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-   -   INFj/ESFp Relations Opposite Prediction (http://www.socionics.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1597)

mavericks64 11/03/2010 03:43 AM

INFj/ESFp Relations Opposite Prediction
 
I'm an INFj married to an ESFp. The description of our relationship, Supervision, is dead on except for one thing, I'm the supervisor not the supervisee. I'm new to socionics so am I misinterpreting? I considered if I was really a socionics INFp but really don't think that is it.

Kanerou 11/03/2010 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mavericks64 (Post 21936)
I'm an INFj married to an ESFp. The description of our relationship, Supervision, is dead on except for one thing, I'm the supervisor not the supervisee. I'm new to socionics so am I misinterpreting? I considered if I was really a socionics INFp but really don't think that is it.

Welcome to the board.

I'm not quite sure which you are saying here. Do you mean that you fit the Supervisor role more than he/she does, or that INFj Supervises ESFp?

mavericks64 11/03/2010 01:07 PM

Thanks for the welcome!

Yes, I am the supervisor but the interaction chart says I should be the supervisee.

When I first read the description, I was amazed at how accurately it described us...then I realized that we were supposed to be the exact opposite of our interactions.

Cyclops 11/03/2010 01:10 PM

In what way do you supervise him? Perhaps you could take parts of the description then underneath each part give some examples? Just a suggestion on how to approach it, really.

mavericks64 13/03/2010 11:49 PM

Ok, good idea...I will do some homework and then post!

mavericks64 14/03/2010 03:28 PM

From the relations of Supervision section: "Relations of Supervision can give the impression that Supervisor is constantly watching every step of the Supervisee. The latter usually feels this control even if the Supervisor does not say or do anything. The explanation for this is that the Supervisee weak point is defenceless against the Supervisor's strong point. This makes the Supervisee nervous and expect the worse. "

My ESFp wife is very in the moment and over the years I'll (INFj) admit (not proud of this) that I have felt the need to direct most everything she does; when she starts getting ready to go somewhere, what tasks for the day are most important, exercise, chores, diet...She accepted some of the direction good naturedly (tasks for the day) but other direction (diet, when to get ready) she was very defensive or lied about. Also, regarding "expecting the worst" many times she would get defensive and attack, thinking I was being critical on diet or exercise or timeliness when I was not.

So, like I said, perfect description but 180 degrees out of sync as the ESFp is supposed to be the Supervisor to INFj. By the way, we both agree the description is spot on regarding our relationship, but reversed.

mavericks64 19/03/2010 02:17 AM

Ok, nobody has any idea why my relationship is 180 degrees from what Socionics predicts.

I think I will ask the question a different way. Any INFJs have a relation of supervisee to a supervising ESFP?

Kanerou 19/03/2010 02:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mavericks64 (Post 21979)
Ok, nobody has any idea why my relationship is 180 degrees from what Socionics predicts.

A) One of your types is wrong.
B) Your relationship resembles Supervision for non-Socionic reasons.

Cyclops 19/03/2010 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mavericks64 (Post 21979)
Ok, nobody has any idea why my relationship is 180 degrees from what Socionics predicts.

I think I will ask the question a different way. Any INFJs have a relation of supervisee to a supervising ESFP?

Well, I wouldn't take it literally, anyone can tell someone not to go out or to go to the gym or w/e.

Sounds like he's just does what she wants and listens to you when it suits her/amuses him. You're the one that's doing the running around, she's the one in the favourable position.

I didn't want to be honest, because I am commenting on something that's nothing to do with me, but what else could I do since you asked?

So, perhaps in a nutshel: Sounds like you're doing what you can to accomodate her dominant Se - and failing, even falling back on your HA, gyms, exercise, eating healthy and stuff (Si - to be "healthy", for want of a word).

An ESFp knows well how to take care of themself in that regard when their own body or their own self tells them it's necessary - they've got strong Si too.

It ain't working, hasn't worked, and you've got no way to reconcile your differences, sad but true, this is the more important part while remembering not to take everything a description in a personality theory says litterally: it's really describing a relation pattern where internal and external conflict takes place, which is what's happening.

Edit: I'm not an INFj fwiw, but I type myself in your quadra, your "activities" man, lol.

mavericks64 23/03/2010 01:00 AM

Thanks Cyclops. No offense taken at all. I'm really enjoying learning about socionics and I am using it to help me understand future relationships. Of course, it would give me confidence moving forward if desciptions match my past. I think perhaps you have explained the appaarent mismatch.

Thanks again.


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