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Question #1404073879Sunday, 29-Jun-2014
Category: ENTp ENFp
Hey guys~ ENFP here. So, I became close friends with an ENTP about a year ago. We hit it off really well, to the point where I felt like she was family, like an unbiologial little sister, and not just a friend. I started thinking about how much I cared about her and loved her, and hoped we might be friends for life (and tried to tell her this). But, simultaneously, I started suspecting she had gay feelings for me and decided to confront her on it to clear it up, just to make sure it wasn't an issue. Thankfully, I was wrong, but the situation blew up in my face. She declared that I was the one with the gay feelings and told me she didn't desire to be friends anymore. Panicking, I tried to change her mind, but she refused; and, I had to let her go. She mostly held to that statement until she decided to reconcile with me the last night we were at a week-long camp about two months ago. She said she forgave me and that we could be acquaintances, and gave me the hugest, best hug in the morning when we had to leave. But, even though she said she would be willing to work on the friendship, she acted uncomfortable and awkward around me when we were together, wasn't around and didn't call. I felt uncertain about what to do but wanted to start a conversation with her, so I texted her and asked if she wanted to go to Wednesday night church with a mutual friend and I. She texted back that she didn't go to church on Wednesday nights, so I left the invitation open and told her she was welcome to come if she changed her mind. I also asked how her summer was going and she said it was fine and that she had been busy, so I replied that I had been busy too. And, I left it at that. I got a call at work the next day from a friend she uses as a mediator between us, who said she didn't want to be acquaintances or anything else with me. He also said that, if I tried to contact her, she would put a restraining order on me, which is the second threat I've gotten from her (one before the reconciliation and this one after), and said he wasn't allowed to relay what I said or talk about it anymore. He changed the first part later to "she doesn't want to talk to you", which made it harder because I couldn't verify with her or confront her on it. I literally just had to accept it and walk away if I wanted to stay out of court. This really hurt me. My whole goal through this whole thing was to be lifelong friends with this person. I don't understand why she's decided to oppose me so strongly in response to my allying myself so strongly with her. She said she liked me, so what's the problem? I'm trying to accept the rejection and move on (like I have in the past), but this is not what I want. I want her to accept me and want to be friends back. I know I was in her close circle before, but I'm really at a loss to how to ever get back in it now. Idk— the situation feels really hopeless. What do you guys think? How can she also want to be lifelong friends with me/want me back? Is there any way or is it a hopeless, lost cause? Your advice would be appreciated.~ Again, ENTP/ENFP relations are at hand. -- Rose
Your Answers: 1+
A1 Both ENTp and ENFp think that their perceptions are correct while demanding freedom - the right to choose or refuse. Neither will be convinced because they need to find out and decide for themselves. Leave them alone because they both have to approach not be approached in order to trust. -- Anonymous
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A2 My guess is that the ENTp over-analyzes what you might feel towards her. There are a few possibilities to this: One, she might really think that you have gay feelings for her. It's possible, ENTps have tendencies to over think things, especially when it comes to relationships. Secondly, she might really have gay feelings for you. If that is the case, I think she is feeling uncomfortable that you might find out, which is why she attempted to distance herself from you, which isn't exactly working since you are making quite a bit of effort with her. Thirdly, maybe the whole incident set her to rethink both of your relationship and maybe she decided that she doesn't want to be friends anymore due to a past situation? This is unlikely, but still, a possibility. Hope this helps. (: -- Anonymous
A3 I do not think ENTp over-analyze - quite the opposite. Like ENFp, they're more likely to throw their own reasoning out the window and move on, thinking that the grass is greener somewhere else. They're more likely to stay for the challenge of trying to get something they have difficulty getting. However, once they do get it or it becomes old-hat, they usually develop an urge to move on. -- Anonymous
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