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Question #1283865549Tuesday, 7-Sep-2010
Category: ESFj ENFp Relationship
Why can't I ever win the heart of an Esfj Male? -- Enfp Girl
Your Answers: 1+
A1 One person's victory is another person's loss. Maybe try redefining your situation? -- INFp guy
A2 Probably because he's your benefactor. -- Anonymous
A3 just becuase he is a stuffy, no imagination esfj, who loves himself and is very conceited but trys to hide this but it is fruitless to do this to an enfp ! -- Anonymous
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A4 1) Benefactors usually aren't impressed by their beneficiaries. 2) PLEASE for your own sake, don't bother trying to establish a long term relationship. I'm an ENFp who has been there (relationship with ESFj) and trust me, you don't want to be there. -- Anonymous
A5 A4: Can you elaborate more on your relationship? -- Enfp Girl
A6 Dearest ENFP Girl, My marriage to my ESTJ was horrible. It started out very romantic. We looked good together, everyone enjoyed our romance story. But there were so many romantic guys, and, like you, it seemed I had my choice in any of them! It was in fact a constant effort NOT to attract, in order not to hurt feelings. I am sure you know what that is like. I think because I had my pick, I just picked my ESFJ because I was ready to marry now, and he pursued ardently, and I thought that just as I could attract "any" guy (practically) I could make it work with any guy. Wrong! But Socionics is a help with that one! I wish I knew Socionics then! My marriage with ESFJ got worse and worse - for me. He was a wonderful Mr. Social-helpful to the world but at home or when alone he ignored me and invalidated. (As long as others were present we got along fine). It ended after 20 years with his affair. I was shocked. I had done nothing but serve him for twenty years, trying to be the best wife possible. I should have noticed the imbalance; my efforts were one-sided. But I had become tunnel-visioned on my own efforts to do my best. I see now Socionics says this relationship will be ALWAYS invalidating to the ENFP. They just do not appreciate you! A typical end of relationship is: the Benefactor leaves! One would think that a girl who can "get any guy" would be in an enviable position. Not so. It can be a real stumbling block. So many choices, one must be about as good as another? Nope, just like anyone else, what you really need is only ONE good guy for life, right? Too many choices can be distracting. Further, when you are attractive, a guy can see only that, ignoring that he is not that keen on your ways, focusing instead on obtaining his prize. The thrill of the chase. Getting into a marriage with a guy who can never appreciate your natural strengths is not a good choice! (And why would you consider a relationship with a guy you would not consider marrying?) The only wosrse choice for you is INFJ, your Supervisor. That would be a true nightmare. Which is too bad; I have so much appreciation for this type! Your Conflictor, ISTJ, will also make you unhappy, but at least you will be equally unhappy with each other in that relationship... So recognize that your ability to attract any guy can be a major stumbling block for you. Do yourself a favor and take some time out to really know yourself, and know what you are looking for in a relationship. Studying Socionics will help! And spending some time not dating will also help you find yourself, and overcome that handicap you have (attracting too many guys!) Well I did not date for 7 years and was going to make it at least 3 more, but I fell, hard and suddenly, for an ISTP I met whom had been a good online friend a long time. I tried to shake it but I couldn't. Reading about his Briggs-MEyers, I stumbled on Socionics and its relationship types (my ISTP is ISTp. And I am no doubt ENFp). What a chock to find out we are and learn about Duals! Jackpot! God blessed me. We have some obstacles to overcome but they are so worth it... -- Eliza, ENFp
A7 please dont go back to the smalltime esfj village -- Anonymous
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