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Question #1281281474Sunday, 8-Aug-2010
Category: Advice Intertype Relations ISFp INFj Career
Im a female infj. I often have issues with isfp's. Either idealize me or they abuse me. At present in my workplace, there is an isfp who is causing me great stress. She idealizes me and my work performance but resents it too. She often says mean comments in public to me, but on the other hand when she feels insecure she latches onto me for love. I am very uncomfortable around her. I dont know how to deal with her. Whatever i say she will judge and when i dont talk she complains that im too quiet. No matter what or how i do, she will perceive things wrong. What can i do to help myself not to be affected by her badly? -- Expander
Your Answers: 1+
A1 Well, you're the benefactor to an ISFp, so it's natural that she would be drawn to you. Of what I've read about these intertype relations, is that you have something to offer her (because your strong points are her weak ones) but she cannot give you anything in return that's useful to you, so you may feel you get nothing out of it. Problems start to arise when the beneficiary is in (or thinks they are in) a superior position to the benefactor and begins to ignore and provoke arguments with the benefactor thus causing some discomfort. Basically, you have to remember that it is part of the beneficiary (this goes to all 16 types because we are all benefactors and beneficiaries to someone)to be "impressed by and delighted by the benefactors thoughts, manners and ability to deal with difficult things the beneficiary can't do". ISFp's will try to please you (INFj's) w/o obvious reason and ingratiate, or, cling to you. Though you encourage them, you also undervalue them and give them no feedback, which ends up irritating them. One of the problems is that you work together, so it's harder for you to initiate contact first, which is the benefactor's decision. Usually being encouraging to her and making contact first and trying to take the upper hand works out better for the benefactor in the long run, so try taking that role and familiarizing yourself with ISFp's and Relations of Benefit if you don't want to be affected by ISFp's anymore. -- J
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A2 I think it's very important for ISFP to understand and accept INFJ. I'm having an INFJ roommate we are very close to each other. But I admit that I was quite bitchy and intrusive to her at the beginning. Mainly because I just couldn't understand why she behaved the way she did. I viewed it as a sign of weakness and I tried to "help" her (in a bitchy way), which didn't help at all and only ended up hurting her further. Now when I think back about it, I feel really ashamed because she didn't deserve it at all. Now that I understand her more, I absolutely love and appreciate her. I find her way of thinking interesting. Also, she has a fabulous sense of humor, always managing to make me laugh. I, in return, listen to her and cheer her up when she has one of those anxious moments. And she feels the same way about me because she told me so. Unless, INFJ tells people what they don't believe. Then, I'll be really worried. O.O -- ISFP
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