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| Question #1279963661 | Saturday, 24-Jul-2010 |
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| Anyone have experience with a narcissistic partner? If so what type were they? I'd like to know how to avoid meeting them. Here is a fairly good description about the narcissist. Master of Grand Delusions The narcissist lives in an intricate world of his making, dominated by inflated illusions of self-importance. His style is grandiose-like some peacock or wild turkey with feathers in full display. His (or her) version of reality bears no resemblance to the truth. Experiencing himself (herself) at the center of life, like a sun surrounded by encircling planets, the narcissist believes that everything flows from him. The narcissist has an incredible sense of self-entitlement. Everything is about him (her) and belongs to him. He smoothly oversteps the personal boundaries of others, mistreating, devaluing, and humiliating them to bend them to his will and his desires. The Image The narcissist is always preoccupied with the impression he (or she) is making…Narcissists are perfectionists. For some, everything in their environment-homes, cars, personal effects-must reflect a flawless self…(These) individuals lead their entire lives exclusively on a surface level. They are incapable of introspection, the process of going inside oneself. As Western society has become more narcissistic, the emphasis on material attainment as a basic life value has overshadowed the inner search and the journey toward greater insight and awareness. Parental Cold Embrace Mothers and fathers of narcissists are often narcissistic themselves. These parents have cold and ruthless relationships with their children, based on manipulation not love and respect…A narcissistic parent is incapable of empathy…The child (of a narcissist) suffers a cold embrace. In order to wear the family crown, he must relinquish the psychological essence of his true self, that part of him that thinks creatively and feels authentic. He must abandon the part of himself that is most alive. Narcissist as Predator The narcissist is predatory. Like a hawk in the distant sky, he circles and then suddenly swoops down to snatch his unsuspecting prey. Those who stand between him and his goals are imperiled. ..All narcissistic personalities are cruel and sadistic. The perpetrator of treachery has murderous intentions. He may not actually kill his victims, but he finds undetectable ways to diminish or destroy their lives. Beneath the Narcissist’s Elaborate Mask The narcissist’s (unconscious) experience of emotional emptiness is beyond longing or sadness. It is a severe and intractable wounding, a pain…savage and deep… Closet Paranoia Paranoia is a pervasive fear that others will harm or even destroy us. The narcissist lives in an unfriendly and dangerous inner world, despite the power and glamour of his external life. Inside he is paranoid, tormented by anticipated attacks of perceived enemies. Life in the Shadows The future partner of the narcissist was often the child of an arrogant, demanding, narcissistic parent. From his (her) earliest days he was conditioned to respond to his parent’s arbitrary rules and whims. The narcissistic mother or father conducted himself as a dictator without a conscience, immune to any outside authority. From the time they were very little, these children become experts at catering to the idiosyncratic needs of the narcissistic parent. Pathways Beyond Narcissism Today, many individuals are running a different kind of marathon, a trek to a land beyond ego satisfactions. They are no longer willing to live solely for themselves. Intuition The expanding and deepening of true intuition requires the suspension of the rational thinking mind and the quieting of the senses. It demands faith, discipline, and persistence. The highest levels of intuition are developed through regular deep meditation. Meditation, when it is practiced fervently and consistently, brings a calmness to the body and mind. It slows thoughts and quiets emotions. We enter a gathering peace. http://www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/articles.html Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D. -- Anonymous |
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Your Answers: 1+ |
| A1 Hmmm...sounds like an unstable ESTp. I find when they are unhealhy, they can be very narcissitic (although this description is to the extreme). Keep in mind that a lot of the extroverted types can succomb to narcissism easily. -- Anonymous |
A2 My parents are narcissists and I a hate them. But my girlfriend is, too and I love her, lol. I'm also a narcissist.  -- Simon the INFp |
| A3 Narcissism does not correlate with a specific personality type. There are two kinds of narcissists. The Classic narcissist usually develops in childhood or adolescence. The Compensatory narcissist often develops in adulthood and compensates for deep-set feelings of inferiority and lack of self-worth. This type of narcissism is thought to result from a person's belief that he/she is flawed in a way that makes the person fundamentally unacceptable to others - this belief is held below the person's conscious awareness so they would typically deny thinking such a thing if questioned. Such people make strong attempts to control others view of them and behavior towards them. -- Anonymous |
| A4 Hmmm...from my experience, I notice that extroverts I know (ESFp ENTj ESFj ENTp ENFp) do show narcissistic tendencies. But without knowing the person, it can be tricky to identify a person suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) as some narcissists are covert, or inverted narcissists that may hide their sense of grandiosity. Some key things to observe are their behavior and relationships. BEHAVIOUR Narcissists display false behavior patterns - false modesty is used to solicit compliments and inflate the narcissist or protect his grandiosity from scrutiny. Other behavior that you may be able to observe is compulsiveness. Narcissists partake in ongoing rituals or compulsive acts to alleviate their intense feelings of anxiety. They also engage in self-defeating and self-destructive behaviors - they are very afraid of real, mature intimacy. Intimacy is emotional involvement, which is the result of constant and predictable interactions. Narcissists view intimacy as strangulation, the snuffing of freedom, death in installments. The self-destructive and self-defeating acts are intended to dismantle the very foundation of a successful relationship, a career, a project, or a friendship. Narcissists feel elated and relieved after they unshackle these "chains". New situations, new possibilities, new challenges, new circumstances and new demands in our lives mark abrupt breaks with our past. A narcissist holds on to the past and employs self-defeating behaviors to preserve the past, to restore and protect it from the winds of change, to avoid opportunities. RELATIONSHIPS Dysfunctional interpersonal relationships are one of the hallmarks of narcissists. As codependents, they derive their narcissistic supply from relationships with classic narcissists. If the person has any codependent relationships with a narcissist or tends to surround themselves with other narcissists, that could be a cue indicating narcissism. Intimate relationships of narcissists are typically impaired due to their lack of empathy, disregard for others, exploitativeness, sense of entitlement, and constant need for attention. Typically, the narcissist seeks an adoring, submissive, available, self-denigrating partner who denies his/her own wishes, hopes, dreams, aspirations, sexual, psychological and material needs. The narcissist sense of superiority, indeed the False Self, depends on it. The partner is exploited creating a state of utter confusion in the partner's mind. A suspension of judgment and individuality is both a prerequisite to and the result of living with a narcissist. The partner no longer knows what is true and right and what is wrong and forbidden. The narcissist recreates for the partner the sort of emotional ambience that led to his own formation in the first place: capriciousness, fickleness, arbitrariness, emotional (and physical or sexual) abandonment. The world becomes uncertain and frightening and the partner has only one thing to cling to: the narcissist. The partner becomes confused and doesn't know what to do - and this is only too natural in the mayhem that is the relationship with the narcissist. But the typical partner also does not know what she wants and, to a large extent, who she is and what she wants to become. These unanswered questions hamper the partner's ability to gauge reality, evaluate and appraise it for what it is. Her primordial sin is that she fell in love with an image, not with a real person. It is the voiding of the image that is mourned when the relationship ends. The break-up of a relationship with a narcissist is, therefore, very emotionally charged. It is the culmination of a long chain of humiliations and of subjugation. It is the rebellion of the functioning and healthy parts of the partner's personality against the tyranny of the narcissist. It is impossible to have any real, meaningful, or lasting emotional relationship with the narcissist until his primitive defence mechanisms crumble and are discarded. Dysfunctional interpersonal relationships are one of the hallmarks of Narcissists. The common treatment for patients with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is talk therapy mainly psychodynamic psychotherapy or cognitive-behavioural treatment. Therapy modifies the narcissist's antisocial, interpersonally exploitative, and dysfunctional behaviors, often with some success. The prognosis for adults suffering from narcissism is poor, though their adaptation to life and others can improve with treatment. -- Anonymous |
| A5 So informative. I didn't realize they can be covert and hide their narcissism. Sounds like an intimate partner is the most likely to be subjected to the narcissists bad side while friends and family may not realize the person is a narcissist at all. -- Anonymous |
| A6 Anyone have personal anecdotes about how they dealt with a narcissistic partner? -- Anonymous |
| A7 A4 - Thank you very much for exploring the narcissist type. You managed to decribe many traits of an ex-partner. It's not me, it's him! Hahahaha! -- Anonymous |
| A8 I wonder what the narcissists point of view is on this description and what their type is. Are there any Ns out there? -- Anonymous |
| *Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com* |
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