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Question #1275727987Saturday, 5-Jun-2010
Category: INTp INFp
For shy INFp males, how do you show interest in a woman, what signals do you interpret to be that she is interested, and how do you internalize rejection? To elaborate, if an INFp male and INTp female are both very shy, and were nervous and awkward in each others presence, what signals would suggest that she was romantically interested? What would make you be comfortable enough to express your feelings for her, and how would you feel if she did not read the correct signals, and only wished to be friends? I am the INTp female who while I recognize that a romantic relationship with the INFp male would definitely be a natural and deep connection, I am unable at the time to do so, and so requested a friendship instead. This was denied, and now I am regretful of the confusing signals and logical approach to an obviously emotionally infused situation. In other words, do INFp men have difficulty forcing feelings aside in order to maintain a beneficial friendship? Thanks. -- Anonymous
Your Answers: 1+
A1 I would look first and foremost for somebody who asks questions about me and laughs at the things I say, even when they aren't all that amusing. This is how I would gauge her interest. Basically, watching how she communicates with other people and then looking for any sign that she talks to me differently. I would be comfortable enough to show her how I felt if and only if I felt confident that I was mentally/emotionally content without her in the first place. This sounds like an oxymoron, but in my experience, the best relationships are built between two people who already have enough else going on in their lives such that the relationship would compliment what already exists, not define it. It sounds like the INFp to whom you are referring is looking more for somebody to fill a gap - hence why he is not interested in a friendship instead. It may seem beneficial to become friends to you, but from his current perspective, it may not. As with all things intimate, I think the key is honest and open communication. Find exactly what it is you are looking for and find a way to communicate this to him - most INFp deeply appreciate honesty, even if it takes them some time to figure out what to do with it. Hope this helps! -- INFp guy
A2 Thank you for help in clarifying a very confusing situation. While I still struggle to rectify any signals that I may have contributed (this was a more formal mentor-like situation), the "fill a gap" theory makes much sense. I was beginning to believe the recoil was due to humiliation in lieu of my honesty, I understand it took guts for him to have been so forward and truely hope to not have caused any harm. Unfortunately though, gaps exist in many lives, just wish I could have filled the "intriguing converstaion" role. Oh well. Thanks for you help! -- Venting OP
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A3 I'm an INFP female with an N preference. I know a man is interested when he makes it clear either through directness or obvious flirting - please no vulgarity. Rarely, there is this initial shock that is obviously felt by a man, too. It's almost a gasp. Because I'm married, I run from that like the plague. I show my interest by... I'm not sure I ever show my interest, but I've been married for a long time. -- Anonymous
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