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Question #1273203230Friday, 7-May-2010
Category: INTj INFj Intertype Relations Relationship Love
Hey, I'm interested in how do these types (INFj + INTj) interact? Intertype relations don't tell me much, and I want to hear some of one's "own empirical observation" of INTjs and INFjs. Myself, I'm an INFJ, and I'm so interested in several INTJs, one is a good friend, and another one works in the same institution, we get some chances to talk, but mostly about the job business, rather than more personal things, and I really want to get to know him, to develop close relationships. so I would like to know, what INTjs themselves think of what is a good way to get to them on the right side of mine, so that they feel comfortable and not annoyed etc., anything basically, interests me, in as much detail as possible. Thank you. -- INFj
Your Answers: 1+
A1 Basically, from an INTJ perspective,(im very used to the MBTI types, though used in a similiar method to this) we would want to see you open up and show some Feeling. Our emotional side is not only buried deep inside, but highly introverted and based more on ethics and morality than interpersonal relations. With that said, I dont know if their is a type i could be more intrigued by. Your type gives off mysterious, seemingly cold, closed signals similiar to mine. We anyalyze every detail of every aspect of everything, in the most logical sense we can. You seem equally analytical, but in much more of an interpersonal, mediating type of way. Overall, to get close to an INTJ, it will take a good deal of work, but it should be much easier for an INFJ, especailly if willing to reveal your extroverted feeling function. -- Taylor C
A2 If I understand you correctly, you're looking for A) some anecdotal evidence of INTJ-INFJ interaction and B) some advice for building relationships with INTJ's. Since A1 supplied some good advice for building relationships, I'll contribute some anecdotal evidence. (: My father is INFJ (one of those rare INFJ males) and I am INTJ (one of those rare INTJ females). I deeply respect my father, not only for his intelligence but also for his ability to understand others. He's helped me to develop my Feeling side (and given me some awesome tips on understanding other people and not offending them); we definitely have the wise-mentor-and-pigheaded-student dynamic going on in many areas. (: But that may be a special case. I don't know. I only know of one other INFJ, a woman, and we get along well together. We seem to understand each other better than, say, INTJ and ENFJ (major clashes there). We have some interests in common (books, cooking, etc), and there seems to be a sort of mutual understanding between us. Maybe it's the common analytical approach to life you mentioned, Taylor C. My advice on getting close to an INTJ would be: demonstrate your intellectual prowess, but not in an aggressive or argumentative way (or the INTJ will say, "Excellent! An opponent with whom to spar!" and from what I've heard, you guys don't like that too much). If the topic of chess comes up, for instance, and the INTJ is into chess, drop some allusions to famous grandmasters and strategies. And, like Taylor C. said, show some feeling. Mature INTJs will recognize and appreciate your skill in interpersonal relationships. -- LadyOrion
A3 My best friend (INTj) & I, (INFj) have known each other around two years. While we agree on most things, we reach the same conclusion by very different means. While I tend to focus on ethical or emotive aspects, he utilizes logic and facts. This sometimes brings us to misunderstandings, however, I find our conversations to be enlightening. -- Anonymous
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A4 At first meeting, I felt that I really understood her. After several dates, we were like brother and sister - conversations were interesting but predictable, and no sexual chemistry partially because she was not very physically fit. I truly would have liked her as a friend but she was looking for more. Another I had met was physically fit. Our initial meeting was very similar to the previous I had described; however, her seemingly desperate need to get away from her current predicament made the potential relationship too risky for me. All that said, I think there would be a flatness in any INFj/INTj relationship. -- IN(very T)j
A5 As with LadyOrion, as an INFj, I've had mentor-student relationships with INTjs, particularly with my mom and best friend (my best friend is several years older). Interestingly, I've found that INTjs are excellent for helping INFjs in developing their secondary and tertiary functions (Fe and Ti) through meaningful and thought intensive conversations. Likewise, INFjs help INTjs by listening to their ideas or, in some cases, their problems. It could take a while for both types to open up to each other, but once they've found a common ground, things usually hit it off from there. -- Anonymous
A6 The appeal of INFJs to INTJs is that INFJs tend to have many different interests, and like to talk in intuitive ways as we do. INTJs tend to focus in on stuff, but we like coming across new things to focus on. INTJs and INFJs do get along quite well. Here's the thing, INTJs will definitely be in business-mode in business situations. We don't care much for extraneous conversation, the small talk about "how are you" and so on. We're fiercely guarded with our personal lives, almost to the point where people assume we have none. That's not a shell you can crack easily, or overnight. Once the work is out of the way though, by all means engage us in conversation. Forget the personal stuff for now, bring up some big ideas, or talk about your own personal life in a way that's of interest to the INTJ. We don't want to hear about your problems unless it's something we can fix immediately, not really the reaction I assume an F wants when venting. Tell us about something interesting you're working on, something big, theoretical. Gauge our interest, and after that, ask us about anything big we're working on. We like systems, we like problems to solve. If we think you're an intellectual match, we'll be interested in you. You bring a different perspective to the table, as long as you don't talk about your innermost feelings, or weigh us down with details, it's hard to lose our interest once you get it. A *close* relationship is not something to hope for for a while. You'll get there eventually if your INTJ is interested in you. -- Anonymous
A7 my best friend is an INTJ. i usually tell her things i have learned, she discounts it, come across the information herself later and then tries to share it with me. *ugh* she is quick to think she is right, when ... well, I am right. we laugh a lot together. we respect each others academic ability and integrity. we are both mothers now and her role as a mom to 2 very small children is super draining on her, so she has dropped off the planet a bit. she feels this is ok. and, of course, it never seems to stop hurting my feelings. but, we're still good. one more thing, i am the conspiracy theorist (joking) and she is the scientist. i seem to intitively understand things, and she has to figure it out some other way. I tell her something is some way, and no matter what I say, she will have to discover it for herself some way... (i know this is getting repetitive ... ) its getting late. night! -- Anonymous
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