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| Question #1259562592 | Monday, 30-Nov-2009 |
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| how likely is it that a (male) intj would cheat when a relationship starts going bad (has been going somewhat bad for a while)? is it likely that he would just stop communicating/contacting the other person in order to make the other person instigate a breakup? thank you.. -- Anonymous |
Your Answers: 1+ |
| A1 sounds and feels eriely familiar. I've experienced disappointing relationships and yes cheating feels very tempting, but no I've never cheated, which in hindsight, I later regret when the relationship is over because I'm even more alone, have no one to unappreciate me and the offers are no longer on the table. I can end up in a love triangle. Yes they're very likely to disconnect, I withdraw entirely, I take rejection bad, I'm a bad breaker-upper, I'm a bad boyfriend and a bad lover. Bad relationships suck so bad, they're the relationships where you fight like a couple, get mad like a couple, get sad like a couple, feel disappointed, unsatisfied, unappreciated, ashamed, mistrusted, neglected, undesirable and yet all this negativity legitimizes the relationship. There's no love because then that would make it a loving relationship, despite that I've been in love, I've never been in a loving relationship. -- Anonymous |
| A2 i'm not sure how likely it would be for a [male] INTj to cheat, perhaps it would be just as likely if not more likely for them to be cheated on. yet perhaps not all INTj's really believe in cheating, some of them do have a slightly 'liberated' view on these matters, without being excessively promiscuous or adulterous. yes, i'd say an INTj is very likely to simply stop communicating/contacting the other person, yet i don't think they'd simply be instigating a breakup. first they'd probably find some excuses to end the relationship, and essentially make you believe that they'll still talk to you for a while, and essentially won't give you any warning that they'll just stop talking to you. after that they pretty much don't care about you whatsoever. or perhaps they've already given up caring about you for whatever reasons. surprisingly, INTj's can be very vindictive and cruel people, and sometimes they revenge past relationships on new partners. for example if their first relationship ended with their partner cheating on them and marrying their ex, they'd carry that even after they've had sex with other people or whatever debauchery and substance abuse they have experienced, and when they are more or less free of that and found someone to truly love, they will calculate how to best hurt that person from beginning to end. they believe they are just and righteous. i don't think so. clearly they have inferiority complexes, repetition compulsions, and repressions like anyone else. they aren't gods. -- Anonymous |
| A3 I am not sure, I have never knowingly dated an INTJ long enough to know. Probably that sounds like something an Introvert would do though. -- Vanni the ENFP |
| A4 continuing with this question.. is the best idea to be proactive to try to prevent these type of things (say in the case of one stopping comminicating probably to break up)? thanks -- poster of question |
| A5 response to A2: with cheating comes baggage for all those involved and yes intj' are prone to unheathy responses to emotional hurt. Basically Intj is no exception. I consider myself a humanitiarian and a romantic at my peak but I still have plenty of unresolved issues that lay dormant until moments of overwhelming stress and then they resurface - which is actually a blessing in disguise because I am more aware to handle the problem the second time around. As for Intj' to sunddenly stop caring that is an outright lie - at least as far as I'm concerned. I can lose faith in someone who is a lost cause as much as I lose faith in myself to make that person feel better about themselves. I do agree that intj' can be vidicative and will intentionally hurt someone when provoked and the hurt is usually psychological more than physical and emotional, like providing discouragement and remaining detached and indifferent, etc, but I think anyone acts that way toward someone they dislike. -- Anonymous |
| A6 as an INTj, i have never really cheated but when things are going bad the thought crosses my mind too often. if i dont care for the person the thought dosent make me feel bad, but the paranoia of it all is what gets me. the thought of confrontation and the repercussions and the mystery of how -the other would take their revenge gets me, i try to think of everything in the worst case, and as far as avoiding the person, i have never done that but sometimes i get stuck in bad relationships because i dont like to tell people how i really feel if it will cause awkwardness of conflict, and when i get to that point of breaking it off it takes me about an hour to get it out haha, or i just totally stop trying in hopes of the other person doing the dirty work. -- Anonymous |
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| A7 @A3 umm.. i would love to see your logical deduction of introverts more likely to cheat -- intp |
| A8 As far as ESFP goes, one lesson we can all learn from ESFP is that ESFP "likes everyone." Which we should all try to do. Even our complete opposites which can be difficult for some. -- Vanice the ENFP |
| A9 as a male INTj, i have never cheated - i just kept loving in order to make her understand that i really loved and chosen to be with her. but of course, during this process, loving becomes just an action - not a real feeling. i think it's just a way of revenge - as this caused her to be in a love that i didn't feel anymore. and this kept myself in hell until the relationship ended. and when i finally let it all out with full cruel honesty and ended the relationship, what a relief - but just for me. and from that moment it was her turn to live in hell by having to question everything about herself - which is something that i still believe was the right thing to do. by all means. but! i know i won't find myself in the same situation - it is too hard for me.. -- a lesson learned |
| A10 As an INTJ female I have broken up when things got bad...I was brutally (maybe too much so) honest with the person and after that pretty much did not want any contact. An INTJ male has broken up with me and (sorry guys) with most men, it is conflict avoidance at all costs so I think it would be extremely logical for an INTJ male to just slink into the shadows and reduce or eliminate all contact. -- Anonymous |
| A11 To answer the question: it is unlikely INTJ's will cheat even in a bad relationship. it is likely they will create distance by not communicating with their partner, and thereby expect the partner to get the hint. -- Anonymous |
| A12 As an INTj that was married for 15 years I never cheated or wanted to cheat (even though I had reason to after my husband cheated and it led to the birth of a child). Instead, I divorced and moved on. My motto was if it isn't working, or if I didn't want to be with someone, out of respect for self and the other person...just end it. Why sneak around and try to hide an affair from someone you don't want to be with anyway...I would rather say "look this is not working out etc. etc.". In fact I would respect and appreiciate that over being led to believe the opposite and exposing my person to things I was never given the option to decide (meaning if one is going to sleep around at least let the person know so they could decide if they would want to expose themselves to that lifestle or not). Even when I dated before I married, I didn't cheat. To me cheating just compounded whatever the problem was. It didn't make it better, not to mention the diseases one would be exposing themselves to. -- Anonymous |
| A13 INTJs might either break things off, or become more distant until their partner breaks things off. An INTJ wouldn't cheat though, at least I certainly wouldn't. I think it would go against an INTJ's sense of logic and justice. That said... INTJs might cheat in a non-sexual, non-romantic way. If an INTJ wasn't getting the sort of intellectual stimulation he or she craved, I could see finding somebody else for that. Such behavior would certainly be a bad sign in a relationship. -- Anonymous |
| A14 I have had several good relationships in the past, before knowing my current wife. I have never cheated once, and I have broken quite directly all those relationships but one (this one she broke)... maybe too "E" for a IN, but it is true. INTj -- Anonymous |
| A15 It would be humane for INTJs to warn prospective partners that they have a strong tendency to suddenly slam the door in your face if they feel like it. One day, "Our firendship means more to me than you know." Next day, "Hit the road." It is devastating, and beyond cruel. A betrayal that crushes your spirit. -- Anonymous |
| A16 Why would anybody get involved with an INTJ? They are cruel and ruthless. Horrifying people. Cold. No conscience. Why don't they leave us other types of people alone. They are psychologically exttremely dangerous. They can, and will massacre you psychologically. It happened to me. -- Anonymous |
| A17 Grow up, A16. If you essentialize all of your personal traumas into permanent fixtures of reality like that, I think it'd be hard not to psychologically massacre you. INTJs are not a good match for insecurity-no wonder you got rocked. I'm and INTJ, and I have to admit that the whole checking out suddenly and waiting for you to figure out that it's time to part ways thing is something I've done multiple times. It's not sociopathic at all-it's hesitation raised to the level of emotional paralysis. We wait too long while trying to figure out what to do and say, we make an art form of overthinking, and by the time we figure out the perfect way to say 'I want out' or whatever, you've already broken up with us like, two weeks ago. It could also be a way of letting you say what you think-see the bit in the socionics profile about the INTJ's talent for ****ing people off in order to get them to reveal their true feelings. As for the cheating, unless there is a history of his having cheated or been cheated on in the past, I'd say absolutely not. Some people cheat because they can't handle the prospect of being alone. Some people enjoy the companionship or need to prove to themselves that they're desireable. Another answer mentions platonic cheating for intellectual stimulation-that's very real and possible, but I think one relationship is already more obligatory social interaction than most INTJs care to deal with. -- Steph |
| *Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com* |
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