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Question #1258848844Sunday, 22-Nov-2009
Category: INTp Love Relationship Happiness
I wonder why INTPs do not look for others of the same type? Wouldn't you rather be in a relationship with someone like a best friend? We do not like conflict and another INTP is the best way to do so. F types should be automatically rejected as irrationality is our end; I cannot imagine the number of fights that would ensue with an F type relationship. We would not be able to share ourselves with an S type like we can with an N though SPs are energizing. SJ is to be avoided at all costs; they seek acceptance while we seek independence. I and E can probably be mixed up as long as you understand each other but I's would be easier to work with (the silences would be understood, not awkward). NF can be interesting, but you will be seen as cold and unemotional. What do you guys think? Do you think love can be had outside of another INTP? Love can be just as rational as it can be irrational. This applies to relationships only, not who your friends are which can range wildly. -- soumynonA
Your Answers: 1+
A1 Your use of capital Ps and Js implies you are speaking about MBTI types? Socionics is far more complex than MBTI, maybe you would be interested in reading more about the Socionics functions and relations - here, at and at There also is a similar question to yours here (Question #1134432848) and a long discussion follows. Actually, it‘s not like all INTps want to date non-INTps, I do know two INTp-INTp couples. Some INTps search for INTps, some for SFs or other types. Type descriptions both in MBTI and in Socionics tend to be rather limiting, hence probably your view of S and F people. But there is a huge variety within one type. People are very different and every type has roughly 375 mill. representatives around the world. So an ESF raised in a talkative Italian family of blue-collar workers will be very different from an ESF raised in a quiet, educated Swedish family. And ESFps and ISFjs, at least some of them, are probably much more similar to you than you realize (see my ESFp description in the above mentioned question discussion). For example, I don‘t like quarrells either, I prefer clear and practical-solutions-oriented discussions about problems instead. My best INTp friend and I have quarrelled twice in 18 years. And like you, I get confused around people who talk at all costs about nothing in order not to, God forbid, be silent. I study Northern cultures and silence is a huge part of them, which I like. Some of my best friends are Finnish or used to live in Finland, they like just to work side by side without talking and it is pleasant for me to be silent around them. Also, „to be an F“ does not automatically mean „to always behave irrationally“. Of course we will never be 100% logical and practical, but, to be honest, even NTs aren‘t. Most ESFps I know, including me, crave logic and reasoning: I loved writing essays when I was studying English. Me being an ESF was showing itself only in the way that I needed more time to write an essay than Ns needed. And I even know two linguists from the Academy of Sciences whom I considered to be total INTps. Only after two years I realized they were somehow unusually smiley, aware of the people and of their relationships with them, and liked to tell jokes, so I came to realize they were ESFps, but these are the only differences from INTps I’ve been able to find. -- Ezis (ESFp)
A2 "I wonder why INTPs do not look for others of the same type?" i wonder why you assume we dont? i do. ... the only problem, although it is a big one, is that i am a guy, and traditionally the guy is supposed to be the initiator/extroverted one.. im an intp. i am no extrovert, so me ever really getting to know an intp girl would be a rare circumstance -- Anonymous
A3 "F types should be automatically rejected as irrationality is our end;" i find you very wrong. i like F's allot, they are less likely to be logically condescending.. also - as an intp, i tend to bottle my emotions, and eventually i have to let them out, and F's are very good at helping me with this. just because someone is F, doesnt mean they cant appreciate or follow logic.. it is the S that i would not really be able to get along with (other than ISTP). -- Anonymous
A4 The whole point of relations of activity is that you find the person interesting because they are so different from you. I was in a quasi-relationship with an INTp a few years ago, and although we were really different, it was fun. ISFjs are logical, and enjoy seriousness. INTps are cynical and make us laugh. It ended up not working out, in part because I didn't feel appreciated and I thought he was too lazy. One of the principles behind socionics is that surrounding yourself with people who think differently than you makes life more enjoyable, because different does not equal bad. -- una ISFj
A5 As an INTP I tend to gravitate towards people who are at the opposite end of the energy spectrum, I wouldn't mind being friends with INTP, but a romantic relationship, I don't think it would be particualarly fullfiling. -- Miss D INTP
A6 Not everyone thinks that they are so perfect and wonderful that the best person for them is someone just like them. I have my weaknesses and strengths, but in friends I particularly enjoy people who balance me out by being different from me, more responsible, more practical, more down-to-earth... Not only that but I bore quickly of people too similar to me, whereas people different from me are constantly offering new surprises and different ways of lookign at things. All the more so for a relationship... -- Anonymous
A7 I agree with A6. Boredom and consequently irritability and lost of interest in the partner comes faster in an Identity relationship than in any other. I get bored with ESFps in an hour, though it's not their fault of course and the first hour is extremely interesting and fulfilling, and I can't imagine what it would be like if I had to spend the whole life with them. I would probably have tens of friends and would not spend almost any time at home. INTps are more at ease with Identity partners and don't get bored so quickly, but one of the partners usually takes on the role of the ESFp but s/he strains him/herself to behave like one, which takes more energy and leads others to perceive him/her as a bit unnatural. -- ESFp
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A8 INTPs are also kind of rare, I mean, I'm an INTP and I honestly don't know any others except my dad. I'm sure they're out there, I've probably even talked to them before, but most of us INTPs have developed ways to seem 'normal' (not that we're abnormal, but I think a lot of the other types tend to see us that way) when we're in public. We also don't tend to initiate conversation or make an effort to hang out with other people. Also we INTPs can be a bit oblivious when it comes to other people (I don't think I even know half my professors's embarrassing), and we don't get out much, so it makes it kind of hard to meet others like us except on the computer. Personally I'd love to meet another INTP. -- An INTP female
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