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Question #1257190407Monday, 2-Nov-2009
Category: Duality
For people who have fallen into dual relations... I'm just wondering how you got there. I've experienced that dual relations are the introvert persistantly persuing the extrovert with hopes of... I dont know. Unfortunately I work with and for my dual type and this is what I constantly deal with, its so stressful. Could some people share their experiences, especially ISTp and ENFp types. Thanks. -- Anonymous
Your Answers: 1+
A1 How I got there... it is different from case to case. I am not in a romantic Dual relationship, but I have some good INTp friends. The longest lasting one took a long time to establish. She was bullied by our classmates and I tried to protect her, with little result. I also tried to be friends with her but she didnt respond to it much, we came to be some kind of friends only after a long time. Then when we were 21 we quarrelled for the first time and we fell apart. After two years I thought just casually "I might write her" and she responded with enthusiasm and we immediately became ten times better friends than we ever were. - With another friend we clicked much more easily. The girl looked like she needed someone to talk to, so I started to behave friendly to her, and she looked so pleased I started to feel important Then she left to study abroad for two years and I was the only one who kept in contact with her because I felt she needed it. And when she returned she became my colleague and we started to share our work experience and realized we can be good friends. I also had a male INTp friends for a long time whom I had "met" on a Christian site where he was searching for Christian friends who, like him, dont watch TV. "I've experienced that dual relations are the introvert persistantly persuing the extrovert with hopes of..." well that definitely isnt my experience. Have you ever witnessed an INTp pursue someone? I wish something like that happened to me. It happened only once, four years ago, and I am still scolding myself for not having talked to the guy again. - Why is it so stressful to work around your Duals? -- Ezis (ESFp)
A2 I wish I had enough life experience concerning my duals to put here. As it is, I seem to be completely blind to my dual's existence... >.< I can say, though, I have watched my INTp brother and my ESFp friend interact... it's funny, because they seem to be able to play with eachother or talk to eachother but she still doesn't like him. Oh well. -- ENFp
A3 Why? Are you an ISTp trying to pursue an ENFp?? I was always under the impression the ENFp had to do all the pursuing almost with ISTp. -- ENFp
A4 Mistyping is the first thing I'm thinking of. I never had problems with ISFps (I'm ENTp), actually one of them was my boss, other was a colleague and so on. I entered a relationship with my Dual found by chance among acquaintances of friends I used to get out with. Everything is as expected, I mean no corroding conflicts, etc. What should I say? She liked me and I knew she was ISFp and proposed her to be together. We're together for almost 2 years and there's no day any of us to think it was a bad choice. So again, you might have mistyped yourself and/or your relationship target. -- Mihai
A5 I mistyped everyone. My boss in an ENTp, who constantly hits on me and shares his "feelings" for me, and is never ending. I've told him to stop, and he took it personally so he is retaliating by becoming passive aggressive and playing these little games. Most recently he tried to humiliate me at my other job (where he is a regular at) in front of his friends (which are costumers.) When I confronted him he said "No, comparing you to a used car salesman and a politician is a compliment!" in a very "genuine" tone. He is refering to my "upselling" on hot chocolate. I want to quit, but I'm afraid he will wage war on me if I do for it would be the ultimate rejection in his eyes. He is a total control freak and I'm 100% sure he will use all his connections to ensure I never find a job, so I will have to work for him FOREVER!!!!! He is also a pedophile! I've only experienced this kind of behavior with one person, an psycho "friend" that turned everyone in school against me so I had no friends anymore and then when I was alone tried to be friends with me again. All because I told her I didn't want to be friends with her anymore. -- Anonymous
A6 For the most part my dual relations friendship wise started out as friends of friends. Of course it started out slow but gradually we discovered how much we enjoyed each other's company and often became closer then the friend in common. Unfortunately I don't have much connect with most of them anymore due to life happening but I'll always look back on them fondly. Dating wise I've never dated a dual. I've persued a couple ENFps but this ISTp didn't have any luck so I can't help you there. -- SLI
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A7 I have come across three duals so far - one that worked great, one tha failed miserably and one that is just in the making. For all three, I found that while I had great respect for the other person before realising how well we got on, it never really went any further than that. It was only when we were practically forced together through external circumstances that I began to realise just how much we had to offer each other. -- Kat INFP
A8 I'm 19 and I met my girlfriend when about a year ago and she's 17. She's an enfp and I'm an istp. We were friends for about a year and I never saw her as anything more than a friend. She says she's always been kinda after me and now that I think about it, it's kinda true. She has always been following me and trying to talk to me in school and I always thoght she was a creep and I hated her over reactions to everything. I realized after a while that I actually really got along with and that's when I found out she was an enfp. We really get along well and always have. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with all of her emotions but I've learned that it's really not over reacting but it's just her. A lot of the time I find her kind o childish and It frustrates me. But maybe it's because of the age difference. Unfortunately I'm moving to a different country so we will have to split up but both of us have high hopes of meeting up again and seeing how things turn out. But basically all it takes it persistency.. The magic in a duality relation wil do the rest of the work. Just make sure you show ur partner that ur there and see you as someone he might wanna give a try with (especially if he or she isn't into socionics). -- istp
A9 Ok I still stand by my old boss is a creep. Definitly not a dual type, ENTp. I quit since then. He did try and contact me once. Anyway I'm very relieved that ISTp's aren't like that. I've been meeting a lot of ISTp dual types at college lately. My teacher actually moved me next to one in class last week, I was having trouble with some of the work so he ripped off a little piece of paper and wrote down his number and said if I needed any help to call him. Never thought it would be that simple. Will I call him? hmm... I don't know. I've learned to spot them by their INTENSE eye connections they magically hypnotize me with, even from like 30 feet away. I don't know if any will develop yet into friendships or anything, but I'm dating an INFj right now. So I may never find out. -- Asker
A10 A5, I'm an INTj and find ENTps to be interesting but somewhat dangerous. They must be good at reading people since they always hit on me within the first couple minutes of meeting, perceiving that I'm a challenge (aloof) and fellow NT, I presume. They distinguish themselves in these encounters, I find, by their inappropriate sense of humor and harsh/obvious manner of flirting. I've known two that I contemplated getting involved with, but when they feel unsure of someone's feelings or are provoked into insecurity, they are dangerously conniving and immoral. In short, watch out! Thus, even though they have many endearing qualities when tranquil, I consider them unsuitable for marriage or intimacy of any sort. -- Anonymous
A11 @ A10: I'm an ENTP and you nailed it, right on. -- H
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