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Question #1256595516Monday, 26-Oct-2009
Category: Intertype Relations ENFp ENFj Relationship
I'm in a quasi-identical relationship. I'm ENFP male, she's ENFJ female. We have tons in common, except for the obvious P/J which can be a wrecking ball... Our conversations can be very insightful, as we see opposite sides of the coin much of the time. The tricky part is... because of the quasi-id thing, much of the time we can argue a point that we APPEAR to understand at first, and find later we were really missin the deal. Basically, it's so complicated that when I first learned we were quasi's, I thought, "this is not so bad, we just have to remember that we see different sides of the coin, no prob." I've found that the nature of quasi-identical has proven to be so complex however, that we cannot even IDENTIFY where we are beginning to misunderstand each other, the lines being very evasive, and our weaknesses playing off each other sometimes in ways that don't even allow us to converse LONG ENOUGH to dig deep enough to find the missing piece we began conversing to unearth... Anybody else experienced an ENFP/ENFJ relationship? What did you do to: #1 Resolve your misunderstandings #2 Avoid burning out ALL of your creative energy, and both becoming depressed in the process of doing #1? -- Anonymous
Your Answers: 1+
A1 To me, Quasi-Identical relationships seem even worse than Conflicting ones; especially the Extroverted ones. They are the only ones in which I have had really terrible heated arguments. Maybe it is because your partner subconsciously expects from you the behaviour and thinking that is your Conflicting=coming least naturally to you. -- Ezis (ESFp)
A2 I think I might have had a quasi-identical relationship: INTj and INTp, and it ended, so I probably cannot give you any advice. -- Anonymous
A3 Im an ENFp girl dating an ENFj guy for about a month now. 1 i make sure we're talking about the same thing when we talk about stuff. And i keep the convo light. -- Anonymous
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A4 I had exactly the same problem with an ENFJ that I was dating. I felt so exhausted trying to explain my position that I finally ended the relationship. I value her friendship very much and admire her as a person but the closer we got the more confusing and difficult things became. ENFJs make great friends. ENFPs can add to joy to their lives but only in short burst. So its OK to call it quits, resolve to be friends and go look for your dual. Thats my take on it. -- ENFP
A5 I'm an ENFP male married to a ENFJ female. We are currently separated and I am preparing to file for divorce. We have alot of the same interests and likes, which is what drew us to one another. However, it was DRAINING communicating with one another. We never understood each other, and burned each other out. There were even times when we argued about things we agreed on! The disconnect was that bad. Our relationship was just like the description of quasi-identical relationships. My experience is that eventually both of you will exhaust one another because the communication gap is too great. Hopefully your situation doesn't end up like mine. -- Anonymous
A6 Living with an enfj right now, and Cant wait for her to move it. I agree with what other posters have said about not understanding each other. Both of us got really close because we are interested in the same things, but ultimately had no new insight to offer each other. we both gave each other advice that the other didn't take very seriously. very annoying getting advice from her and giving advice that she didn't find valuable. also, we always ended up talking about our problems instead of doing things, and it became very boring for me. one of us would have to take the role of being the one who had to change the subject or get out of our heads and find something to do when we hung out. -enfp -- Anonymous
A7 I've been in a two year relationship with an ENFJ, and seriously I know what this is about. I have always been an extremely patient person, I didn't actually know being "sick and tired" of something was real. We're on a break right now, and I don't even really care what happens. We have learned to communicate with eachother by basically talking really slow, explaing how we feel about things, but recently though it seems like he's "listening" yet nothing ever really processes and when he relays it back, its sometimes completely different, or exactly what I said but no actual plan to do anything about it which is the POINT. We have come along way, but its just exhausting now. I am actually prefering solitude to it. -- ENFP
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