| Socionics Personals |  | Female
Straight
16-25
Oceania
Libra
ENFj |
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Straight
16-25
Middle East
Sagittarius
INTj |
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Straight
26-35
North America
Pisces
INXj |
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| Question #1255597238 | Thursday, 15-Oct-2009 |
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| I am in a stormy friendship/relationship with an ENFP. We are on-again off-again. I have read the "ENFP uncovered" profile on this site, and I find it frighteningly accurate. I will admit that I found it a bit disappointing when I discovered this person was an ENFP. Initially, I had thought this person was an SP of some type, because of his love of theatrics and theatre. But I now see that this is also a trait of the ENFP. Anyway, the reason I was disappointed to find this person is an ENFP is because the only other ENFPs I have known, I have found almost unbearable. Granted, people are individuals ... but I've read some comments on this site about the ENFP perhaps being the most obnoxious of all types, and I have to admit that this person often lives up to this. I think that what makes this type obnoxious is that they take the NF need for "inner meaning" and project it out into the world and demand not only attention from everyone, but also constant moral support. In other words, they seem to be very unstable and unpredictable people. One of the other ENFP's I knew was once described as follows: "When she's up, she's up. But when she's down, she's down!" In other words, the extremes. I'm experiencing this with the relationship I'm having with the ENFP in question: the good times literally got into spiritual realms (praying together), and the bad times because uncontrolled yelling matches full of hatred. I can really relate to the ENFP uncovered profile that says to avoid this type if you do not like high maintenance people. So, my question .... I don't know. Any advice on how to deal with this ENFP in my life? The way I dealt with the previous two ENFPs in my life was to happily allow the first one to just drift away (we were never that close anyway), and to just accept that with the second one I could not allow myself to remain close because it was exhausting. This seems to be a very unstable type. -- Anonymous |
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| A11 Thank you for the responses everyone! My relationship with the friend in question is now back in good standing. I've learned to accept that many of the aspects of this friend that I feel are confusing, are related to his behavior as an ENFP. A8 - Thanks for your response. I am an INFJ, which means that according to Socionics my friend and I are "mirror types" and therefore have a relationship of mutual correction. I think that probably our relationship difficulties stem from this fact that we are a relationship of mutual corrections. Sometimes the corrections become too intense and it gets overwhelming and we need time apart. (Our difficulties usually come from our own homoeroticism. Sorry if that's too graphic. But basically sometimes he gets angry with me for being too gay, and I counter that he's gayer than I am. Actually, this was the cause of our last "break up," which has now been mended.) About the caffeine metaphor, that's a good metaphor. All ENFPs that I have known have been a curious mix of NF and SP. For the longest time, I thought my friend was an SP type. Specifically, I thought he was an ESTP. But somewhere along the line I started to notice that he had too much heart to be an ESTP, so I thought maybe he was an ESFP. (What I mean by "too much heart" is that he talks about his feelings a lot and gets introspective a lot, which is something I've never known an SP to do.) I got two out of four correct: he's definitely an Extravert and a Perceiver (couldn't finish anything to save his life; terrible scheduler, etc.). It's a fascinating personality type, this ENFP type. I read somewhere that of the NF types, the ENFP is by far the most outgoing. This is very much the case with my friend. His way of dealing with people is amazing. He really loves people, and unlike me and the other more introverted NF types, he doesn't keep this love of other people to himself. A9 - Thank you for your comments, especially. I agree that ultimately socionics and all personality type studies are general. Actual individual human beings are much more complex. There are so many levels to relationships. I use information from MBTI, Keirsey, and Socionics, all as guides, not as the end-all-be-all. I'm sure we'll all agree that we can never know all of the answers. Sometimes, though, we get into territory where we aren't sure what's going, and type studies can help. About this being "an extreme case .... and highly stereotypical..." I read a thread a while ago that addressed homosexuality and bisexuality with regard to type. The consensus seemed to be that all types can be of any orientation. But strictly speaking, the NF types tend to be more emotional and introspective, more "sensitive," and willing to talk about their "feelings" than the other types - and these are traits that are often seen as "feminine." -- Anonymous |
A12 You kno what's great about ENFp's? They can intuitively kno a person very well and they can understand the situation very well. In my opinion, it's ok for an enfp to be mean to you, but it's not ok for anyone to be mean to an enfp. Ok, well maybe enfp's should not be mean, but they like to get people out of difficult situations in life, and they can only do this if u let them give u objective criticism. So i rate you stop fighting with her, because ENFp's can take things Very personally! (Secondary introverted feeling, remember) And i don't kno if they'v changed the enfp uncovered since i last read it, but if it's the one that says enfp's kno how to start a friendship then don't kno where to go from there, that uncovered profile was horrible and untrue! Lots of people don't treat enfp's with enough respect, so i think most restrictions in relationships with enfps come from the enfp not feeling appreciated enough from the other person, and therefore not wanting to open up more. Sorry if u think i'v been rude to you in this message, but i'm just starting to get tired of people being mean to enfp's. They are truely amazing people!  Just remember, an enfp is like a flower, and if u water it and give it fertilizer, etc, it can grow and bloom into a big, beautiful, bright flower!* Hope this helps -- Anonymous |
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| A13 Thank you for the responses, everyone. It is two years down the line with this relationship, and it has had more ups and downs than the stock market. At the moment I am feeling that this friendship/relationship may be over permanently, and I'm thinking that's a good thing. I tried really hard. But something I never mentioned in this discussion is that I am a male, and the other person (the ENFP) is also a male. This is one of the complications in the relationship. There have been some comments in this discussion that the ENFP can be highly sensitive and they need to feel needed and appreciated. Well, that's the problem. I want to show him that I appreciate him, but then that makes him confront an aspect of himself he isn't ready to confront yet: his sexuality. I don't know if he ever will. Thanks for listening, though, everyone. -- Anonymous |
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