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Question #1248869334 | Wednesday, 29-Jul-2009 |
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Well, I've been friends with an istp for almost 2 years now and we've been really really close to the point where I have entered his awkward, bordering on obsessive "own world". However, right now I just kind of want to be myself and focus on my own interests, etc and suddenly I just feel very distant to him that I don't know what I still need him for? I just suddenly lost interest w/ him completely... and I don't know if he misses me or anything but he is always online in mesanger and whenever I go invisible he just suddenly goes offline. and then there's facebook, etc. I don't know if it has anything to do with me? I feel that he does these things on purpose for me to notice him? or not.... I just really don't understand why.... do istps move on from relationships fast? I am very confused. -enfp -- elle |
Your Answers: 1+ |
A1 If you are really enfp, that means as the extravert you have the upper hand in bringing variety into your relationship. And if you are really intuitive, it is up to you even more to keep things alive with your innate creativity. Plus, being an f (feeler) . So my suggestion is that you engage your friend more with planning more mutual activities and interests you think up. Usually if one person in a relationship sees something "wrong," it is because they have the innate capability of fixing it before the other even notices. Especially with duals (perfect matches). It also sounds like you need more time to yourself. Everyone needs that, to nurture their own interests. But that doesn't mean you have to break the relationship. enfps and istps have the hardest time with idealizing perfection in their relationships and not seeing them through the dull spots every relationship goes through. -- Anonymous |
A2 Maybe your istp friend is really depressed? Then he needs someone to help him out of his miserable shell to find variety and things to enjoy in life again. -- Anonymous |
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A3 No offense but I'm wondering if maybe lately something has to be all about you to seem interesting? sometimes ENFP can become too self-important with their interests. Then others look boring because ENFP doesn't bother enough to care about others' creativity and spontaneity too. You have to share to keep it interesting. ISTPs have rich inside worlds. Other types ignore them rather than engage them. You have to pay attention, dig into their inner world & then you can maybe appreciate them for who they are again. Also, every relationship benefits for doing something unexpected, special and different for the other person - maybe a special date to someplace different for both of you. That can rekindle things a lot. My husband does that for me all the time! He is so thoughtful and creative. We are greedy for new experiences together (going out, vacations) but it is so worth it. It keeps things alive so our bond goes deeper. -- Carla |
A4 Can you call him when you're upset and just want to talk to someone who would be on your side when you feel like its you against the world? Can you count on him to come to you when you want him to? Can you run to him when you're feeling lonely to comfort you and to keep you company? Can you talk to him when you had a horrible day, got bad reviews of yourself and your self esteem is running low and just want to be reminded of your good qualities? Did you EVER have that privilege in almost 2 years now? Snap back to reality he's just a "friend" if even that.... you can call up friends when you're upset and you can count on them for company. So he most probs doesn't even qualify as a friend. You really DON"T need him for anything and its good you're focusing on healthier things that you SHOULD focus on. You need a reality check to stop noticing when he goes online or offline to keep yourself sane. It doesn't even matter what type he is does it? He's not your boyfriend and thats all that matters as far as him doing immature stuff hiding behind a computer is concerned. And do yourself a favor and don't miss out on any potential candidates. -- fellow enfp |
A5 hey Elle! I'm also an enfp and friends with an istp (for about 3months now), and yea, i've experienced similar things with this guy, kinda like mixed signals, so i also dont know what to conclude on this. But with the other issue about loosing interest, i think that sometimes this happens when u've got a problem with something he does or the relationship and u dont bring it to the light (by not telling him). But istp's are superstars, and enfp's naturally need them, and if u dont feel like u need them it doesnt mean u dont, coz i also often feel "distant" to him, but when we're together again, or every third time i talk to him (about), i feel very close to him! Hope this helps! Just my 5cents. All the best!:) -- Anonymous |
A6 To be honest, I think the crap needs to be cut and you guys should talk. I'm sure a legitimate talk will clear up any misunderstandings... i.e. Facebook and IM bs. Communication is key and there seems to be huge lack of it right here. -- Anonymous |
A7 Heres some advice on how to act with ISTPs, myself being one. We love contact, but more so in person. I myself hate modern technology and like the old days when you actually saw each other face to face rather than stupid texting or w/e, though i will admit it is beneficial when i need something on the fly or some info from someone, however its importance is usually small. And dont get the feeling that hes giving you mixed signals because ISTPs are shy as **** and will act normal even if they totally have a thing for you. Our whole thing is releasing emotions on our own time on our OWN, so as to not put pressure or our problems on others. I do enjoy hearing the problems and helping those in my "circle" however i am extremely skeptical of non circle peoples problems as most of the problems people at my age have are just so arbitrary and unneeded that i just don't bother. Our thing is to love people, and not so much be accepted just kind of understood. My ENFP friend and i get ****ed and in ruts whenever stupid **** happens between us, but we always manage, and it always seems like Hell when im mad at him because i question our relation every time it happens. However by the end of the day i can never just push him away because i do feel like id be throwing out my other half. My advice is, if your really really really going to end it or cut ties or limit them, dont signal it, we hate signals and we hate flattery. People call me cold or brutal because i am unable to feed peoples' super egos, but its only honesty. We treat others how wed like to be treated(or at least i do). I however, matured alot faster then the flock i was in and kind of just understand when something just loses fuel and has to end. If you gotta end it, end it on an okay note, for his sake really. -- Anonymous |
*Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com* |
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