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| Question #1245823293 | Wednesday, 24-Jun-2009 |
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| I am an INTp who is experiencing a major problem with not being able to stabilize my life and reap any personal benefit. A natural innovator and problem-solver, the "free thinking" nature of my type is leading me to a strapped existence: I am losing freedoms in the outside world through the various logistical problems I now continually face. I am trying to solve how to reverse this phenomenon, as my life seems to be an ongoing "drain" - people, institutions ever demanding MORE, and not compensating me for what I contribute. I consistently outperform others in the same roles yet get screwed, and asserting myself has never worked. Systems do not work for me unless I am a member of it working on how to improve it to increase its efficiency and productivity. Then the rewards for those at the top run sky-high, I lose my position, and receive less and less compensation over time. I also often get screwed on a minor detail miscommunicated to me; or, a completely absence of information. I am naturally cool yet when I am able, am concerned about others' problems, trying to help them by disseminating the information I accumulate coupled with innovative perspectives so as to try and attempt the rational processes of the mind and extricate some positive value from the situation which profits the sufferer, to reverse their role/luck. I also spend much of my personal time trying to solve my own problems, too. Yet, nearing midlife, I am drowning in this approach of my dominant functions because life is no longer working for me. I abhor any prospects of *personal* (vs. theoretical) exploitation and yet increasingly am finding others throwing this role on me as "the fall guy." It's like the old commercial: "give it to mikey ~ he can (handle) anything". The world treats me like an octopus without supplying me with the typical fundamental starting resources it gladly nourishes most others with. It is a cycle of "milking" my own circumstances to keep on going until the next crisis - the next problem arises. Its exhausting. What functions should I develop more? I also am not employed using my dominant functions any more - rather - my inferior ones, and this normally angers me which I constantly try to control and figure how to continually accept or overcome. I've tried developing my self-assertion for years and my willpower, but these still do not bring results when it comes to my personal benefit and well-being. I also try emotionally bonding with others, giving and (trying to) "receive" so as to reinforce others' sense of self-worth and ego as well ... but I experience great injustices in life, due to either my lack of social skills (or perhaps, resourcefulness?) I feel like an alien. I have also often been told throughout life that I naturally appear very arrogant before I even open my mouth, and as if I THINK I know it all - which I know I DON'T and do not see myself that way at all. When I do "shine" before others, they think I'm a neverending source of goodies for their taking, and that every task is "too easy" for me. I don't know how to eradicate these perceptions. Even demonstrating my need and faults does no good. Most of the time it feels like no one cares for my welfare but me, despite my caring for others through the assistance and gifts I have sacrificially given throughout life. (Whenever I do give, it seems I inadvertantly create a spectacle of myself in the perception of others. I don't get it.) If you have any ideas or similar experiences with any of this, please help and share your thoughts. I'm in a deep cognitive hole I need to emerge from, and my life is getting damn near un-DO-able - the fluidity of daily activity and work (i.e., Te functioning) is running out completely, if that makes any sense. E.g., it's a wonder I even have access to the internet to post this. -- Used, drowning, alien INTp |
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A3 Sounds like you were going through a phase of depression.  Which I now surprisingly think is a good thing ONCE in a WHILE... Depression occurs when we put in effort but there is no rewards in return for it for a long while, so evolutionary it is a good thing as an organism withdraws and thereby conserves it's energy and endorphins when there is no rewards around. But that doesn't mean we don't try to get out of it, not help others get out of it or let ourselves do something that makes someone go into depression. Anyway, 40% of people in america reported low happiness scored because of low job satisfaction so job satisfaction is really important for our happiness and mental well being. So like for me I think, finding a job that I would enjoy doing, make me feel like I'm using my skills/knowledge to the extent I feel satisfied, make me feel like the things I do and I are important and needed (after i finish something I like to think about what a group, whatever would do without my work it gives me satisfaction regardless of whether they show their appreciation), and make me feel like I have enough freedom to fluff my feathers and walk around in circles chirping once in a while. Sounds like you don't have intrinsic motivation for excelling in your job so you are trying to find an extrinsic motivation to compensate. I've been there and it feels sad... I stop liking what I'm doing and then I look for other ways it would provide happiness to me.. Have you thought bout changing it? I find looking for new jobs exciting and liberating because of all the possibilities, and I'd look for job descriptions that gives you your preferred responsibility and more importantly - sounds fun. Trust me, not all jobs are going to be boring and stagnant for you. According to ExecuNet the main factors affecting job satisfaction is limited advancement opportunities, a lack of challenge/personal growth, differences with corporate culture, disagreements with the boss and compensation concerns. So, how do you know what kind of opportunities are out there, challenge yourself with new jobs and finding out what type of challenges you like, what corporate culture you like until you don't explore different jobs in different places? In spite of my limited experience with the work force, I've always believed that the most important thing is to like what you're doing. If I like what I'm doing in itself regardless of the benefits, benefits and rewards will make its way without me having to worry about it. And about the social skill part, just because youre an introvert with a thinking preference does NOT mean you don't/can't have social skills. Social skill is just that - a skill and not some abstract innate talent.. that any given person can acquire through observation from people around us that are slightly more socially adept and sort of mimicking, which is exactly how children learn things as well. And I think our thoughts play a huge, huge role in what happens to us and how we think/feel about what happens to us. While I don't think The Secret is scientifically based (like it says it is), I do think it tells us the importance of making a conscious effort of fully imagining situations that we want and feeling (and even behaving) as if that desired situation is happening. I think attitude towards things is VERY important, because it subconsciously governs what we do, how we do it, how we perceive things and how we come off as to others. There has been a lot of anecdotal evidence of how just focusing on 'good' thoughts have changed their lives. I think A2 is right cept for the bit about how if someone tells you something and you act on it and get hurt in the process (this is a very broad point since I don't know if someone says something because they were asked for advice, or thought that the idea would help the person they're delivering it to or for something else) then I think you have right to go to that person and tell them how their idea affected them and what the idea giver person can do to make it better. Unless the idea giver is a horrible person and shows no care or regret, in that case I'd say to simply stop talking to them to save yourself. Again I dont know what the reasons are for giving or taking the idea, but if its something like the idea giver wants medicine pills and communicates the idea of medicine a while ago and then communicated the idea of bringing water too after a while, and water is the only thing thats brought to them... well.... then its sorta a lose lose situation since the meds are not taken and the sick person is still in pain nor is the water bringer appreciated since they did not meet the most basic requirement for the sick person.. the meds... so like the sick person indeed wanted water but he/she needed the meds even more to pay back in gratefulness.. the water is nice but it's weird if the bringer neglects to bring meds even tho he/she KNOWS the meds are needed and they only bring the water... its a little funny situation since the sick person cant say thankyou since he/she was denied the meds but then water is presented to them... so its like a little subject specific hierarchy of needs... like for the sick person its - meds > water > food > room temp > couch/bed > a blankie > you to tell stories > personal services like grooming... u get the idea. so if the higher need to given b4 the basics... well that doesnt really help... does it? Even if all of that is given but no meds... the pain will still be there..... -- Anonymous |
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