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Question #1242813534Wednesday, 20-May-2009
Category: ENFp ISTp Dating Love Duality
I'm new to socionics, but I've been blown away by how well the ENFp personality describes me. However, My biggest concern is with the dual relationship. I'm 21 years old, and I have never had trouble attracting the opposite sex. I'm very fond of these guys while I am with them, but they're easy to forget when they're not around. Also, they're more interested/invested in me than I am in them. I've heard other ENFp's describe feelings like this. However, I have been in a serious relationship before (2 1/2 years), and it was a very healthy and loving one on both ends (literally no fighting). He was not at all ISTp. Why do I seem doomed to end up with some ISTp that doesn't appreciate all the love and affection that I enjoy giving? This type doesn't seem attractive to me at all, and most of the relationships that I read about seem very tumultuous and difficult. I am a happy, easy-going person; why would I be attracted to such a seemingly negative, unhealthy relationship? Since I am a text-book ENFp, is that the kind of person I'm destined for? Any advice would be much appreciated! -- ENFp Gator
Your Answers: 1+
A1 well... I suppose if you are willing to settle, any other type will do. -- ISTPJim
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A2 You do not sound like a total ENFp. There might be a huge chunk of you that is some other type. Are you sure you've always been an ENFp? ENFps I know could never forget an ISTp BUT they make them do a lot of work to deserve their love AND they do a lot of work too deserve the ISTp's love. There would be no chance of even nor being around since ENFps have high standards and unless there is some physical prevention for the ISTp for not being around (like being in the navy or something), ENFps take that as a sign of them not being interested enough and move on to other ISTps who show interest. ENFps have this quality (they usually want to know things so if they sense some truth is being hidden from them, they use clever verbal tricks to extract the information they are hiding. So basically ENFps makes the ISTp confess their love in a clear cut manner. Which no other type (cept for maybe the ESFj) is capable of doing. ENFps tend to also like deep emotions even if they are sad emotions. They like to watch sad movies and listen to sad songs and have a good cry. They also like to cry when they are saying goodbye for a long time. So the ISTp-ENFp relationship is well suited since it fulfills the ENFp's dramatic and heavily emotional wishes and makes the ISTp less negative and more motivated with the ENFp's optimism and full of life personality. ENFps also keeps the ISTp highly entertained as ENFps are very very entertaining to be around ALL the time. ENFps usually do not just give out love and appreciation unless there is something good in return. My hard core ENFps friend told me once that she would make her bf do more than her in relationships. ENFps I know seem to be disappointed by all other types except for ISTps. The ISTps I know in a relationship with ENFps all do some pretty dramatic things like getting a tattoo including their ENFp's name (i know 2 ISTp guys in relationships with ENFps who did that) or flying over to the other side of world to see their gf even though they have less money. ENFps like to feel proud of themselves and everything in their life and they care about what people think of them and they like to make it seem that everything in their life is better in comparison. I have ENFp friends who love to talk about how they and their love lives are sooo much better than everone elses and how much thier boys show them love openly and are always there for them even if we do not want to hear it at all. So, the extravagant love ISTps give ENFps make the ENFp proud and enables them to showoff. ISTps are usually highly sensitive to their feelings getting hurt, so ENFps are good for them since they handle people's feelings with sensitivity and they are very good talkers when it comes to emotional things and are excellently skilled at talking through relationship problems with the ISTps. ENFps are good at reassuring their ISTps how much they are actually loved and that they have nothing to worry about even if the ENFp have a lot of friends of the opposite sex. I know a married ISTp-ENFp couple and the ISTp even feels jealous if his wife's sister comes to stay for a while and gets attention from his wife. I don't need so much as ISTps give (although like any person I would def like it) but I do expect to never be hurt on purpose and be highly respected - which is more important to me. When ENFps are hurt by someone on purpose, they think about why they did that and understand that, and make sure they don't do the same things that caused the other person to hurt them. I've observed many ENFps that annoyingly continue doing what they're told not to do until they are hurt in an ISTp manner and then they finally get it. I am much much more sensitive to being annoying and just need telling once what is not liked (obviously ofcourse assuming they always tell the truth). And I do NOT put up with being hurt on purpose no matter what I did (unless I severely hurt them on purpose when I shoudn't have). And I want someone who would love me for who I am. ISTps have high expectations from their ideal mate and need someone who strive to meet those expectations like the ENFp does. Also, I read in wiki that ENTps focus more on the process rather than the end result, and ENFps focus on the end results. I considered the processes more important than the actual results ie I would appreciate someone trying even though they wouldnt come through untill I realized the result was never coming and I was being taken advantage of all along for a really really long time (gosh I wish I'd find my ISFp soon). I am kind of an ENFp but when it comes to romantic relationships I'm more of an ENTp. -- Anonymous
A3 Wow A2, thats a goood explanation, sounds accurate and makes perfect sense to me -- ENFp
A4 " There would be no chance of even nor being around since ENFps have high standards and unless there is some physical prevention for the ISTp for not being around (like being in the navy or something)" I second that. I'd feel too disappointed to be interested. -- ENFp
A5 love and attraction are not meant to be between every dual. I've known some ENFP and ISTP that had nothing in common nor were attracted to each other enough to even remotely connect- The most important is to have something in common that drives you together in the first place. Also some ISTP's are not looking to commit, I notice that this is common in ISTPs. -- Anonymous
A6 I agree with A5. different people have different criteria they desire to share in common to be a couple.. like views on certain things for example. Cultural and moral values have to be in common at least, for me. I'm a little too old fashioned morally to be okay with my The guy to be going to strip clubs and such more than once a year and that too only if he has enough self discipline and a high super ego, watching vulgar things and watching porn more than normal. Although I'm okay with my guy to do all that if its just a phase and im not serious about the relationship and if I dont think hes The One. Its kind of easy to judge weather a person is trustworthy or not and where his priorities in life are after knowing them for a while. -- Anonymous
A7 Doomed to be with an ISTp that doesnt appreciate your love? Wow, that hurts me that you think that. I'm just hoping your lack of duality interaction was the cause behind that statement. If theres any type that will appreciate your love the most, it will be the ISTp. BUt remember, all ISTps are different and it may take some time to find one that works with you -- Anonymous
A8 Gosh, I feel bad about that statement. "Doomed" is probably a little harsh. I guess I just haven't met anyone of that personality type before, and it doesn't seem like the kind of person I'm usually drawn towards. I appreciate the advice, though, and it makes a little more sense now. Thank you. -- ENFp Gator
A9 I strongly agree with A4. -- ENFP
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