| Questions & Answers |
| Question #1242206194 | Wednesday, 13-May-2009 |
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| Our daughter looks like to have an ESFj type. Everything from the profile fits with her except the fact she is extremely ego-centric. She speaks and speaks about herself, what she did, how successful she was, what she want, etc. She believes she knows everything better than other people and always tells what they should do. But she has to take a decision even the most unimportant one, she asks and asks even if the other people can't answer. She also is almost never willing to help if someone asks, or she doesn't notice if someone needs help. Sometimes however she wish to impose her kind of help even if it is not what is actually needed. So I wish to ask: Does our daughter actually have an ESFj type or is it another type? When she works she is absolutely exact and meticulous and needs a total quietness. She is rarely spontaneous and needs to prepare everything. piccolo_michel (ISFj) -- piccolo_michel |
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A1 From her description she seems quite young  . I think she might be a T if she doesn't notice that someone needs help.. (Although I think sometimes functions like T and F might develop or grow due to experience later in life). ESFjs I know usually focus on trying to figure out what each person needs (emotionally and otherwise) and then try and usually succeed fulfilling it. They care about what people think of them and want to be liked, and so they wouldn't usually openly talk and talk about only themselves. Or actually they might if they are talking to someone who isn't giving them the approvals and flatteries they need. The ones I know either ask a lot of questions about other people when in a conversation or remain silent so that the other person has a chance to tlak. So maybe she is an ESTj? Or even an ENTj? Although I would like to add that if she is an extraverted sensing, she might not be able to read subtle gestures and hints of needed help even if she is F. Hope this helps  -- Anonymous |
| A2 And she might be talking about herself a lot with you just to make conversation.. and because she knows you care I know I have always talked about me, what I did, what I want to do and some more me, me and me with my parents.. and I still do -- Anonymous |
| A3 Thank you for your answers.our daughter is 30 years old! If I could define our difference I'd say a stingy altruist for myself and a generous ego-centric for our daughter. I also had thought of ESTJ or ESFP as a possibility for her type. But she is much too sensitive and emotive for an ESTJ. The smallest contrariety induces a huge melodrama! She is absolutely not spontaneous and doesn't enjoy surprises so that ESFP doesn't seem to fit too. Even when we are already in bed and asleep, she doesn't mind to loudly exclaim at every observation she has just made, or at every funny scene she has just seen on the TV. She happens also to waken us only to tell us what she has just seen or to ask which clothes she has to wear the next day! -- piccolo_michel (ISFj) |
| A4 Was she a little spoiled? The egocentricity that you describe may be due her having had a rather sheltered life, and now she may not look outside the box much. One has to separate her personality from her type, which does sound ESFj. -- I/O |
| A5 She seems like a fun "little" daughter! I don't mind waking up the house either cause I just felt like it or wanted some raw mangoes.. whatever comes first. Although I think surprises are kickass and I never thought someone could not like surprises. I LOVE giving surprises to everyone. Does this mean I should keep the p and j factor in mind when I feel like giving surprises? I'd think you have worldly experience and advice under your belt since well you have raised a 30 year old! I'm just 14 :-/ waiting to get my license so that I get off grownup sites like socionics and go skip ropes like normal 14 year olds. That reminds me, I'm gonna go try balancing an icecream cone on my nose finally while I rollerblade. -- Anonymous |
| A6 PS: And it seems like she really trusts your sense of style -- Anonymous |
| A7 From what you describe, my guess would be that your daughter is ESFp rather than ESFj. The only thing that doesn't fit is that you say she is not spontaneous, needs to prepare everything, and does not like surprises. Could you give an example of a situation where your daughter needs to prepare everything, and a surprise your daughter didn't like, and explain a little more in what way she is not spontaneous? The more data we have, the better answers we'll be able to give. -- Krig (INTj) |
| A8 Thank for your help. As a complement I just copied a short description of our daughter's behaviour I wrote in a yahoo-group in order to get some help as I also did here! At school our daughter had absolutely no problems memorizing things and so could easily learn several languages. Mathematics was also easy so long she had already done similar exercises. Physics and chemistry were much more difficult for her. The most difficult matter for her was writing essays in french(however she was much better than I was!!!) She was also particularly good in drawing, painting and manual works and could minutely work for hours. (BTW, already before school, when she was only 4, she was able to help me for surgery by cats and dogs). She learnt much better through examples or in trying and doing. If something new and unexpected appears it's always a moment of panic, she loses hope and cries, asks immediately for help, and if help doesn't come instantaneously it's a huge theatre. She has no patience at all. During few minutes or sometimes hours everybody has to be there and immediately try to answer her questions even if nobody knows the matter until she finally calms down and finds an ingenious solution. At meetings or in company of strangers she is usually charming, makes immediately new friends, mixes without difficulty in every conversation and in few seconds is already the centre of interest. She speaks and speaks about herself and herself and herself. Actually I FIRST thought of ESFp (SEE) but I found she is not spontaneous enough and worries much too much when the unexpected happens. Besides and although she is unwilling to obey rules of our family she tries to compel everybody to follow the rules she learnt at school or those she read in books. -- piccolo_michel |
| A9 Thats weird. Why does she need to cry to get instantaneous help? Guess I'm a little spoiled in that sense, I never have to cry to get immediate help. It just comes.. maybe cause I expect it to come right away and I very very rarely cry. -- ESFp |
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| A10 An example from last week: she tried to download a file on internet. It didn't work on the first time. She asked a question, I IMMEDIATELY answered. She tried again but it didn't work as she didn't exactly understand my answer. She was already crying and whining as she immediately needed this file. I stopped everything I was doing, downloaded the file without a problem. She was happy about the download but simultaneously angry because I had badlly explain the procedure. -- piccolo_michel |
| A11 At A10: Maybe she was angry because of your attitude towards her... -- Simon the INFp |
| A12 A little more story about her: She got married about 8 years ago. Everything went well during 4 years until her father-in -law came with her and her husband for a trip. They had some quarrels and our daughter already thought of a divorce. Later our son-in-law always found her wife (our daughter) was much too exacting and criticizing and so often believed she didn't longer love him. Later he had an affair with a young woman and began lying to our daughter. When she got the proof of these facts our daughter came back 4 months ago with her whole furniture to us while her husband was on a trip and so left almost nothing to her husband. When he came back from his trip he found an empty appartment, even without a bed! From this moment I could notice that everything what our second daughter told about her elder sister was true: she ONLY opens her mouth in order to speak about herself (her exploits or her misfortunes) or to criticize what her next relatives are doing and she has her mouth almost always open! So my question was whether this behaviour was relative to her type (someone suggested ESFj) or is this behaviour only a subjective impression our second daughter and I got because of our inter-type relation? My wife (likely ENFp) didn't feel it so strongly although she also had several quarrels with our first daughter, she had indeed much more serious quarrels with our second daughter (maybe INFp). With both our daughters my wife got the impression after each quarrel she did everything wrong. -- piccolo_michel |
| A13 To me, this doesn't seem to be connected with her being an ESFj. Any type can be always-complaining and always-criticizing as well as selfless and nice. This doesn't depend on type but on upbringing, inner discipline etc. and also on the intertype relationship. For example, people tend to complain more to their Benefactors and Illusionaries than to their Mirrors or Semi-Duals. I think either there is something wrong with your daughter, like she needs a total change of environment or a psychologist's help, or she is basically more or less OK and these qualities of her get stronger only in communication with you and her husband, then it would be a consequence of your infavorable intertype relationships. -- Ezis (ESFp) |
| A14 Thanks for your replies. Further observations let me now more think of ESFp. As my type is a kind of mixture between ISFj and ISTp, an illusionary intertype relation ESFp-ISTp could fit. The part of the ESFp profile about home appliances or cooking a dish could fit too! -- piccolo_michel |
| A15 A14: I wouldn't rely much on the profile, it's like with horoscopes, you can find something that fits you in every type. ESFp seems possible from what you write about your daughter, but what strikes me as not fitting the ESFp type is that ESFps usually don't have problems accepting changes. They accept them least easily from all the Ep types, but still, they are quite flexible. Maybe ISFj type would suit your daughter more? ISFjs are similar to ESFps but are more conservative. -- Anonymous |
| A16 The description by Filatova http://wikisocion.org/en/index.php?title=Filatova_SEE did confirm me in the idea our daughter's type is SEE (ESFp). My wife also read this description and then was sure! -- piccolo_michel |
| A17 http://www.utsa.edu/careercenter/students/career_planning/MBTI_Profile.htm These give some in depth MBTI official descriptions. -- Anonymous |
| A18 "except shes a little ego-centric". ESFJs of a certain subtype are so stuck up for no reason, ie esfj's are very egocentric they do stuff because it makes them feel good at least half the reason all the time -- Anonymous |
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