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Question #1239969679Friday, 17-Apr-2009
Category: Family Typing Statistics
What type are you and what type are your parents? How do you think the types and quardras of your parents affected your personal development, and the manifestation of your type? What problems have you faced with your parents, in terms of type differences? How did you overcome these problems? I’ll start with my own case. I’m an xNFx (but definitely not an ENFj). My mother is an ISFj and my father is an INTp – both Gamma Quadra. I think that this has caused me to adopt slightly more gamma-orientated views – I value pragmatism, social connections and material things more, and am less idealistic than most NF types I come across. I think it’s also affected how I try to help ppl sort through their problems. Like most NF types, I want to help ppl sort through their emotional problems, but unlike most NF types, I don’t display a great deal of gentle tact. Whilst most NF types will try to reason with someone from THAT PERSON's point of view, I’ll try to get them to think rationally and realistically, sometimes by beating them over the head with the facts (not literally, unfortunately you can’t swing a fact), and/or the likely consequences of their present actions. This was the sort of ‘tough love’ approach my parents took with me. I’m starting to realize this approach isn’t so effective… Also, I have some problems with my ISFj mother…she’s always at me about how I don’t do household chores right. I cannot match her super high standards when it comes such things. I often will take shortcuts or not fully complete tasks (eg. I’ll leave the dishes in the sink to dry overnight instead of putting them away immediately; I’ll put meat in water to defrost WITHOUT removing the plastic bag they’re in (esp if the meat’s stuck to the bag); I’ll forget to squeeze the juice out of cucumber slices before marinating them, etc.). As far as I can see, I keep the kitchen quite clean, and help out with cooking where and when I can; hwr, when my mum spots these little ‘errors’, she’ll get all riled up and moan about how I can’t do anything right, how I’m so stupid in the way I do things…sometimes it’s rather hurtful, sometimes it’s just plain annoying, as she’s making a big deal out of (and over-generalizing on) small things that are really easily fixable. PLUS sometimes her instructions just aren’t detailed enough for me! Sometimes I’ll just say outrightly (trying to tap into her Fi), ‘Your standards are too high. I can’t live up to them. I don’t have your natural know-how’ (but in Mandarin), and she’ll sort of laugh and admit that it’s true. Doesn’t really fix the problem, I’m still going to not do things ‘perfectly’, and she’s still going to moan and overblow things, but it sort of momentarily eases the tension. Any tips on how to deal with ISFj parents? -- Shez
Your Answers: 1+
A1 ENFP with ESFJ mother and ISTJ father. Both of them are Js, which causes a lot of friction. They will not tolerate misbehaviour or messiness or anything rthat disrupts the "rules" of the house. With my mother, our mother-child relationship has been a bit rocky, this is mainly down to her trying to control my life, what I do, what I buy, yet I am very stubborn. With my dad we got on well, but not terrificly after all he is an ISTJ, so its hard to form a strong bond, although he is excellent at giving advice on studies/finances/work. 1 thing which frustrates me about him, is his lack of passion when it comes to sport. As for the rest of your Q, I have exactly the same problem its the SJ part of her personality kicking in... I haven't been able to resolve it, I usually get around it by saying my siblings aren't doing a great job or say at least I did the chores. Chores is a constant battleground between me and my parents. -- ENFP
A2 She sounds like an ESFj to me. -- Anonymous
A3 yeah, actually she could well be an ESFj. it's occurred to me. since i find if i act like an INTj round her, we get along quite well. But she has this thing against meeting new ppl and socializing, and she has gamma quadra values...she's a bit of both. -- Shez
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A4 Out of curiousity are you male or female? I have similar things going on with my parents, very similar to what you described, I think we might be similar; you being female would better explain the difference in the way you write and how you seem to have more to say when trying to communicate similar ideas, ha. No offense if you aren't. I think my mother is an ESFp though, as she seems more open to novelty, my father is definately an INTp. I can most certainly relate to being "irresponible" around the house and needing more specific intructions. I can especially relate to "appealing to her Fi", thats hilarious. I have a funny story relating to that, perhaps I'll submit it here later. -- Grant
A5 I'm an ISFj withan INFj mother and an ISFj father. My mom's a great parent, really like, supportive and stuff. She's even been good with my ISTp brother who was a total terror as a teen. My dad, on the other hand, drives me crazy sometimes. He gets really judgey, like if we do something wrong, he tries to impress upon us that it's bad, and we should do what he says just because he says it. He can also be a little too feely, even for me. Way too feely. -- ISFj
A6 I'm female. I wouldn't say i'm 'irresponsible' round the house (i keep it clean, albeit a little cluttered); i'm just not super-pedantic about the way I do chores. I wish my ma was slightly more INFj and less ISFj...but well, she is what she is...and she has some pretty remarkable ISFj qualities. -- Shez
A7 I'm an INFp with an ENFp mom and an XSTj dad. my mom was always there for the emotional support but she couldn't provide much, it was always my dad who had a more stable life so after they got divorced i've lived with him most of the time. for most of my life i didn't enjoy being around him at all. when my sisters and i were really young he would tell us we weren't cleaning right or good enough and would get spanked. and my mom, being a very moral person, told him if he kept that up she'd make sure he wouldn't be able to see us again. but i don't exactly enjoy being around my mom much either. we have good one on one conversations but once someone else is around besides just the two of us she feels like she has to be an attention seeker and that it's necessary to yell instead of talk and laugh the entire time. i really dislike that about her i guess, so i sort of became the opposite - very reserved and i rarely talk. when i was 14 i felt like we had switched places, i was supposed to be the one out and having fun but instead i was up all night waiting for her to come back home from a night out drinking. she has very left wing views and my dad is very right wing, when it comes to politics. i guess i take after her in that matter, but both of my sisters are right wing (oldest sister is ISTp and the middle sister is a gamma SF type). i think for being an INFp i'm pretty rational and moral, like the delta quadra, but not overbearingly so (like how i see many INFjs), because of my parents. but i don't think it's made me any less lazy also i've almost never dated a fellow N type, it's mostly been S's, and maybe that's because of my parents, or because of the nature of duality... but i'm not sure because i've only dated a few with leading function Se, my longest relationship was with an ISTp (although not exactly the best one i've had). i've dated one INFj.. i couldn't stand him, haha. it lasted about 2 weeks. -- Anonymous
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