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Question #1239777705Wednesday, 15-Apr-2009
Category: ISTp Hidden Agenda Love Relationship
Ok so the ISTP hidden agenda is to love. But they are bad at expressing feelings. What qualities would a person have that makes the ISTP completely comfortable to love? They often have pets that they absolutely adore, is it because the pet cannot possible reject them? If so, do you need to express your needs and your weaknesses and your love towards in order to allow them to love you? (ENFP here) -- Anonymous
Your Answers: 1+ 23+
A23 A17 described me perfectly. I am also very ISTp, no doubt about it. In my relationship experiences, I never set out to hurt a person as suggested by someone else. I devote myself completely to developing the relationship if the person shows an equally deep devotion, therefore making me trust them not to just walk away from the relationship. Although, if I feel like there is nothing changing in the relationship, or feelings are lost, I give up on it. I don't know if that is the truthfulness in me, by just acknowledging the fact that no feelings are being harbored anymore so therefore I move on, or if it's because I'm horrible at conveying my emotions that I can't explain to them why I don't like them anymore, so I just kind of stop talking to them. I understand how that can be portrayed at hurtful, because I would be hurt if someone did that to me, but I can't help it. Sorry if this is completely misrepresenting an ISTp, but this is what personally happens to me. -- Anonymous
A24 As an INFj who's had an ISTp interested in her for several years, I've wondered about the link between emotion & the sensing function as described by A16 (though I had no idea it could be so extreme!), and wondered if that's why they try to express their emotional interest through the senses? Also if the best way to comfort an ISTp might be a physical touch of some sort, just not necessarily overwhelming? Not the passion side of physical touch, but the relational. I've also been finding lately that I'm able to catch his emotions & thoughts, as in, I can feel them, almost hear them. Would that be a good way to help an ISTp learn to open up & feel comfortable with their hearts, or would it completely freak them out? I find it's helping me personally to know what's going on beyond that impossible enigma of outward seeming... -- Anonymous
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A25 A16 and A22 you are music to my ears… I'm a girl ISTP and that's exactly how I am. A17 exactly. The emotions reflect directly on my body, I think because they are too strong for my psyche or something. Probably due the Sensing nature. -- 7
A26 Istps don't want to love. They want to make their coworkers completely miserable! The istp girl at my work is so hateful but she is SOOO sneaky. I got so worked up about how disgustingly nasty she is that I was coming up with plans to meet her after work. But when I realized how serious things were getting, I decided to complain about her to the manager. The manager was completely shocked about why I would have a problem with such a sweet girl. Now I look like a total idiot that can't get along with my coworkers. Brings me back to my child hood with my Evil sinister istp sister. They don't want to love, they want to make people hate life and then sit back and laugh with a bag of popcorn. They're heartless animals! -- Intp
A27 A26 It seems that you are thinking of ESTP or ISTJ. -- Anonymous
A28 As an INTp who is clearly at a different level of maturity and self-awareness than A26, I have to say that my relationship with my ISTp boyfriend has been a very positive, easygoing, and exciting experience. Like him, I appreciate independence, intelligence, and calmly rational conflict resolution. It's true that he does not express affection in all the ways I would prefer, but it's critical for an intuitive or feeler in a relationship with an ISTp to understand that their facial expressions are NOT an accurate reflection of what's inside! They may look blank or be staring/scowling at you, but that's just because they're either thinking or focused on taking in sensory information. And their hesitance to express love until they're really, really, really sure that's what it is (and know that you aren't going to misunderstand what they mean) doesn't mean that they don't feel it. If I look at my boyfriend's consistent actions, especially how eager he is to give me a good portion of his free time and how many private things he's opened up to me about, I can get a sense for how he feels. In intimate moments, he'll sometimes betray his feelings through his eyes, although it's lightning quick and I have to pay close attention. I suspect that he's in about the same place I am - I call it love and he doesn't, but is the word more important than the feeling itself? An ISTp will be more open to loving you if you are an honest, authentic, logical, open-minded person who doesn't get possessive, dramatic (very low level of tolerance for that!), or put any pressure on them to spend a certain amount of time with you or express their emotions verbally. Other desirable attributes are intelligence, independence, a great sense of humor, playfulness, and an adventurous spirit. But you will get nowhere unless they find you physically desirable (which is based on their preferences and the amount of effort you put into your appearance - you don't have to be a model or anything unless you're dealing with an immature one). That may sound shallow, but because ISTp's are all about sensory experiences, it's going to be their primary dating filter. You'll need to enjoy at least some of the same activities (like sports and other outdoorsy stuff), and a strong libido is highly recommended. Expressing your emotional needs and your love for them requires extreme caution - it will not "allow" them to love you any faster; they will feel what they feel when they feel it on their own terms. In fact, if you express these feelings too soon (think several months if not longer) or in anything other than an objective, logical, concise manner at first, it will put a lot of pressure on them and they may feel like they're being manipulated. This will only make them pull away from you. I'm not saying they can't handle some emotion, but they need to get comfortable with you first. Basically, you can't do anything to get an ISTp to love you. You can only get them to notice you, and you're either going to be the right person for them or you aren't. If you're sexually appealing enough and not clingy, though, they'll probably at least date you for awhile. An ISTp can be a great choice for a fling or FWB - lots of fun and not likely to get emotionally attached if it's mutually understood to be casual. -- Anonymous
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