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Question #1238236123Saturday, 28-Mar-2009
Category: Duality ISTp ENFp Relationship
I am an ENFP and my currently love interest is an ISTP. When we were high school sweet hearts and after 5 years of dating (one year long distance for college). Things ended very, very badly. We went from seeing/talking to each other everyday to nothing. Complete silence for a year and change. We were young and made basically all the mistakes you can possibly make in a relationship with another person-and even spent so much time together we knew what it would feel like to live with each other-so relationship wise, we were pretty developed. But because of all those mistakes, they rolled up and we ended very very badly. it makes me sad just thinking about it. Well, over the year and change we had apart i tried to train myself to believe that we were never going to be together when in my studies of psychology/socionics, i learned that my ex was my dual-which explained why after so long I still longed to talk to him. Finally we talked recently and things have been going fantastically! We met up and talked for hours and he asked to see me again. Nothing was awkward-even silences. Things are slow now-which is fine. Slow and steady wins the race-but I’m having a bit of a problem. It’s very strange because I usually like to go after men that I am interested in...but I feel like I’m constantly waiting for my sweet ISTP to make the first move and I’m sometimes confused about whether he feels the same way for me as I do for him-and then there it goes-those ‘little’ things ISTPs are famous for. I understand that my ISTP partner isn’t going to be comfortable making the first move ( i wonder if he’s waiting for me to do something or wondering how much i like him?) so i’d like to try to make more of an effort. Since day one of talking to him I’ve had my guard up. I can feel it because i actually think about what I want to say to him before i say it (the rest of my life seems to flash by and my mouth just pours things out) and i draw a blank when we’re talking too....strange behavior for me. Even some of the men that I’ve dated in the past year or so have told me that i’m a tough shell to crack...How should i go about letting my guard down? What should i open up to the ISTP about myself without ruining he mystery of what might happen tomorrow? How should I get the ISTP to open up to me more? Any advice? thanks guys :] -- Anonymous
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Your Answers: 1+
A1 Tell him everything you just told us. Be completely honest. Opening up about yourself and what you feel won't "ruin the mystery of what might happen tomorrow". ENFps are so naturally fascinating to ISTps that the more you tell him about yourself, the more mysterious and interesting you will seem to him. As a bonus, the more you open up to him in an honest way, the more secure he will feel in opening up to you. Honesty is the basis for any good relationship. -- Krig (INTj)
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