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Question #1234007641Saturday, 7-Feb-2009
Category: Relationship ESTj INFp Duality Happiness
I am an INFp and am in love with an ESTj. We've been a couple for 1 year plus and at first, we really hit it off on a good note. I found that he was very sweet, giving me surprises on special occassions and would do anything to care for me and he does it well. We contact everyday and sometimes almost the whole day. We were passionate and though we had our rough patches, we would always forget it and move on with smiles on our faces. But later in our relationship things just started to change. We seemed to be arguing more and more and even the little things bother us. He became colder and I became more emotional. Our views clash, our behaviours annoy each other. He spends more time with his friends and sometimes avoid spending time alone with me. Just recently he suggested a break up. But I held on. And through the confusion, he told me he loved me still, but is just tired and less passionate. Now our relationship is sort of hanging in the air. We haven't broken up yet and he got the solution that he'll live his life without worrying if it'll hurt me or upset me. That means that he wouldn't tell me so much of himself anymore. And he doesn't contact me much anymore. I've gone one day without him contacting me. It bothers me. I was wondering what can I do to win him back? What can I do to help this relationship be back like it used to? I planned on giving him a week's space but I fear if I do that, it'll won't make things better. I hurt everyday and I wouldn't want continuing being like this? Is this just a passing phase? -- INFp Needs Help
Your Answers: 1+
A1 You can't make the present like something that has already happened. Instead, you have to accept what the present moment brings you; if you're not happy with it, then only you can make the necessary changes (whatever they may be). It's always a choice. -- INFp guy
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A2 I'm sorry to say this (don't take me wrong), but the outlook is not promising. It's just a normal stage in relationships; things cool off, things end. He no longer considers or treats you as his SO. ESTjs can be very cruel. Don't be a doormat. We've just got one life, it is not worth it to suffer unnecessarily. -- Honesty
A3 If it's that hard for the two of you to get along on a daily basis, it might be best for both parties involved to end it civilly, respectfully, and move on to something/someone better as opposed to drawing out a dissatisfying partnership... -- S
A4 I'm an ENFp female and I'm married to an ISTj male. We had a similar good start and went through a hellish 1st year, arguing a lot. Looking back, I believe we were each marking territory (we each had one daughter) and duking it out for "dibbs". It didn't help that I moved into his house and disturbed his natural order! Now that we've made it through the rough road and come around the corner of almost an entire year, I see that I could have been less confrontative and his is granting me much more leeway with everything, personality-wise included. He even acquiesced to move the furniture last weekend (something ESTj's really hate). I think he only wants to please me, which is so hard to remember when you are busy fighting for your own opinion. He even says that he grocery shops with me in mind (!) No one has ever done that for me before. I'll say one more thing, he is consistent in his efforts on my behalf, something which any woman would/should appreciate. -- ~ Cici
A5 My INFp daughter is dating a polite but driven ESTj who cherishes his collegues and friends over my daughter. It appears that she's only arm candy for him. She's always asking me what she has to do but I say "nothing" - if one has to change in order to be completely acceptable to the other then the match is less than ideal. I can easily see that their life goals are fundamentally different; however, my daughter cannot see beyond her boyfriend's business success and the potential lifestyle that she seeks. -- Anonymous
A6 Just put it down to experience and move on. -- ESTJ Female
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