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Question #1229890860Sunday, 21-Dec-2008
Category: Stereotype Relationship
I'm sure you guys are all aware of the "girls always fall for jerks" theory. How do you think this relates to type theory? -- Anonymous
Your Answers: 1+
A1 ENFp types hands down. I think they feel the need to 'rescue' the jerks. -- Anonymous
A2 That's not my case, I always fall for extremely decent guys that others consider boring and I don't. I think this theory could very well apply to NF women who fall for TiSe guys and also for ISFps who fall for ENTp guys. Or it could have been created by disappointed Ip guys who liked Ip girls but the girls chose their "naughty" Ep duals or semi-duals. A1: I know some ENFp women married to ISTp guys and they didn't fall for them because they wanted to rescue the jerks, it was the other way round: they were glad they had found someone serious and understanding who calmed down their Ne. -- Ezis (ESFp)
A3 I'm an INFp, and I really do "fall for the jerks". The one time I ever dated someone who was my dual, he..had a lot of problems, I'll say. And foolish as I was, I had some sort of dream that I would "save" him. But we didn't really work out, and after him came an ISTj. Now HE really was a jerk. Not sure if I'll even go into details on it. I'm not good at details anyways. But, even though both of them were "jerks" I would still rather be with them than a guy who will basically sit, stand, spin in a circle when I ask. -- Anonymous
A4 If we're talking about nice guys and jerks, I'd say that infjs are the ultimate nice guys. We are constantly in one-sided relationships, not saying anything to the other person because we want what's best for them. Then when the person that they are with turns out to be a jerk, we just sit here and thinking,"How'd I lose to this? He can't even remember her birthday, or open the door for her. Even at the very least, he's too selfish and won't even consider what's good for her." -- Anonymous
A5 I agree entirely INFj males best personify the nice guy but when you listen to an INFj complain its like INFj exposed. They can complain for hours and repeat themselves like a broken record. They can be genuwinely good people (like anyone can) but the 'nice guy' is a fascade for sure - its a label - they remain silent until they are in their comfort zone and then the trash talk starts. They avoid being outwardly mean and violent but that is not the same as niceness - they play the nice guy role or the victim. To sum up alot of how they feel: "I feel discouraged, disgruntled and unappreciated". They have a standard all their own and have a hard time accepting anything else, espeically in romantic ordeals. It is very common in today's dating scene to have "rotations", i.e. non-exclusive relationships (chances are if your single your probably in someone's rotation right now). The INFJ I know takes romance seriously and habitually commits to a relationship prematurely - i.e. even before being together one month he's thinking is she the one? They can easily fall for the idealization of love and put the partner as secondary - honestly after my friend was dumped he was not even heartbroken but depressed. In a positive light they are just old fashioned - meet a girl and settle down. I've talked to 'jerks' who belive you need to slay a few dragons before you find a princess. Neither of these beliefs translate into real experience - talk does not prepare oneself for the real experience. They advocate non-conformity but ironically they judge people by their standards instead - there have a double standard - they live for a life of moral rightousness and easily condem others who do not, espeically women who cross them. They do what 'they think' is nice but can lack that interpersonal connection - they need feedback from their partner. As for jerks. I've read that women can be attracted to them instictually because their aggression offers better protection than passive males - survival of the fittest. Socially jerks can be exciting, a love-hate relationship. They are like MILFs and cougars, they can tempt you to play with fire. Jerks attract an erotic love whereas Nice Guys attract a pothos love - i.e. marriage material. If a women is interested in non-exclusive relationships go for a jerk and if she's interested in exclusive relationships go for a nice guy. Even if you have the same values that can put more pressure and strain on a relationship because the stakes are raised that much higher which is not always sensible. I'm not suggesting the opposite to resort to wreckless abandonment. For any INFj who is similar to my friend, patience is needed for a serious long-term committment. He wants one but he's not nearly ready - he has a jealous streak a mile long. If you can learn from your experiences then you can admit you have bad habits and make yourself easier to be understood instead of blaming yourself or others. -- Anonymous
A6 I agree with both A3 and A4. Both types are intuitively geared towards reading other people's problems. Being introverts, their primary goal is often to help the other person rather than guard their own interests in relationships. This is based on personal experience and observation. -- INFp guy
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A7 Any type can be a jerk; it's more of a personality descriptor. A person may be a jerk to one person but cool to another; it's simply a matter of perspective. As well, a jerk is not always masculine. The fact that someone mates with a “so-called” jerk can be a refection of one's own self image -- I/O
A8 jerks seem to be attracted to me. I don't try to get their attention but they so somehow. A5 might be on to something here. -- infp girl
A9 Any type complains and any type can complain alot, but it's just that when an infj does it it's annoying or weird because people don't usually see that side of them. People are used to leaning on them, but when it comes a rare time for the infj to unload, the other type just flips with annoyance. I'm not saying that every other type is horrible and that it's their fault when I get hurt; I very much bring it onto myself. They wouldn't be so annoyed if I talked about what's bothering me more often, and most of the time I just unload completely on them, not really considering them. While other types may complain lightly many times, infjs only complain wholely once. Although, I am in agreement with you, we only "condemn" people out of our cynical side which has been so betrayed by others. We try to believe in hummanity and moral justice and it's very hard to face the fact they some people just don't want to regard those things as important. What you said about "nice guys" and "jerks" was very insightful, though, I never thought of it like that. (response to A5) -- Anonymous
A10 I'm definitely attracted to the bad boys but I always fall for the nice guys. I need to be intellectually stimulated as well as emotionally nurtured which bad boys can't give. -- INFJ
A11 im an ISFj and i tend to fall for INTps who can be real assholes. -- Anonymous
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