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Question #1229864020Sunday, 21-Dec-2008
Category: Family Relationship INTp ESFp
So I am 100% positive that I am an INTp. My mother is an ESFp and according to what I've read, we are two halves of a whole. We are supposed to understand how the other thinks and get along great, etc... HOWEVER - everything about her irritates me like nobody else. We cannot get along at all, and she drives me insane. Are there any exceptions to the fact that INTps and ESFps have a duality relationship? -- Anonymous
Your Answers: 1+
A1 The socionics theory is supposed to work in all cases, and in practice - I have met a lot of INTps and the worst kind of relationship I had with them was either just very mildly friendly, or being irritated by the other's opinions but having to admit they were right. Even when I was a teenager. But dual relationships can get bad if one of the partners has a negative quality that nobody likes. Being a drunkard, being too dominant and so on. Like my INTp colleague doesn't like our ESFp boss cause the boss is so conceited that nobody actually likes him. It is the potential of dual relations that our duals often see us more objectively than the other types, so I guess if the INTps thinks the ESFp boss is conceited then it's actually true. So maybe your mother is objectively too dominant, too fussy...? - But I don't think duals can tell what the other thinks. Sometimes they can, sometimes not. They just have the potential for the smoothest communication so when there's a will, there's a way of explaining to the other what you think so that they understand you. - There is also the possibility you've typed yourself or her wrong. Especially when you write "everything about her irritates me". This happens in Conflict relations most often. Perhaps your mother is an ESFj. Maybe you could describe her in more detail? -- Ezis (ESFp)
A2 Basically, anyone can get on your nerves, espeacially if they're your parents and people you live with. My dad's the same type as me and he really gets on my nerves sometimes. -- Anonymous
A3 Actually, everyone we know knows that she's controlling/fussy, but they all love her anyway because she's generous (with money we don't have) and she loves to give tons of advise (which she is in no place to give b/c she's a control-freak with deep-seeded problems). I seem to be the only one that can't stand being near her. Her voice alone makes my stomach and throat tense up. Although, I am the only one that actually lives with her. -- original poster
A4 That really sounds like a relation of Conflict. The "control freak" thing could come from either strong Se or strong Judging - when she's being controlling, is it because she thinks "this is the way it ought to be", or is it more "this is the way I want it to be"? -- Krig (INTj)
A5 It's definitly because she thinks "this is the way I want it to be" -- original poster
A6 Everyone likes her and still nobody (except you who hate her) lives with her? A weird position to be in. Maybe they don't like her so much. From the information you give I gather she's Se, most probably ESFp, but then you couldn't be an INTp. The description looks more or less what INTjs sometimes see me. Could you be an INTj? -- Ezis (ESFp)
A7 There's no way I'm an INTj. Like I said, absolutely EVERYTHING I've read about INTp applies to me. There is no doubt in my mind I'm an INTp. I'm also certain that my mom is an ESFp. All of the characteristics match. But seriously, everything about her personality ****es me off! She can go on talking for hours about nothing, so growing up I've learned to tune her out completely. I realized that I loose all motivation to do anything while she's around. She won't let me move out, and I fear that I'm just going to be stuck here, too depressed to even try to do good when I start school. -- Anonymous
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A8 Now I am not so certain if your mother is an ESFp. I know no ESFp that talks so much as you describe. Though we are extroverts, our first function is Se, so we do things rather than talk about them. We like people, but we like doing something together much more than talking. Our monologues rarely last longer than 15 minutes. And the not letting you move out thing also sounds extremely non-ESFp-ish to me. Our motto is "live and let live", so I personally am totally horrified at the mere thought of not letting someone move out. My younger sister is 21 and she still lives with me, and I am so scared of the thought she might get too dependent on me that I am leaving to live in another country for a couple of months now so that she gets more freedom. A7: Well when I was trying to figure out what type I am, half of the descriptions applied to me exactly. So I would advice some further research. The most reliable typing for me turned out to be the happiest childhood memory. When we are small children, we use our dominant function almost exclusively, and we know very well what it needs. And when this need is fulfilled, we're happy and remember it for years. I used to think that I am an INFp, but the first thing that usually came to my mind when I was asked what my best childhood memory was me winning a bow shooting competition. Extroverted sensing, clear as a day Also what helped was forgetting about all the typing and simply realize which adjective would offend you most and make you think the person doesn't know you AT ALL. I have no problem with people calling me aggressive, irresponsible and stuff, but twice, someone called me "an absent-minded intellectual" and I got totally furious. Later, I realized that was because an Se is always present in the situation, very rarely absent-minded, because there's no way of turning an ESp's senses off. -- Ezis (ESFp)
A9 You've most certainly mistyped yourself or your mother. Either that or one of you (or perhaps both of you) is an inherently despicable individual, which tends to obscure the bounds of intertype relations. Give it some thought. Don't just say, "Oh, but all the characteristics fit" because there's always the possibility that you've been getting bad information. -- Anonymous
A10 1stly, why dis-credit the man? (your attempt at sideness, by producing facts is fine, but discredit his accessment is the KILLER {this is why biologists exist relative to doctors, u are the doctors and i am the biologist}). Strategically, he should recognise and get out as is appropriate. Let him hate his ESFp mum. The world is wide, he will find the one ESFp life-partner he needs without hating that person, ... the world is wide, as viral organisms we need diversity within our thought patterns to survive (intp) -ultimately increase the surviviability of our specie- -- @sirac
A11 was it not Esiz who said some INTPs are asif they were 'drunks'. being a perceptive i am amazed at her label (not cause i want to enforce an ethico constraint, merely at the ESFp 'sight' which is yet so physical yet so acute to see Spiritual objects), yet by this ... intps 'drunks' - not real drunks, just someting wRong with there personality .. like is wrong with mine (as u will never notice people answering me, for i am at once to harsh an enemy and too good an allie)... can it not be so with ESFPs -visaVie 'something is wrong with his mum'. also on perceptive stream, perhaps an ESFJ-intruding on there domain loses us credibility...why not merely selfpolice... also, this is possible by mere Phase Analysis ...perhaps his ESFp functioning mum is at a phase were her natural functioning is Exploding Like a Supernova, at once involving her son in a pivotal struggle at his weak point -- @sirac
A12 A11: It was not me. -- Ezis (ESFp)
A13 It looks like your mother is rather ESFj than ESFp. But I have to say that some MBTI ESFPs are ESFjs in Socionics because of slightly different definitions of functions. I met this problem with our daughter. -- piccolo_michel
A14 She sounds like an ESFj. My mother is an ESFp, me and my dad are INTPs and my sister is an ESFj. Guess who is the perpetual trouble-maker in our house. -- An INTP female
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