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Question #1228313191Wednesday, 3-Dec-2008
Category: ESFj INFp Relationship
I am an INFP. He is an ESFJ. Is there a future for us? How compatible are we? -- Katie
Your Answers: 1+
A1 Relationships between INFp and ESFj are apparently quite common. If he's a healthy ESFj (read: does not constantly use guilt to manipulate people), I think it could be a good match. In my experience, however, the INFp will usually start to see things in the ESFj that appear very obvious but which cause the ESFj a great deal of trouble - hence, the relation of supervision. In terms of compatibility, I would personally prefer ENFj, but I appreciate why you would be interested in an ESFj. Only one way to find out for sure... -- INFp guy
A2 Well that would be supervision, which can work though it's not the socionic ideal. -- Anonymous
A3 Usually in Supervision relationships the Supervisor (in this case, ESFj) has power over the the Supervisee (You, INFp). The Supervisor, not always purposely, will treat the Supervisse as beneath them, sort of like the Supervises is an incapable child who needs the Supervisor. At the start of a Supervisor relationship the Supervisse might just view the Supervisor as being protective but overtime it seems like they're patronizing you, which usually ends with the Supervisse ending the relationship -- An INFj
A4 A3: you got them backwards -- Anonymous
A5 A3, the IEI is the Supervisor, and the ESE is the Supervisee. -- Kanerou
A6 Look, intertype relations shouldn't be used to decide whether there's a future for you with someone. Only use them when a problem comes up, and you need help understanding it. Just read about relations of duality. They break apart all the time, and not every ENTj is compatible or has a future with every ISFj, for example. I know plenty of duals who dated and broke up, and I know an ENTp and ENFp who have been friends as long as I've known them. Intertype relations should be used to understand what happens in your relationships, never as a way to decide whether you should keep dating someone. -- Woodrow
A7 Wow. I am an Infp woman, and I was dating an Esfj man for 3 1/2 years. It was a very rocky on and off again relationship. He was very patronizing, he never validated any of my feelings, he was always telling me what I should do, or how I should feel! Infps crave understanding more than anything, and Esfj's are too busy telling everyone everything should be done their way. I felt suffocated and unhappy, I used to cry all the time, and every time our relationship was off, I was the one who ended it. This really hurt his feelings since he said he was just trying to help me which is what Esfjs love to do. The only thing is he never gave me what I really needed. I don't even think he saw me for me. I was just some project or something. He always tried to change me to what he thought was best. I still hate him for that. -- Tanya
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A8 opps, thanks for the correction -- An INFj
A9 hmm. I'm an INFP and i see that in an ESFJ with me: he seems like he's being friendly and offering advice and his thoughts on things, but i sense that it is more patronising and him thinking i'm a bit of an idiot really, and beneath him. in a nice way, if you understand that. i also don't think he see's me for me - i feel like it's really about him. very frustrating. -- INFP
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