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Question #1227601839Tuesday, 25-Nov-2008
Category: ENFp Advice
Hello!!! I am an ENFP female, and I am 19 years old. Though I have recently started college, I still live at home with my family, who I don't exactly fit in with, for the most part. Yes, I know everybody's family is at least a little bit disfunctional, but in applying the principles of Socionics to mine, I have discovered a vital flaw, which greatly concerns me. My dad and little brother (13) are ISTJs (relations of conflict for me), while my mom is an ESFP (look-a-like relations for me). This all would be well and good, seeing how these are relations of supervision (between them), and I think I can stand something completely opposite or similar, but ergo my younger sister (17), an ENFJ (relation of Benefit to me, semi-dual or quasi-identical for the others). Her presence in the house has caused alot of problems, as well a relational divide. Obviously, my dad and brother think she's almost the greatest thing ever, and treat her with great comradery and respect. As for my mom, however, this has proved to be a difficulty; not only does she have a daughter she can't understand, she has a husband and son who treat her like house secretary (first), wife, and mom. For me (the oldest), my sister (the middle) and I cannot exist on the same stage. If we try, which we have for awhile, she usually ends up in the lead role, hoarding all the positive attention. What this sums up to is a grappling for attention, understanding, and a divide. First, I have tried to combat the "fight for stage" by dominating the negative spotlight, which seems to generate some attention my way. Needless to say, the best this has done is that it has gotten me into alot of trouble, and, when I saw the impossibility of the situation, avoidance, depression, and despair. Second, the divide; the family has been unconciously split into two groups: my dad, brother, and sister, and, me and my mom. I find that my mom can be my biggest advocate, but that the others can cause me too many problems if I extend myself in friendship, mostly because they all act like the family executives (as if I am lower class). So, because this is not a business, but a family, and I obviously cannot avoid my relatives, I am asking for your advice. Should I be making my own spotlight? And how can I help the others be more of a family? How can I extend myself, if at all? I am at a loss for what more I can do or what attitude to take. Hopefully you guys can provide some insight? I am all ears. -- Rose (ENFP)
Your Answers: 1+
A1 I don't know if it's an option, but the only thing I can think of is to move away from home. Being in close contact with clashing personality types for long periods of time causes tensions to rise. You're forced to deal with every little thing about them that aggravates you, because it's in your face all day. By moving out, much of that tension is released, and when you do interact, you can do it in a much more pleasant and civilized fashion. It certainly worked that way with me, anyway - your results may vary! -- Krig (INTj)
A2 just chill with me -- istp
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A3 Either move from home or try to explain your relatives what's happening from the point of socionics and ask them just to reduce mutual contacts to minimum. No other way. -- Anonymous
A4 Hi I am a university student, living at home, 22/f ENFp so I feel your pain. I only have one sibling though. I bought ear plugs to block their **** out. i worry if moving out would be more painful. i'm in so much student debt anyways it'd be impossible. good luck hun all you can do is put up with it, at the end of it all, they are your family and love you. -- Anonymous
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