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| Questions & Answers |
| Question #1226649085 | Friday, 14-Nov-2008 |
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| How do I win the heart of an ISTp guy? -- ENFp |
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| A19 The ISTP guy I've been writing over a year and haven't seen, but was supposed to go to see in November (we knew each other previously) said after he thought on "us"; he felt at this point in his life..."I'm not ready for a relationship with you" (oh, yeah, by the way, I live 600 miles away). He says - and anyone who is a "church" person will understand this - he has a check in his spirit about us so much so that he feels he needs to back off and not pursue this (on line) relationship. Nice guy, very honest, we have a lot in common, except I border on ESTJ (sometimes ESTP-the "E" is definitely impacted by my energy level on a given day. I thought we were going somewhere. I think I pushed unwantingly, but he and I were well pasted playing games. He has kids and a controlling ex-wife. Somehow I think he just can't deal with the thought of having to try to schedule me into his life, please his ex-wife so she doesn't withdraw the kids and rather than have to plan things for the "fit", he walked away with the phrase (and I truly believe he wasn't throwing false hope - not that kind of guy) "I'm not one to really speculate so I don't know what the future may hold for us". He told me how much he respected me and what compassion he had for me and how he hoped I found someone to help me recover from my last relationship of over a year ago. He meant it, but boy, how confusing. I feel I lost a best friend. First he says he been thinking for days on he and I and referred to that as "us" and says he is cautious about relationships. He's been divorced 8 or so years, has a 12 year old, a 16 year old. We are both very involved in our church and with our faith. Believe the same, think the same. Then after he says he's been thinking on "us", he starts in with he's busy raising his boys, getting over past hurts and again (I regress) says: "At this point in my life, I really don't think I'm ready to have a relationship with you" - then says that whole thing about the future. So, who the heck can tell me what he's telling me. The first thing I felt was like I was eight and one of my best friends told me they didn't want to be friends with me any longer. I couldn't understand if he decided not to pursue our friendship or if he liked me on a deeper level. Irregardless, I have never answered and won't. I'll give him what he requested(?!) and leave him alone. But, what was the whole future thing about? I'm so hurt and confused. Mostly, I'm going to miss him very much. I wasn't in love with him, but I wasn't in just "like" anymore either and he knew it. I can't figure out if it was me or the thought of his trying to fit me into his life with his kids and ex was just too demanding. I admire him, though, for choosing his kids; but, okay, sure I think he might just have been the writing the nicest "Dear John" letter ever also and I'm kidding myself he cared at all about getting serious someday with me - enough to have said he thought on it for a few days. So puzzling... -- Anonymous |
| A20 I'm an ISTP guy and I agree with a lot of this stuff. Definitely don't rush it, I tend to be a bit suspicious of their sincerity if they come on too quick. Give them space and I don't like people who are extremely bubbly or needy(so obviously don't be extremely bubbly/needy). -- istp |
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| A21 as an ISTp, A14 is most correct. ISTps are all different, but I can assure you, being nice is #1. I value very highly the people that are nice to me. Showing interest in one of our activities is cool too -- Anonymous |
| A22 This has been very eye opening for me an INFP. I have a crush on an ISTP and he is exasperating. We are never on the same page at the same time. He calls at the last minute to do something and it is bad timing for me or he calls at the last minute and cancels after I am ready to roll. Recently, I opened up and told him how I feel and asked if it was just me or if he had feelings for me, he said he doesn't know me well enough. I say how will you know me if we never spend time together! I gleaned from these posts to keep my heart open and my patience relaxed. Thanks. -- Living on the Edge of Comfort |
| *Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com* |
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