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Questions & Answers
Question #1226649085Friday, 14-Nov-2008
Category: ENFp ISTp Advice Love Dating
How do I win the heart of an ISTp guy? -- ENFp
Your Answers: 1+ 19+
A1 1) Be yourself. 2) Be patient. Your NF vision might tell you that he's the right guy for you, but his ST nature needs much more time to picture who you are. 3) Never expect him show much of emotion. Assume that he just can't. 4) Value his intellect and skills, don't be shy to ask for some friendly advice or little help in ST area. If you really worth something for him would be happy to show both his abilities and a good attitude towards you. -- Anonymous
A2 Never be yourself if you want something. -- Anonymous
A3 2A2 "Be yourself" means "do what is natural for you and what is your strongest side". That's what socionics basically stands for. And it IS the key to success in life. When we try to prove everyone in the world (or one particular person, no matter) that our weak functions worth a lot - very often it happens if we try to follow certain gender or social models that do not fit our type - it's the shortest way to the loss. -- Anonymous
A4 I read about the socionic type ISTp in an article and it said "Only sincere feelings expressed by the eyes and intonations can win him over." In other words when you talk to him or look at him, if you focus on things you like about him and 'generate' loving emotions, he will sense that and it will be easier for him to trust your affections. Appreciating and complimenting him for every little good thing he does goes a long way too. -- ENXp
A5 A1,3&4 thank you so much, I greatly appreciate it Especially A1, part 2 of your answer helped me A LOT...I've admired an ISTp guy for a few years now, but wasn't quite sure if I was just expending precious energy on someone who had no interest in me..hopefully now I can have to courage to speak to him without the fear of getting shot down..hopefully.. -- ENFp (questioner)
A6 "hopefully now I can have to courage to speak to him without the fear of getting shot down" ISTp's are used to "mirror" istninctively the attitude projected onto them. The degree obviously depends on their vison of how valuable existing/possible relationship with the peer is. And some inertia takes place as well. For ISTp the most natural and convenient way to serious relationship is starting from the friendship and gradually and naturally developing it into something bigger. Rather than playing the romantic pattern with passions and stuff. -- Anonymous
A7 Thanks for your answer, I definitely understand what your saying... um one last question, how does one per say open the lines of communication with him? This "mirror" relationship has been going on forever.. -- ENFp (questioner)
A8 Well, besides socionics there are a lot of personal factors. So while there are distinct guidelines how to deal with ISTp there is nothing granted. The "dark side" of ISTp's is that they may feel comfortable enough to have certain level of relationship without any intention to change something. So carefully checking out how much time and effort ISTp is actually ready to dedicate for friendly help is the proper test. Because if he really wants somebody to be in need of him, he will respond. -- Anonymous
A9 A7: You could try inviting him to an activity with your friends, or if you know his hobbies you could offer something in his favourite field, or simply saying Hi! How are you? There are many ways. If you are nervous, train your communication skills with someone else first, another ISTp for example. With ITps, it sometimes goes the way like you say something and they hardly answer, but then they send you an e-mail or start talking to you out of the blue two months later. Like A1 said, Be patient... -- Anonymous
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A10 talk to him about something he's really interested in, ask questions about it, debate with him, but don't get emotional over the debate. I am an ISTp guy and those things would turn me on. -- Anonymous
A11 Awesome, thank you so much for your answers! My main concern, however, is coming off too straight forward and turning off the istp.(Is a random, out of the blue, Hey! a little too much?) -- questioner
A12 i think A4 has got it down. also don't come off as manipulative. also going with A10. don't get mad if the istp disagrees with you. -- Anonymous
A13 I'm a male ISTp. A female friend at my school has been talking to me quite a bit the last 4 months during certain classes. She has got a very outgoing and positive attitude, and she can yell out, "hello! How are you doing?" while I just respond with a nod, smile, and quiet "hello, I'm fine thanks. You?" A couple of weeks ago, she came to me and started talking about how she had come to the conclusion that she had been annoying me a lot this Autumn; how I didn't seem interested when she greeted me and talked to me. I had no idea what to say, as I usually don't, and the conversation died out, after me asking her what she meant, which she didn't hear because of my quiet and unsecure voice. Of course, she's got it wrong. I very much enjoy talking with her, I just don't know how to respond to what she says, other than nodding, smiling, and saying, "aha," "yes," "no," and asking simple questions about the things she's talking about, often making me feel stupid. We have spoken since, though. She has been open about herself, talking about problems in the present and the past, while I haven't done that at all. The other person almost always leads the conversation. It doesn't mean I'm not interested. There's also this other girl, whom I have Chemistry (the class) with. She's the only one in the class that I know more than slightly and am comfortable working with. Despite that, I'm always afraid of asking her questions and talking with her, maybe because she sometimes seems to be in her own world and doesn't want to talk to anyone. Luckily, when we do experiments, she just turns to me and says, "okay, will you go get those and those things, and I'll get those and those things?" I appreciate the way she takes control and can talk to me and tell me her favourite jokes. I really like her, and try to be responsive, and would enjoy taking the friendship steps further. I just don't know how. So to win my heart, I seem to have a thing for girls who can take control, take the initiative and keep talking even when I don't respond as much as I think I should. I also appreciate touch, like them playing with my hair. I do like it when they pay me compliments, but that's extremely hard to respond to, as I feel "thanks, you're nice too" is way too shallow, so that usually leaves me hanging, giving me both comfort and discomfort, even if I really feel that they are nice. This is how I feel and think, anyway. -- ISTp
A14 Depends on the ISTp; they're all different. You can't go wrong with being nice to them though. -- ENFp
A15 An ISTP shows their communication through action, not words. They are very practical; great at auto maintenance and enjoys working with tools. The best thing to do is to be yourself and see if it works out. ISTP's are naturally spontaneous that live in the moment, with little or no future planning. They thrive on excitement and love action-oriented activities. -- Brother is an ISTP
A16 A15: By ISTP, do you mean Myers-Briggs ISTP? Because your description looks pretty much like what MBTI writes about ISTPs. Socionics ISTps are a bit different - they are practical and sometimes don't like to plan things, like you say, but excitement isn't a first place priority to them. A description that would suit them more would be "hard-working, nice, calm, systematic". -- Ezis (ESFp)
A17 A16: Since they are sensors, they can be very impulsive. ISTP's are also reserved and easy going because of their primary introversion. I didn't say excitement was their main priority, but they do live spontaneously. I was giving her tips on notions ISTP's enjoy. I research Myers-Briggs, Keirsey, and Socionics to grasp more information. Judgers tend to be more hard working. All personality types can be nice. They are calm because their dominant function, but perceivers are not systematic. They are verbally inept, most of the times. You're adjectives are erroneous. -- INFJ
A18 A16: hard-working is not a keyword for ISTp's. ISTp can work hard, for sure, but only when higly motivated. But in general ISTp approach is to do less and gain more. ISTp's can be systematic, just due to the overall logic approach, but it is quiet a short-distance systematic. And there is nothing bad in excitement. Having as a primary function we think that the any moment of life should be enjoyable. And we are looking for different enjoyable experiences. Though ISTp's would not express much their excitement and certainly are not thinking that the emotions are the key source of excitement. Snowboarding can be exciting. Playing in a rock band. Creating something. Discovering something. Having sex. Whatever. -- Cynic (ISTp)
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