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Question #1225016176Sunday, 26-Oct-2008
Category: Attraction INTj Love Marriage Dating
I am INTJ solid. Being that we INTJ's have a tendency to find relationships involving the romantic type to be difficult to engage into after finding the BS on people, I am quite choosy on the person I would allow emotion to come into play. I have seemed to fall pretty hard for someone of a similar intellect within a few weeks of knowing them. I am having feelings that I do not know what to do with, feelings that I would want to be with this person for the rest of my life and I do not want to screw things up due to my nature of trying to categorize things and understand them. I had finally decided on a final gameplan for my life, this unplanned encounter certainly involves a major shift and I am afraid. I do not know how to explain what I am feeling and feel helpless because I do not want to be ridiculous. I do not want to loose the man of my dreams either by seeming too eager. I want to talk to INTJs who may have had similar experiences. -- Destinybound
Your Answers: 1+
A1 I have a close INTj friend with whom I communicate about such things, so I hope this will be meaningful to you. Understand that you cannot lose the man of your dreams when you don't yet have him. What you have right now is a fixed idea of how you want your life to pan out. With this in mind, the key to happiness is understanding which parts are up to you to make happen, and which parts are out of your control. In this case, you are in complete control of the type of guy you find attractive, as well as how you decide to approach/communicate to him. On the other hand, he alone is in control of his response. If he doesn't respond as you had hoped, then he cannot be the man of your dreams (it's a two-way street). Understand also that emotions are what you make of them; they are not something to be feared and will certainly never make you ridiculous, because you alone control them (this applies equally well to how you let other people's opinions affect you). Continue to move towards what you really want and I think you'll find that it will naturally move towards you, whatever it ends up being. -- INFp guy
A2 I am not an INTJ, but I know some MBTI INTJs and gathering from what I know about them, I would simply advice you not to stress yourself, to allow yourself time to think this over, to get used to the emotion and to the person. Sometimes, time helps to clear things up. -- Anonymous
A3 I'm an INTJ and I'm a monster. I can tell you a few things about relationships though. They are pointless. Though i did like a person once and that person liked me. They made 2 mistakes, 1 too many so they were removed. That was 6 years ago now. I assumes like any good INTJ you have learnt to manipulate everyone around you? If so manipulate the person into liking you. Kinda defeats the purpose though. -- Anonymous
A4 I am an other INTJ's know, I tend to find something I enjoy/get usefulness and try and perfect it...relationships are by far my worst field. You should figure out what type he is and learn how to they think if you don't already. But what I have learned from my past relationships is that you should always strive to be yourself as best you can. You'll be happy being yourself and it will be natural for you. Plus you won't feel like your cheating yourself. With that in mind you should take in account that everyone needs space from time to time. INTJs most of all. Don't be to clingy, and put effort into taking things slowly. Think of the story "The Tortoise and the Hare" slow and steady wins the race. If you move to fast, you may accidently put out the fire before your stew has boiled. Yet if you move to slow, he may forget how much he enjoys the stew. -I hope this helps. -- Mike
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A5 I thought it was the INTp's who manipulated people's feelings. I know coz I'm that kind of INTp. -- Anonymous
A6 A3 What? Last I checked INTJ's aren't KNOWN for manipulation; I'm certainly not. I'm more 'take it or leave it' or 'try to convince you why something should be' through logical reasoning. Rare cases I may identity those annoying people who oppose an opinion, proposition, fact, etc. solely for the sake of opposition... then I might do a little reverse-psychology to avoid the unnecessary BS and waste of time, but that's about as far as I go. Oh, and those who try to manipulate me tend to get a good mind-f**king as well. Manipulation I find —overall— to be a distasteful cheap tactic that's rarely ever acceptable. But to address the Original Poster, I understand completely where you're coming from. I rarely find romantic interest, but when I do, the strong feelings that accompany it are unbearable. It's best to consciously remind yourself to be YOU. It's easier said than done when emotions you're not apt to experiencing corrupt your mind like the plague. I might not show it, but there is a War between Logic and Emotion going on inside when I'm interested in someone. No amount of advice will be helpful, it all comes down to learning how to control your emotions. Because decisions made on emotion are usually the most stupid. -- MBTI and Socionics INTJ
A7 LOL @A3. You wear all black, don't you? Once you learn to integrate yourself better, you will be able to see both yourself and the world with more clarity and you will not have to rely on inaccurate, overgeneralized stereotypes to try unsuccessfully to make sense of it all. To the OP, stick to your principles, since your virtue, the core of who you are, is the most important thing in this life. If you value honor, always act honorably. If you value truth, never compromise for "mostly right". If you value sincerity, always be genuine and straight-forward. If being virtuous and true destroys your chance with someone it is for the better. You should never have to compromise your good and your virtue for something that will drag you down, and any time you are tempted to do so you need to realize that you are not in a right mindset. If you cultivate yourself this way you will be attractive to someone who is worthwhile. What is more, they will be attracted to your qualities and not some superficial affectation so you will not have to worry about how to "get" or "keep" them. In short, the attraction will be true and genuine and much more valuable than anything you can make on your own. -- INTJ
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