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Question #1224501903Monday, 20-Oct-2008
Category: ISTp INTp Advice Dating
I'm an INTP female and am interested in an ISTP male. But I'd like some advice from ISTP's out there. We met at a party for mutual friends. We are both in our late 20's. Got along great. We are very similar. We both like motorcycles, risk taking pursuits, crossword puzzles and trivia. It's like the best of both worlds. I made the first move that night and kissed him and gave him my number too. He didn't call. I was confused because I felt like we really connected and I also felt that if I saw him again he would be interested in me the same way he was. Needless to say, this was a wtf moment in my head. 2 weeks later I ran into him. We resumed talking and flirting (like I thought we would). I joked with him about not calling and asked him if he was just "like that" he replied,"I guess". I told him that was all right and I should then get HIS number I told him that I thought we connected (he agreed)and I liked him and wanted to see him again. I told him I'd call a few days later to see about hanging out and he said that was fine. I called and he didn't answer. I wasn't surprised, but I was disappointed. Sooooo...I'm confused. Is this ISTP interested? Or not? When I'm in his presence he's very sweet and affectionate with me...openly so. But he seems to take the "out of sight, out of mind" thing very literally. BTW, everyone has said that he's a really great guy. Even an ex. So, I don't get it. Any advice, insight would be SO appreciated! -- Anonymous
Your Answers: 1+
A1 hmm, stereotypically guys do the chasing because you girls have what we want. pretty much any indication of interest towards you would be him trying to hang out with you. -- istp
A2 i am more attracted to outgoing girls and less attracted to quiet girls. he could like you, but he may not be that aware of it. i'd say try maintain a friendly relationship and only time will tell -- istp
A3 Try calling him a bit more, he may not have been there. I know I'm not much of a phone person so I don't like calling people and if I do call someone, I do it for a reason and I like finishing it quickly. I definitely prefer more outgoing girls because I prefer listening rather than talking, so I pretty much suck at starting conversations with people I don't know that well. Also, don't rush things. Take your time to let him sort through things himself. -- istp
A4 He might be scared. Could have been hurt in a previous relationship. If you both kissed he definately likes you. I wouldnt let any girl kiss me unless i liked her. ISTP can be very weird about their feeling. Main thing is to be nice to him at all times. Do not get negative with him, or tell him something is wrong with him. Im more into quiet girls myself ISTP -- Anonymous
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A5 I'm an ISTP, here are a few things I have noticed about myself over the years: 1) Although being around a woman can help make me feel serene and peaceful, it is very exhausting in the long run. Women are constantly investigating and trying to push a relationship to a deeper level. This is basically my worst nightmare and a constant daily burden. Anyone who fits the ISTP description has major skeletons in their closet from the past and continues to rack them up in the present and we don't feel like talking about them. 2) A woman immediately wants to fix up an ISTP type. And why wouldn't they, from a social perspective we are probably lacking in some major dept: Messy, broke, gluttonous, lazy, and not headed down the path of righteousness that everyone should be headed down (get married, raise a family, etc). To women, an ISTP is the ultimate fixer upper. 3) Given the negatives there are a few traits seem to make some women intensely attracted to the ISTP. We are mentally and physically self-confident, intense, challenging, funny, and socially non-judgmental. Even though I am 36, and live paycheck to paycheck in a tiny studio apartment in a bad neighborhood, I still have a line of women ready to take me on as a fixer upper. As a result, I now limit kissing or f@#king to women I cannot possibly have long term contact with. Example: has a boyfriend, lives far away and has to spend her own money to fly and see me, or some other precarious situation. Right now a girl from the middle east is here visiting. She will only be here five days which is the length of the good part of a relationship to an ISTP before the nagging and trying to change me kicks into high gear. Many say: "You must have been really hurt in the past to act like this". This is not true, I am simply aware that dating a woman will put me in another awkward situation where I am frustrating a woman's emotional needs and she is chasing ghosts (some type of deep emotional connection that I can never provide). The best thing you can do to be with an ISTP is simply make sense on a day to day basis. Take care of their needs and not be annoying or nagging. ISTP's are greedy in the present moment. As long as you aren't making the present crappy to an ISTP, you are worth keeping around. If you can live with that, you will succeed. If not move on to a more conservative choice. -- Andrew
A6 As an ISTp myself, I can say that the guy likes you. But at the moment, he's thinking things through-everything he could think of regarding the success or failure of this potential relationship. It would be easy for him to answer you back if he was ready, he may even be the one pursuing you. But your approach kinda took him by surprise. -- Qaellech
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