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Question #1216509641Saturday, 19-Jul-2008
Category: Socionics Relationship Intertype Relations Theory
how important and useful is socionics and knowing intertype relations? ok, let's preface this w/ that i do find these personality types interesting and somewhat useful, but it seems there's a general trend here where people are saying, "i'm type XXXX, and she's type YYYY, are we going to work out as a couple?" the thing is, w/ relationships (ie dealing w/ people in general), isn't it rather important to remain somewhat open-minded and see how someone actually behaves towards you before jumping to conclusions? ok, so an intertype relation chart might tell you you're likely to have certain types of troubles, but the point is people can overcome conflicts regardless of personality types, at least theoretically. but saying, "she's a YYYY, and therefore her intentions are probably malicious," might discount the fact that maybe that person may be trying to change her because she loves you? it leaves little space for dynamism in relationships and for personal growth... no? i guess in brief: kind of ignores me as an individual. i'm not against the discussion of intertype relations.. i'm just wondering whether it's currently being interpreted in a constructive manner and whether we holding onto those charts too steadfastly .... -- v-the inteepee
Your Answers: 1+
A1 All types can get along with one another and overcome conflicts but that doesn't equate to being completely comfortable with all types. The purpose of duality, for instance, is a relationship where two types like each other just as they are; there's no internal conflict, meaning you're than allow to grow and understand yourself, and each other, since neither needs to pretend to be something that they're not. That doesn't mean that duals are automatically going to favor one another as there are more individuals traits that could make, or break, a relationship such as differences in tastes/activities/religion/culture, etc. But when duals do share a mutual appreciation in each others general personalities they *click*. I do think you're right when you state people may want to change someone out of love but that doesn't equate to comfort and mutual appreciation. No one should have to change their personality to appease another and when they attempt to it can only lead to resentment. In such relationships you're really not growing, if anything, you're putting a halt to the process of understanding and coming to peace with who you are -- An INFJ
A2 well, no, we shouldn't change our fundamental personalities for love. but we do change. for example, i'm a really crappy listener, but i try harder now because i want my partner to know i'm there. i'm also a really lousy organiser and messy, typically head in the clouds, but i've learnt to just get down to cleaning because my partner is sick and i just feel bad because most of the mess is mine and he has to live in it too. i've also become slightly more expressive because i know it sucks to see someone you love *look* so miserable all the time. i try to talk about my feelings. i sometimes force myself to go out more because he likes to go out more and hey, guess what, i can enjoy that... so you could say i've become a less typical INTP, or just developed my weakneses, but these are significant changes to my personality, even though fundamentally i'm still the same. i understand your point about comfort and mutual appreciation. but the things is when people enter relationships, they do it through a mutual attraction *without* knowing what personality type (PT) they are. they're just automatically attracted to each other and a relationship starts. and if there's a problem, you work it out. and if according to some intertype relations, it's a conflicting relationship, then chances are you'll split up and move along, whether you know your PT or not. people have and still manage to have healthy personal relationships without knowing any socionics. it's almost human nature to develop such relationships.... we've been doing it since forever and if we went out and did a survey in the general population, people who know nothing about socionics may be just as satisfied with their personal relationships as people who know alot about socionics. the implication is: in the case of personal relationship, does it actually help to solve any problems to know socionics? wouldn't 2 people who are in a (eg)dual intertype relation just sit down and talk things out, even if they don't know ANYTHING about socionics? and if it's a conflicting one, hey, maybe they just don't want to talk and just end the relationship. sure it's a little painful, but then we move on and it's natural. most of us go through several relationships before we settle. how absurd would it be if one said to another, "i know you're an XXXX and we're in a conflicting intertype relation and we're having problems. so because we know it's a conflicting intertype relation, we should end this relationship." rather than, "hey, this relationship can't continue. you're never there for me when i need you, we have few common interests and i know you're cheating on me." ?? so is socionics more descriptive than prescriptive in personal relationships? -- v
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A3 Of course, most people enter relationships without knowing a persons type, that includes people who do know of Socionics. The point of Socionics is not to dictate to us what's good/bad for us, rather it just makes an observation on what we naturally feel but couldn't understand why. Socionics helps us to understand our more subconscious feelings and, thus, better enables us to both fulfill our desires and understand our motives, and those of others. A, for instance, conflicting intertype relationship doesn't mean the relationship will end; my parents are conflictors (ENFP and ISTJ) yet, they have been together for over 25 years. That doesn't mean they're happy, since they're not, and observing them it's easy to see it's because they value opposing qualities. They both want the other to change and when one does, it doesn't last, since people can not change who they are. Duality does not ensure happiness, though when it does happen and coincides with a mutual attraction, it has the highest probability of being successful, in the longterm. A lot of the personal qualities you described as being negative may not even be seen as such by your dual, though I can't confirm this since I'm not an ESFP. I have noticed, however, that a lot of the qualities about myself, that I used to think were negative, were desired by my dual, such as being quiet, sensitive and lacking a strong physical expressiveness. And than their are flaws of both my type, and my duals, that are still viewed as flaws by the other yet are naturally smoothed out by the others presence. The difference, here, is that you're helping the other fix actual flaws in their character rather than the healthy traits that many other types would view as flaws -- An INFJ
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