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| Question #1212241135 | Saturday, 31-May-2008 |
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| INFp's and INFj's - how do they get along? I want to hear what y'all have to say. And please ppl, try to be objective. In socionics, the r'ship is classified as 'Quasi-Identical' and a 'relationship of misunderstanding'. Theoretically, they're not supposed to get along. But this is counter to my experience. I'm an INFp and one of my best friends is an INFj. While we disagree on trivial things (like what constitutes good art), we both value each other's insights. In fact I'm glad that there's a bit of friction b/c i think it pushes both parties to grow as individuals. Actually, i've noticed that a disproportionate majority of my close friends are INFj's. This may be b/c I'm not a prototypical INFp. Also, do y'all think that an INFj-INFp romantic style relationship could ever work? -- the Shez |
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| A13 I have a tendency to fall intensely in love with INFp men. I agree with A4, INFp girls I could live without (funnily enough, my mum is probably one). Anyways, this guy I've found recently, I've been unrequitedly attached to him from day 1, I've been catering to his idealism for months now, ignoring myself completely, messing up my life. I actually had a bit of a laughing fit when I read the INFp description on this site, as it so brilliantly demonstrates my secret fears; that the INFp idealism is only an intelectual curiosity of his, masking a deeper, selfish, lazy-like nature. Tbh, he's never even denied that. He seems to talk his way out of everything, with me. There is always ultimately a situation of: well, he's giving me nothing to hold onto, so it's all up to me whether I quit him or not, he's not promising me anything, he's implying nothing, and there are plenty of reasons why we can't work anyways, and he could use any of them at any moment to write me off if I become inconveniant to him. (and he'd still seem reasonable and ethical and all) My only hope is that being with me can offer him more than other life choices. Which is ... well, unlikely (?) I know I can empathize with, and hence cater to, his idealism, but will it always be more effort for me than benefit to him? I can always convince myself that he's either shy, or slow to realize my feelings, but... meh. (do you think?) also, I noticed, Socionics conceives of these two types (INFp and INFj) very differently from MBTI. MBTI makes INFps (ie, INFJs) seem like the more superior type, describing them as subtle, wise, responsible, good managers, excellent people skills, all sorts of stuff. Makes me want to hit them on the back of the head, occasionally, because INFP (aka. INFj) is where it's at when it comes to actually improving anything, and we ought to be given a lot more credit, and a lot more support, because we kind-of need it. My INFp is insecure as hell, although his actual self is secure; which is funny. He's simultaneously confident about his person and seems to be rather jumpy when it comes to outright stating an oppinion, and I want to on one hand help him out with his confusion, and on the other bask in his confidence, but the latter doesn't happen. And it all makes me so tired and achey. Back to topic, I usually find my relations with INFps to have a bit of a masochistic feel about them; meeting them is like finding sacred meaning to the world, and the purpose of my existence (which is to make them happy and make them think highly of me) and simultaneously it is often the most painful experience of my life. I find it works best when I work my ass off trying to please them, and then act like it's nothing. I've dated a potential INFp once, years ago, and it cut me up really really really bad. I always used to laugh at women with negative relationship patterns (ie. "always dating the same jerk over and over again"), but here you go. anyways, enough of that. hope I helped. peace out. -- INFj-is-me |
| A14 I agree with you A13, they have such a charisma that we look over every character flaw just to be with them. -- Anonymous |
| A15 I like INFp's and usually can connect with them easily. The only ones I can't get along with are the "mystical" ones that act like they're shamans, psychics and other new-age weirdos, they're usually Ni subtype. -- An INFj |
| A16 WOW, A8, that was an awesome post. I think you really crystallized a lot of the key problems within the INFp-INFj dynamic. Based on what you've said, it seems like INFj's and INFp's would get along so much better if both took their own views less seriously, were less self-righteous, and were more open to differences of opinion (probably easier for the INFp than the more rigid INFj. than again, dom Ni can endow some INFp's with strongly dogmatic ideology). As for my original relationship dilemma, I don't think I want to be in a romantic relationship with either an INFp or an INFj...I find i'm more attracted to ST types anyhow. -- Shez |
| A17 I think A8 describes it freakishly well. I'm an INFP and my love was an INFJ, we were together for three years and lived together for two. When we first met I felt like I had found my twin, but as we got to know one another the J-P difference began to be quite apparent. I always appreciated his stable if somewhat rigid ways, even as I rolled my eyes. We did have some issues though... mostly that I wished he would be a little bit more rough and passionate with the lovin', and he... god knows - he was so passive aggressive I could only sense that he wanted something, and I was too annoyed to try and read his mind (we kinda could, you know) I thought he was too smothering, he thought I was too insensitive (perhaps rightly so)... Why couldn't he just COMMUNICATE? (Arg!) and then he just snapped and left me one day. We were moving different directions in life so it had to happen - I just wish it hadn't happened like THAT, you know? I know I will love him unconditionally and always. Socionomics mentions a lot how the infp-infj dynamic doesn't work, but it fails to mention the amazing gift and growth that comes from meeting a soulmate. Go for it. -- Anonymous |
| A18 I'm an INFj and have been with my INFp boyfriend for almost 5 years now. We get along famously. FAMOUSLY. Not to sound arrogant, but ours is the relationship our peers aspire to; we're that sickeningly sweet couple that never fights. He's the only person I know who shares my disdain for the human race whilst maintaining an almost painful level of compassion for it. I can definitely relate to disagreeing on trivial things, but, for the most part, we are totally in-sync, linked together with a kind of psychic symbiosis and are extremely sensitive to each others' unspoken feelings. We understand each other (which is huge when you're an INFx) and even after 5 years we still haven't run out of things to talk about. He's the best friend I've ever had or will ever have, and it's us against the world. -- Anonymous |
| A19 A18 i think your boyfriend is INFj. you may be different subtypes. "He's the only person I know who shares my disdain for the human race whilst maintaining an almost painful level of compassion for it." that screams INFj :/ an INFp actually enjoys kind of "crude" behavior and humor, they aren't "trying to save humanity" and what you describe sounds like an identical or mirror relationship. an INFp would find that annoying. with a large psychological distance i find INFj's okay, but upon closer interaction, can't stand them. we enjoy different groups of people. being beta, i like loud, rowdy crowds, where everyone is involved. INFj, being delta, the opposing quadra of beta, like serious and small groups, with a bit of "humor" here and there (i don't like their humor, it's lame - "if you shoot a mime would you use a silencer?" or "if you're doing a race in Finland, is the finish line Finnish?") -- Anonymous |
A20 Whoa where's the positivity? I would say that infp + infj = awesome. Not just from my experience (a long-standing romantic experience). But also from other infp/infj frienships. It is true that we communicate and think somewhat differently, but if you think about it, we are much closer in functions than with most other types. Anyway, we complement each other, which means that we improve and help each other grow. So true from my experience. And I have friends of other types whom I love, but as an introvert, I do have to take breaks from them. So that's no diff in this relationship. Except that we bring such a rich dimension to each other's lives and help each other grow.  And for both infj's and infp's, who are usually very interested in self-improvement and growth, doesn't that sound like a wonderful match? Especially as you learn so much about yourself, your partner, and the world around you, as you overcome the challenges of your relationship. Yes, there are some bumps and misunderstandings, but that's how we learn the most and try to do better next time. It's just a fun pairing!  -- K |
| A21 My mother is INFj, I am INFp. I always think that we were not made for a mother - daugther relationship. I can definetly imagine an alternative universe where we meet up every once in a while and talk about.. feelings, relationships, people. We'd get along great. But living together? Complete disaster. -- Anonymous |
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