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Question #1208381542Wednesday, 16-Apr-2008
Category: INTp Love Advice IXTx women
Is there any love advice for an extremely shy INTp women. I think I come across as stand offish to men.I am scared to death of rejection I can't stand the flirting thing. I usually only attract married men. I think maybe because I am comfortable around them and not looking for a relationship with them I can be more of myself, unfortunatly they end up trying to make a move. I won't go there again!!! I would really like a "single" ESTP,ESTJ,ENFJ or ENTP or maybe even an ISTP to show some interest. Is there any advice from any of these types of men on there feelings of INTP women or what would be attractive to them. Married people are always shocked that I do not have a boyfriend.I have been married a few times always to men who are looking for a savior. I know I must send out the vibes because I am very independent on the surface. But I am a smart scatter brain who would like a complement not someone to take care of. -- Firstlite
Your Answers: 1+
A1 Seems like maybe a ENFJ would be a good match. When you get to know someone a bit bett maybe try and show a bit of vulnerablility to show that you don’t “have it all together” like people think you do. ENJs are pretty chivalrous and perceptive. I think they could see past the facade of your independence. They are also responsible for the most part. -- Anonymous
A2 Thanks! They have always been my favorite Type they are just hard to find! I'm single and 43 so that makes it even more of a challenge. -- firstlite
A3 I cannot but speak for ESFps, your duals in socionics: try finding an ESFp man - at least the ones I know really dont need a saviour, they like to start the relationship and are able to bring INTps out of their shell, so you can be as much shy as you wish, they will take care -- ESFp
A4 cool, an INTP woman. i am an INTP man. i have seen that those in formal places of relation (like marriage, otherwise i don't experience it in this context cause i am a guy) always like INTPs. it's like going to a wedding of a friend... all the adults and family like me...i seem popular, but the pop surprise is that to those other young adults around me i am a political entity to be meet with care (or i'll steel your girlfriend., or if u are the girl...and not an ESFP..nice guy..but i will stay away...i can sense issues). so yes, people in socital formal positions...married people for instance...love us...it is not without reason that in Meyers Briggs INTPs are called ambassidors or diplomats (in MTBI it is 'critic'...but i see both as one and the same....the 'diplomate' name goes when viewed in a very societal emotional context...but my heart as a working person goes with Critic, and more so in this world, where i sense i have to destroy fixed structures just to get a piece of the action/ass). but good first light...as a male, i really am the furtherest creature away from u, in the male domain it would really be an all-out Sensor who is closest to u, somebody who can never experience u as a dreaded Saviour. Good day...i don't know what this gives u, but i would like it to give something of value to u above the mere socio topographical statements here...atleast that N_T_?P characture would make sense to u...as u would know u need Informational Insights with which u can work to gain Profit...i.e. your piece of the action -- @sirac
A5 Being an ENTP female I'm not certain that this would apply to my male counterparts, but I do know that I and several other ENTPs I've met admit to being strongly attracted to INTPs because they find them interesting (and that, to ENTps, is a very attractive trait =D). -- Anonymous
A6 This thread is a little old, but.... I am an INTP woman, and I am going on 6 years with my ISTJ boyfriend. We have a very happy and stable relationship. I don't always understand the way he thinks, but I am endlessly fascinated by trying to interpret him. What I like about our relationship is that we are both comfortable being ourselves. We can both be together while still living in our own little internal worlds. While I think most people would find me cold, tactless, and abrasively sarcastic, he doesn't seem to notice or he thinks it's funny. At the same, I am not bothered by the way he often seems inconsiderate and emotionally distant. I appreciate that he does not make unreasonable emotional demands of me and that he does not (intentionally) try to control me. We are both quite happy cohabitating without plans of getting married. But he says if I ever decide that I want to, just to let him know - which I guess is nice. We are not sentimental or romantic people, but we are honest and loyal, and I think that's much better. -- moops
A7 I'm an ENTp guy, and my advice is to probably avoid us. I find that my relationships with INTp's although can be close are usually somewhat suffocating when they are. My mom is actually an INTp and in typical INTp fashion always seems to suck out any excitement to any ideas or plans I might have. Where I always want something new and somewhat adventurous my mom seems to always know just the right thing to say that will take the joy out of anything. Yeah, I know I'm not married to or dating my mom, but I couldn't imagine having a relationship with someone like her. I'm sure in the beginning I could probably really like an INTp girl, but in the end would hate it. -- Anonymous
A8 I wear the same shoes as you do, INTp female. Here is what I've learned: -Stay pretty and in shape, smile even when it feels crazy (it works), accept that guys, even xT's think differently than girls, they like soft, sweet, nice, and smiles. Women intimidate men. If you must be sassy (after all how can we not) then do it with a big fat smile so they see you as witty and not just a smartass. Somehow it ,makes them feel good. Consider how you make others feel by your words and manners. FEW others are as confident as we are, and feel intimidated easily. Smiling somehow eases the feeling in others. Just try it. Once the ice is broken who would not love us? Ask for help, even though we both know you don't need it. Just try it. I know what you are thinking, it's a game, that's stupid.... Realize that you behave differently around guys you are interested in, don't deny it. The married men come on because you are yourself. You can attract. The asking for help, smiling, etc. allows you to get over yourself, stop acting funny around Mr. beautiful blue eyes. I would not even consider an anything F. My bestfriend is an F and she wears me out. I can't imagine having a boyfriend like that. Eventually you will not be able to relate because he will get his feelings hurt over something you would be clueless about and you will have to walk on eggshells. Now how much fun is that. A xT would bring peace of mind with reasons behind what and why and even the feeling he has and would be less likely to play head games which we despise. -- Anonymous
A9 A8: I dont know, somehow it seems to me A8 is recommending not to be yourself, like asking for help when you dont need it... if my INTp friend did that and I realized afterwards that s/he didnt need the help, I would stop trusting him. And why you should smile at every possible occassion if you dont feel like it... I know several men who like INTps who behave like INTps, and they like talking to smartasses because it is a challenge that motivates them to use their brains. -- Ezis (ESFp)
A10 Wow so much difficulty. Everyone's problem is the same. You aren't being yourself. You're giving off the wrong vibes. If you want to attract your duality and have a happy relationship you NEED TO START ACTING LIKE YOUR TYPE. If you act cold, scatter brained, disillusioned, INTp-esque you WILL attract an ESFp, while deflecting the other types. If you act in an organized manner in public, then maybe you aren't the type you think you are. Retest, a lot. You might be the wrong type. VI yourself. Have someone else VI/Typecast you. I was also shocked to find out that some INTps are fat. Seriously, Michael Moore sized, who is an INTp. While it isn't nice to make fun of people, I'm a physically attractive, well educated, early 20s ENTp male and I can say anything I want without the slightest bit of remorse and in fact will sleep well tonight knowing I helped someone. Sounds to me like you are: 1) Unstable in relationships, 2) Don't know what you want, 3)Act like something you aren't, 4)Unhappy person 5)Unstable in general, 6)Probably unattractive. Yeah thats a real sell. All of these people telling you everything is okay will only make you miserable when you fail again. If you're an INTp, you're religious. Have your church/mosque/synagogue/monastery/temple/Vishnu/Buddha set you up. If they can't, find a different X above that will. You might find an INTp male in the same position. Dating sites might not know it but they probably already use socionics. Qualities such as "organized" reflect j, "outgoing" reflect E etc. I hope I'm wrong and that this question is old enough that you already found someone following other people's advice. For the rest of you INTps in this situation, you can risk it or you can get real, which is impossible for INTps so... Oh yeah ISTj are you Benefactor type. Don't listen to what anyone says, Benefit relationships are awesome! Find some old military guy, after he's honorably discharged or retired or w/e. -- ENTp
A11 @A10 oh dear -- Th
A12 I am an INTP woman, I find great difficulty relating to guys as I often use humour to break the ice. It's quite dry humour and as you'd expect they often come out quite stunned and avoid me afterwards. I have so many cringe moments like this it's unreal they often start very well but hard to maintain as I don't like initiating contact and want them to approach first but they may take it as me going "don't talk to me, don't talk to me" I had an ESFJ boyfriend before and we got on great but he kept planning for the future and was very smothering and wanted me to show affection all the time... I know the charts recommend types but I'd like to know FROM experience which one suits best please. Thanks. -- Anonymous
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A13 You actually seem much like an ISTP rather than an INTP. Try seeking out ENFPs. They're usually involved in writing, communications and journalism ... -- Anonymous
A14 Haha I'm an intp girl and I think you might be an infp. I have never ever felt like I needed help in the dating world. Maybe you should try to make sure you know your type first. -- Anonymous
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