| Socionics Personals |  | Female
Straight
16-25
Oceania
Libra
ENFj |
|  | Male
Straight
16-25
Middle East
Sagittarius
INTj |
|  | Male
Straight
26-35
North America
Pisces
INXj |
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| Questions & Answers |
| Question #1208196404 | Monday, 14-Apr-2008 |
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| Is a relationship between a male ISFJ and a female INFP doomed to fail? I'm the INFP and my boyfriend drives me nuts with his traditionalistic rhetoric and all his talk about marriage is making me feel really suffocated. He's a wonderful man and treats me like a goddess; he worships the ground I walk on and will do anything for me. He's older and I can understand his desire for getting married, but I'm so sick of him pressuring me about it all the time. I don't want to lose our relationship because it is good in so many ways, but sometimes he gets on my nerves with his lack of ability to grasp the abstract in life. We have few similar interests and opinions and he is never interested in new information. Does anyone know of an INFP/ISFJ relationship that worked well? What are the prospects for us getting along in the future? I feel like he's the kind of person I would have nothing to say to when we're old. Am I just looking for flaws and being too idealistic that someone better is going to come along, or is this really a joke? -- Mary |
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| A13 I'm an INFP with an ISFJ best friend/crush. It can be quite difficult since he doesn't view me that way and rather stay bffs than bf/gf. I deal because I respect him. I've had an ISFJ bf before, but things got bad there with disregarding my ideals. All in all, great times mixed in with passionate frustration. I believe as an INFP, you can get really close to an ISFJ (even if you can't always follow each other's thought-process). You won't even realize you're under his skin until you try to back away (I think INFPs always toy with this idea because we're afraid of our own commitment). It's a challenge at times, but you realize your own uniqueness can blossom here (with them). I see that ISFJs have the patience to indulge an INFP- in this world where we feel so undermined. They'll love you responsibly and carefully while you'll love them "dangerously" (always wondering how far and deep you can go). It's a love-hate relationship, but you'll feel strong when you hold out your hand, knowing they have the passion/sense enough to not let it go. -- Anonymous |
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| A14 My father is ESFJ, and my mother is ENFP. This is roughly equivalent to your situation. They stayed together for 25 years (the whole time I grew up). I see a lot of similarities to your post. He always treated her very well, made sure her needs were met, and let her "take the lead" most of the time. However, they did have some major philosophical differences that eventually caused them to drift apart. He values tradition/security, and she values adventure/innovation. This eventually got on her nerves, as did his endless compliments, dislike for deep conversations, etc. So yeah, they're separated now, and both seem much more liberated, especially her. -- Anonymous |
A15 Forgot to add. This guy is not isfj who i dated but he wanted marridhe and kids and would noy be quiet about it. You just need to tell him. Look him seriously in eye and tell him you are not ready and that if he loves you he will respect your wishes. This may **** him off but it is truth. He will wait and be quiet about it until you are ready. Now for the guy. He wanted marridge and kids and wouldnt be quiet about it even after i said no. I was 19 for gods sake. After that i felt like i was leading him on and cried on the train ride home at the decision to break up with him because i did not want to make him feel bad. I decided to do it anyway cuz i knew it was for the best. I was right. 2 years later he is married and having a baby  so the break up was good for both of us. Anyway do what makes you happy. It can be a case of maturity. You are too immature and expecting too much or he is too stubborn in his ways and is trying to change you without meaning too. Be nice and respectful (i am infp btw xD) -- Anonymous |
| A16 For the people who complain about compliments. Would you rather have someone insult you or compliments? I would prefer the latter honestly because of pointless criticism from others i have experienced over the years and betrayals from others. It is a trend nowadays that if you insult others you are cool. Be grateful if someone is complimenting you. (I am infp) Now for the other parts my best friend is esfj. Just extroverted isfj so i dont know how much help i can be. He is awesome! He does pay attention to everything i say. When i go off on my intuitive rants though i do notice he zones out. It does irratate me at times but atleast he listens to most of what i got to say. I am always craving new ideas but i will not force anyone into something they hate. He is always up for new ideas (after i tease him a little and do the new idea first to show that it is not dangerous or bad). I suppose this can be similar to isfj but it would take more patience, respect, talk and gentle pushing to get them to do new things. -- Anonymous |
| A17 I realise this thread is old, but here I am reading it. I want to add to the internet data on INFP and ISFJ relationships. I am an INFP and my ex-boyfriend is an ISFJ. We had a fantastic relationship, fairytale-like. We could talk about anything and had no big arguments. He helped me with routine daily things like eating and exercise (I am weirdly appreciative of something so simple) and I think I helped him by supporting his hobbies and lifting him out of his dark moods (my positivity). We basically only saw each other over weekends and we were fine with it (it genuinely was not a problem). The biggest problem I had was about the way he treated people who he was not close to (people in service and my friends). I thought it meant that deep inside he was actually not as kind as he was towards me and family. Apparently this is a typical ISFJ trait and they really are just that loyal. We were very devoted and our relationship developed slowly but deeply. We broke up after 5 years because I suddenly became very scared of his "small world". He wanted to move back to our home town and work for his dad's company and it scared me to think that I would be stuck in one place with someone who did not like taking risks. The usual idealistic silliness. We could not agree on it and I realise now that is was because of his innate sense of tradition and my aversion to routine. So we basically broke up because of my irrational idealism. He never chased me to get me back though. It bothered me then, but I think IF's are extremists. We don't play with people's feelings and once our trust is broken or we are told we are no longer wanted, we retreat. Two years on, we are still friends and will have deep conversations about once a month. Neither of us has moved on. I now wonder if I was just being overly idealistic.I think I was trying to change him to fit my ideals. -- Anonymous |
| A18 ISFj is pressing so much because he's pressing himself. He has internal pressure, and he has also desire to marry. So whatever he can control his pressure is important. His pressure might fly out of control sooner or later. Speak to him, relieve the pressure by starting to live with him under one roof, and sharing finances etc. Marry him without marrying. me - ENTp -- :-) |
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