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Question #1203764234Saturday, 23-Feb-2008
Category: ISFp ENTp ESTj Relationship
I'm a little confused about dualty. I'm an ISFp and while ENTps seem like pretty cool people, the romantic attraction is just never there and I consitently seem to be attracted to ESxjs. Dualty makes so much sense to my head but it doesn't make any sense to my heart. Is anyone else in this boat? Also, would an ISFp/ESTj relationship be a complete disaster? -- Natalia
Your Answers: 1+ 29+
A1 Close. An ISFp/ENTj relationship would be a complete disaster. Are you sure you're typing people correctly? -- Anonymous
A2 Yes, I'm sure I'm typing people right. -- Natalia
A3 ENTps and ISFps do not mix. End of story. -- Anonymous
A4 There are MANY different opinions on relationship compatibility between types. MBTI often suggests opposite E/I, same S/S or N/N, same T/T or F/F, opposite J/P. So an ISFP would best be paired with ESFJ. I personally believe that attraction comes first, no matter what the type. Then you get to know each other and see what develops. It may or may not work out, but you learn something from the person either way. Love is not a rational emotion, so to fit it into a theory is absurd. -- INTP smitten on an ISFP
A5 Know the difference between persona and nature. People don't usually present themselves as their true personality type because of all the different pressures to be x, y or z as they were growing up. Initial attraction is, in most events, not likely to be an accurate assessment of an individual. Duality occurs when both types have let their guards down and they act "naturally" with one another. -- ENTp forever
A6 A5 I'm going to have to disagree. I, personally, act like me and don't give a rip about what people want me to act like. And attraction is key in the beginning stages of a romantic relationship. It's a well studied topic. Read "The Red Queen" by Matt Ridley. -- Anonymous
A7 a6, i am guessing maybe you are a SP? becuase they are less likly to change themselves to interact with anotehr person. -- Anonymous
A8 WTF, A7, its not just SPs that are like that. -- Anonymous
A9 A7, I'm INTP. -- Anonymous
A10 ESTJ is Supervisor to ISFP, meaning the ESTJ has the upper-hand in the relationship and will generally treat/view the ISFP as beneath them/incompetent. In the end the ISFP will generally end-up feeling under-appreciated and the ESTJ would feel incomplete due to having a partner they can't fully admire. -- Anonymous
A11 I think you need to be careful when analyzing romantic relationships because really, it works out if you want it to work out. I know an ISFJ and xNFJ couple that are perfect together, although you can plainly see their differences. With that said, I think there are relationships that seem to have a good balance, especially romantically. Thie “dual” relationships are the only area of Socionics that I repectively disagree. I’m an INFP in a relationship with an xNTJ. That’s similar to a ISFP and ESTJ. My dualiity us supposedly a ESTP.. which I can’t imagine. I liked them when I was maybe like 14 or 15. Nothing against this type but I can’t imagine relating to this type on a deeper level, or keeping their interest for that matter. I could see ESTJs liking ISPFs spontaneity, and both are Sensory types so they can relate with each other. -- Anonymous
A12 You know, duality is a funny subject when you get types like ENTp and ISFp together, and I the think the reason why is that everyone expects the E type to take control of a relationship and be the leader. But in duality between ENTp/ISFp, ENTp wants to coax ISFp out to play then needs ISFp to take their hand and force them to commit. On the emotional level we're like children hiding in a closet. We're afraid to come out because we're convinced that it's scary and dangerous and not very fun, but once you bribe us to come out and share some of your own enthusiasm we're likely to respond with exuberance. Of course, this is coming from an ENTp with more weight on her Ne (deep down) than her Ti. But I cling to Ti as a knee-jerk reaction to not knowing how to proceed. Which creates a vicious circle because the less I know how to act, the more I need to rationalize, the farther I bury myself in Ti, the harder it is to be an emotional person etc...The scariest thing about being an ENTp is knowing that I would be head over heels in love with an ISFp, but recognizing that most ISFps would probably hate what they see of me on the surface. -- One lonely ENTp Female
A13 "Dualty makes so much sense to my head but it doesn't make any sense to my heart." wow you really took the words out of my mouth...I'm attracted to the consistency of socionics as theory, yet so confused with inconsistencies of socionics in reality. Case in point, I know of a couple who exhibit the supervision intertype relation, an ISFp and ESTj. They're on the path to wedlock when the time is right. Another example of supervision romance, ESFj and ISTp, who are in fact married. Lastly, a INTj and ESFj who are on the path to wedlock. Here's something to remember: Duality is the optimal relationship for true love, as in long a lasting companionship. Infatuation usually precedes companionship and is often mistook for true love: "I thought they were the one". Infatuation is euphoric, giving a butterfly effect, pun intended, and can last months and even years (I've heard several). When infatuation ceases, its important that the couple are truly compatible because they no longer have that glowing radiance surrounding them and are evaluated more normally. -- Anonymous
A14 maybe you're not an isfp. or if you are an isfp, maybe you haven't met the right entp yet. not all duals are attracted to each other, if they were the world would be kind of bizarre. -- oo ro
A15 i think that you could make it work but it might be too much effort unless you were both willing to try, but as an entp i dont think that i would stick it out, sorry. commitment isn't really my thing. -- Anonymous
A16 As an ENTp girl, currently dating an ISFp, I have to say that reading this site has opened up my eyes to things that seem so obvious now. I agree with A12, with the children in a closet metaphor. There is so much passion and excitement in this relationship, but something just feels scary and uncertain. I think both of us are scared of commitment and/or the future, but are enjoying the experience in the meantime. We'll see how it pans out in the long run; all I know is that right now I'm having a blast finally interacting with someone that challenges me in ways I never imagined. And to think I wrote off F males as being over-bearing over-sensitive wimps. I can admit when I'm wrong... -- ENTp girl with high hopes
A17 Maybe the best relation I think is Semi-Duality, I met ENFp Girl that's I am so attracted to her,there's some misunderstood but that make us understand why we need to be together .... -- ISFp
A18 Correct me if I'm wrong, but I was under the impression that intertype relations merely gave you insight on the ease and comfort of the relationship; you won't necessarily be attracted to every one of your duals. On the same token, it isn't a given that you'll hate every one of your conflictors. -- INTp
A19 I strongly agree with a12 -- Tricia
A20 A-3 I'll second that, personal experience warrants the statement -- ENTp
A21 Anybody who can and is interested in the true personality of a ENTP should make a ENTP giddy in a long term relationship. ENTP's should be great as a friend, but my family knows well that living with a ENTP is kinda tiring, and most xxxJ's would find living with a ENTP way too unpredictable. A-12 is very, very correct. -- Anonymous
A22 I am a female ISFp and am in love with an ENTp. My two deceased husbands were INTp and ESFj. I was very attracted to both of them, but had to curb my unpredictable ways. My ENTp love - I believe THE love of my life - is crazy about my unpredictable and diversified interests. He's so excited that I love him JUST the way he is. A12, don't give up. I found my ENTp on eHarmony - probably would never have recognized the great relationship without. If you find one that will give you a chance, he will crave you. The secret - let us ISFps be fully creative composers and relish in it. -- debi
A23 I love my conflict-relationship friend indeed! But as an ENTP I am extremely enthusiastic to have met a very unique and special ISFP and I'm very excited to see where this may go as he's attempting to pull me out of that "closet" someone spoke of earlier! I could definitely attempt this as I've always admired him from afar. I'm glad to have found out more about him because at first, out of fear of failure, I almost wrote him off! There may be something to this! -- ENTP-er
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A24 I have been in a dual relationship for 2 years now. "Breaking" in the engine is difficult, but some mystical force (or something) keeps you together and allows you to tolerate each other. It's difficult to not be your most natural self, which is why it is so easy to fight and argue sometimes. Eventually, we've come to understand our fights and arguments are just dramatic expressions of personal opinion and negotiation between the two opinions gets worked out, or we will just laugh it off and move on. -- Anonymous
A25 A3 that answer was ridiculous. Your either A: not an entp or B: dont know any isfps OR dont know what an isfp looks and acts like. I have an isfp friend and i fell unusually comfortable with him. we love talking about anything and we strengthen eachothers weakneses and support each others strngths. Being around somone thats my dual has become somewhat addicting to me. -- ENTp
A26 @A25 I completely agree, I've bumped into an ISFP several times through mutual friends and we've ended up hanging out alone a few times and I've become addicted to it. It's just so fun and natural. I leave his place feeling lifted and it gives me a certain high. Now that I've experienced it, I want more. I think there's a broad spectrum on ISFP's though and I need a certain ISFP, probably because I'm a female ENTP. @A24 Every time I've hung out with him I can just let loose and joke and see a difference in the way he acts alone compared to when I've seen him out. It's so fun to just be silly and natural with someone. -- female ENTP
A27 Basic sexual attraction is a fundamental need that can override cognitive preferences - maybe because blood rushes from the brain to fill other areas You have to look at the influence of type from the perspective of 'when all other greater needs are equal'; for, example a person under stress may behave differently and may truly have different needs in order to survive the ordeal. As well, types under the age of 25 generally are not fully set in concrete; hence, partner selection when under that age or when under stress can be very risky. -- I/O
A28 Remember, Duality is only a comment on ease of communication, nothing more. This holds true for all inter-type relations; relationship types don't comment on how well people will get along, or whether romance will blossom or not, but do comment on how easily people will communicate between each other regardless of content. -- Anonymous
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