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Question #1201009566Tuesday, 22-Jan-2008
Category: ENTp INTj Love Relationship Advice
any advice for an Entp female starting into a romantic relationship with an Intj male? -- Anonymous
Your Answers: 1+
A1 It will work for a while and then more of your complexities will unravel and you'll start yearing for some SPish and NT. I am an ENTP and had an Intj relationship for a few years. -- Anonymous
A2 Be as honest as you can (be yourself). INTJ's value honesty. Enjoy the conversation that you can have as rationals that other people might find too "deep". Be respectful of his "I", but it's worth noting that most INTJ men will appreciate the opportunity to come out of their shell a bit (from what I've read). Show genuine interest in what he likes, and sincere compliments are usually appreciated (even if it may not seem like they need it:) -- Anonymous
A3 Brush your teeth frequently and let him know that. I am not kidding. -- Vlad - INTj
A4 Being an INTJ myself, here is some advice 1) If you put down his opinon you better have a very logical reason why your idea is better otherwise he may find quite a few flaws in your idea as well 2) With arguements acknowledge he may have a good idea but that you see it from a different point of view and logically explain why, much better than saying "you're wrong" 3) Never try and make him do something or coax him, likely he will see right through it and resist until hell freezes over 4) Finally INTJ's need their ideas respected and their alone time, alone time isn't a personal thing really it's just time we need to be by ourselves and think, read, etc. 5) Check out for some ideas or post your same question, it's better than this site, I'm under colmdubh -- colmdubh
A5 My answers are from my own experience as a female INTJ, and a rather young one, so don't take them as gospel. 1.) Ask his thoughts often! He probably has a very active mind and would love to share it with you if he's deemed you worthy of it (which I would presume he has, as you're entering the relationship). 2.) Respect his need for plans - i.e., for having things settled. It makes him feel trapped if things are up in the air. On occasion he might ask your opinion on something - he likely has a lot of goals, and an always shifting idea of how to carry them out. If he's in a relationship with you, a lot of them will inevitably have to do with you. He isn't opposed to change, just remember that he's all about results! 3.) Learn how he expresses affection and acknowledge it as such rather than pushing him to be explicit. As an introvert, a lot is going on for him internally, and figuring out how to express it is more like jumping off a cliff than simply talking - no matter how much he trusts you. 4.) Be patient if he gets upset. I get surprisingly emotional about silly problems when I feel overwhelmed, and I need someone to be rational and help me through it. Joining me in being emotional is not usually appreciated! 5.) TELL HIM if you have a problem or an issue with his behavior! He will be far more upset if you wait to present it to him and stew it over than if you simply told him it off the bat. -- Vivi
A6 I have recently started a long distance relationship with an INTj, I am an ENTP. I think they (INTjs) need A LOT of space, it's not disinterest if he's not constantly pursuing you and verbalizing his affection - but when you are together he does other little things that indicate his feelings of positive regard. The other thing that really surprised me was how much he'd thought the relationship through already, and how sensitive he can be sometimes, almost seems like he's always expecting/planning for the worst. So it's only been a few months, and long distance, but I still find him pretty irresistable - I think a big issue will be whether I can learn to appreciate his way of showing affection and if he can appreciate my need for him to communicate it in an ocasionally verbal way. Also, I wish he'd have more fun. Would love an update on how things are going for you two. -- - Gen
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A7 we are doing well .. his mother is entp & think his experience with entp's has made our relationship quite smooth. I am curious to know more about intj hidden agenda 'to be healthy', as he seems to have alot of health hang-up/complaints? is this how it is manifested? Also, if someone's hidden agenda is evident does that mean they are not doing well psychologically? -- question poster
A8 I'm an ENTP female who's been married to an INTJ male for 33 years. The secret to our relationship is my allowing him to verbalize about his latest project until he falls asleep at night. He's the nicest, most decent, hardworking person I know. He adores me and my driven and argumentative traits. I defend him from people who find him easy to manipulate- he's clueless. I'm a sales rep; he's an engineer. It works, but don't expect him to learn to be chatty right off the bat. You will have to "pull" it out of him for a while until he learns to trust. Another thing- they don't cheat for the most part! Great guys, just not "smooth types"; I don't like that sort anyway. -- Anonymous
A9 As an INTj I can easily say that the most important thing is to be honest. The only times I have gotten upset with my girlfriend were those when she lied to me. Since INTj's like to fix things, and improve upon earlier models, most other problems are easily sorted out. As long as you tell him where and what problems arise, they will disappear smoothly, or at least should do so. Anyways, hope this helps. -- Anonymous
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