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Question #1200983527Tuesday, 22-Jan-2008
Category: ESTp INFp Duality Relationship Advice
I am an INFP female, SERIOUSLY interested in an ESTP male, my duality. I liked him before I found out he was my dual. And then only dual I know. Now, I am extreamly interested in him. But I am afraid he doesn't really notice me. We have only recently started speaking more. And he is really great ^_^. But I do not believe that I stand a chance with him. How can I get him to notice me? And how can I make him realize that I am not as boring as I seem? -- INFP awesome
Your Answers: 1+ 14+ 21+
A21 Hi, I am sorry for the people who have had bad experiences with ESTPs. But I think that even if a person is your dual, if they are unhealthy (personality unhealthy) they will obviously not be a good match. I do think ESTPs can love, quite well, its just they don't like to be vulnerable so they may deny their feelings of love or channel them in to lust, and I feel that it takes them a very long time to find the courage to express feelings of love, they are strong and brave but at their core they don't belive they are loveable. I know an ESTP, we have been crazy about each other for ages, I know many people think hes a dick, but I see that as honesty, he says to peoples faces, what other people say behined their backs. If he doesn't like something someone does, he will call them out on it, no matter who they are. I think thats very admirable. And hes loyal and fun and sticks by people when every one else has shut them out. -- Anonymous
A22 Anyone have anything to say about ESTP females? -- an_INFP
A23 A2,what are you talking about?! Maybe that is in your personal experience, obviously an ESTp isn't going to be attracted to you unless you are good looking. ESTps find INFps really sexy, god, my ESTp has been infactuated with me for 7 years. Every ESTp I know can't shutup about how sexy I am. LOL. And we are exciting!!!! GOD. =P! Give it time OP, you got it girlll and hes going to realize that soon & get stepping!!! -- Anonymous
A24 I'm an ESTP female and i've been in a relationship with an INFP male for over 2 years now and we get along great. We have issues too, of course. For example it really bothers him that most of the times I can't tell him how I feel, and the fact that he doesn't believe in me as much as I believe in myself drives me crazy. But can both make compromises - i'm trying to be more open and he's trying to be more supportive. I think it's all a matter of how much you care about the other person. @A22 - if you're interested in an ESTP female, keep this in mind: if we look like we don't care it doesn't mean we actually don't. We like being in the center of attention and although we have enough self confidence to keep us going, a little reassurance every now and then helps a lot. -- Anonymous
A25 I'm laughing at all the INFP's saying they're laid back; no matter how many times I retake I come back as an INFP, but I'm not easy going. Defensive, angry, easily excited and a major pride issue. My ENTP guy (Who I've been with for a year and a bit) is the laid back one, however he's not dopey in any way. He seemed like a dick in the beginning, I'll agree with a previous poster, but usually this was just honesty that I refused to voice in fear of looking bad. We kept going because I felt as if backing out would be trying to hide from his intelligence which threatened mine, and I was determined to be better than him. Eventually we became closer as he helped me through my issues and through my past and getting me to take a major step in my life that I still struggle with (not including all of his help to my interests that no one else would offer, most scoff at), and he opened up to me voicing secrets, memories, ideas, and feelings I find hard to believe he'd share with others. He accepts and accomodates my numerous health issues without flinching and we've gotten through some major conflicts and mistakes on both of our parts. It took me a while to understand and to adjust to him as him to me, but we're getting along fine, and his presence, help, understanding, and challenging personality is invaluable to me. -- Anonymous
A26 D'oh, A25 here. Obviously meant ESTP, dunno why I got them mixed up. Sorry folks. -- Anonymous
A27 A9 you really hit the nail on the head with that last line. I'm an ESTP and that's how my nearly three year relationship ended with my college sweetheart. I couldn't find a job right away after college (I was a Theatre Performance major, go figure) and started to feel like I didn't deserve her and doubted that she really wanted to be with me. When she broke up with me, I didn't really fight that hard to keep her. I just blamed myself. -- Anonymous
A28 Your frailty and 'emotional blindness' should be attractive enough for him. If it isn't then he is just not interested, or doesn't find you attractive. -- Anonymous
A29 As explained in the Dual description,its easy to not fall for ones Dual if they are not supporting a common cause or interest. There are stages that one has to go through, not everyone who is your Dual will make your dreams come true. they might be ideal but they are not usually the easiest relations to establish. Personally though, I don't believe that one can just pick a type to start a relationship with as if you were picking out a pair of shoes. -- Anonymous
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A30 I'm an INFP female and am currently having 2 experiences with 2 ESTP men. One is with an ESTP that I talk to online, we basically just discuss the concept of duality between our types all the time and the ease between us amazes me. We can say anything and just be ourselves, we've been talking for about 5 months now and I feel like a.) I've known him for years and b.) that he's helped me SO much, because he really gives me the space to just be myself...unlike the ESTJs and ENTJ's I seemed to be attracting beforehand. But that's online, so of course it's easier to talk to someone when there's a barrier there, especialyl for my INFP self. The second ESTP is a guy that I work with. From the very first day I met him I could sense an attraction between us, though at the time it was purely physical and I didn't even know what a dual was back then, fast forward a few months later and it's so obvious that we're drawn to one another. When I walk into the restaurant (where we work together) I can feel his eyes on me and it's not long before he's at my side, even if he's not saying anything. He's always been nicer to me then everyone else too. I guess I have the upper hand in a way because I know that Ni is his dual seeking function and Fe calms him down, so I sort of just act....more INFPish around him, lol....So don't think for one second that ESTPs don't notice INFPs. If there is a mutual attraction and you two are both comfortable enough to be yourselves around one another then there's no way of going unnoticed. I don't know if I'd date him....First of all, he has a girlfriend of 1 year...so the fact that it's so obvious to me that he's interested in me, at least sexually, is a big turn off. Because what should make me think he wouldn't do the same to me when some other cute little INFP came into the picture, hmm? Even though ESTJs are my confliting relationship I could see myself in a relationship with an ESTJ waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more then I can see myself with an ESTP. -- Just Me
A31 I am an INFP female and was married to an ISTJ male for 13 years. It was disastrous..........I would not recommend it at all, as I see someone above has...... He was way too stringent and orderly for me. critical, and wanted things his way. I don't know if that is all from the type he was, but in counseling it was mentioned that we are not good types together... I'm not an expert in this though. -- J
A32 I am an INFP female and dated an ESTP male. Unfortunately, there were personal reasons on my part that caused the relationship to not work out. He was great. To this day, he calls me the love of his life. We hardly ever argued. He was very different from me, but I appreciated these as strengths that I lacked. I also know that I helped him as well. We were total opposites, but the lack of drama was awesome. We are both laid back, both "Air" signs so that probably helped. It IS a great pairing!! The only issues were he liked to go out a lot, and I stayed home. But it was okay because we really trusted each other and neither of us was the jealous type. I think he would have liked me to go out with him more. For me, I did missed the intuitive conversation. But other than that, a GREAT relationship if the ESTP is ready to settle down. Yes, this ESTP did experience a strong lasting relationship to me, the INFP. It is very possible! Be different from the people who normally surround him. Dazzle him with your depth, he will take interest. -- Anonymous
A33 Just, don't. I'm an INFP female. Dated an ESTP male. It was bad. At the beginning problably it will go well. He will take you to do things outside, he'll talk a lot. You will love that extroversion, he talks like he really like what he's talking about. You will think he loves you a lot but don't trust him so easily. His S will trick you. He problably like you because he is having fun with you. You will give him the love YOU THINK he's giving, and you will trust him, but it's fake. ESTP are people who live the day. Compromise is not for them. Maybe he don't know that, but he is not make for stable relationships. He problably love partying, and you staying at home. He will get bored of that. He will see other girls. As a T he will always do what he thinks is best for HIM. If you made a little, just a little of drama, he problably will get tired of you. He won't think about the past you shared, he won't think about your future. He only cares the here and now. And if he doesn't like the now, he will break up VERY easily. Do you understand now when I said "don't trust his 'love' so easily"? He's not made for you ESTP are a disaster in relationships. They are not empathic. They talk a lot, but don't listen. They only like to have fun with you. And when he gets tired, bye bye. Duality, yeah. A great duality, for him. You listen, you don't bother him when he's at parties, you are always there, but what gives him to you? Nothing. He'll suck your energy. If you are an INFP, don't date an ESTP. Choose another xNFx, really. The ESTP is a parasite for you, and you'll realize only when it's too late and you already care about him. -- NtLbRs
A34 it seems the character of these aforementioned ESTPs (anyone, really) is what is causing the problems, not necessarily their type. My ESTP male was great, but he had an ENFx mother who really taught him to be respectful and empathic. He was mature, not a player or selfish. -- Anonymous
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