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Question #1199975448Thursday, 10-Jan-2008
Category: ESFp ISFp Relationship
My husband is a ISFP and I am a ESFP I want to know why a simple task as to what restaurant to take me to is such a hard task. We have been married for 30 Years and I have given so much to this relationship that I am at whits end. I am new to the socionics website and am just learning about this but am willing to learn more about him as he has been a wonderful husband , im just about drained and I do value our relationship. Thinking maybe understanding his personality type I could make itg last longer.Thanks -- Cinderella
Your Answers: 1+
A1 Dated an ISFP for while... what I found is that they seem to put zero effort into making something happen. They live so much in the moment that things that require pre-planning is really hard for them. He always had good intentions, and his lack of effort doesn't mean he doesn't care. Sometimes I got so frustrated with him because (too me) it seemed like I was giving a lot and he wasn't giving anything. Leading, controlling people and situations is something they avoid at all costs. If you do the leading, he will appreciate the load off. ISFP's can be pretty hard on themselves, so be a gentle leader and don't make him feel like he failed because he probably already thinks that. Hearing it from you would break his heart. Once my ISFP boyfriend started thinking he was not giving me what I need, he just gave up and I lost him. -- Anonymous
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A2 Sounds like generic problem that could happen to anyone and any type and even to the Duals. -- Anonymous
A3 ISFps also don't always talk about how much they put into the relationship. I've sacrificed soooo much for the people I care about it's just I've never told them about it. Maybe your ISFP husband IS putting efort in but you just don't know about it. Good luck. -- ISFp
A4 Hi Cinderella, This is probably my fourth attempt at a reply after reading your post half a dozen times at least. So I'm just going to be blunt about what I 'see' in your post. You're an extrovert dealing with an introvert. Generally extroverts seem good at navigating in the external world and like to do. Introverts seem good at navigating the internal worlds and like to be. If you want your introvert to do more then you have to do less and be more with him which means you both have to find a way more deeply into the inner worlds, yours, his, and the relationship's. The introvert is probably better equipped for this kind of exploration so he has to be willing and able to participate. After 30 years relationships tend to get very fixed - some would say stuck. I doubt you're going to change it by yourself and if both of you participate I would highly recommend (from my personal experience of 56 years) professional help in opening up to one another. Very best of luck! -- Leslie Smith 56yo male
A5 The problem is that you both are in demand of the support in the NT area, and both would like to ptovide the support in SF area. And both of you CAN'T provide NT and DO NOT need SF. -- Cynic (ISTp)
A6 This is not going to solve the relationship, but maybe, if it is practically possible, you could try having separate holidays, simply to take rest from each other for a while... -- Ezis (ESFp)
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