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Question #1196113742Monday, 26-Nov-2007
Category: INTj
How can I get INTj to express their emotions more? How do I know how they are feeling if they are impassive? -- anonymous
Your Answers: 1+ 17+
A17 @A16 - I can't say I'm familiar with Pascal's theories, so I don't know if I disagree with them or not. I'm not even really sure who you're referring to - do you mean Blaise Pascal? I wasn't aware that he did any work in psychology. In any case, from my brief research on Wikipedia and elsewhere it seems to me that "long term cognitive priming" means something like "what you see influences what you think". Obviously, yes, if you watch a lot of kung-fu movies, you will be more likely to think about martial arts. You'll be more likely to see Bruce Lee in an inkblot. But it doesn't mean you'll be more likely to beat your wife or throw a rock at a dog. As I said, the choice to commit violence is a moral one, and is influenced by your moral education, not how familiar with violence you are. -- Krig (INTj)
A18 Hey, I love gory movies, "violent" video-games, horror/sci-fi novels and, yes, I watch pornography. Yet this is not all I do nor do I find any of these fantasy scenarios "acceptable" in a real-life sense of the word. In fact, I think it makes me even more aware and sensitive to their presence in reality. -- Boo
A19 The word is: TRUSTFUL -- Anonymous
A20 To answer the initial question: You can make me being an INTj very anxious ... no, sorry... angry to talk about feelings. It´s not that I suppress them or reject everything emotional. I just do not know what I´m feeling. I just know that there is something making me happy, angry, sad or whatever. That´s it. Don´t dig deeper. There will be nothing. Once I was asked: "Do you reject falling in love?" bull****. When love comes it comes. I would never have had the idea even to think for myself about the question. If I was unsatisfied with a relationship, I would just comment on what went wrong and try to find a solution. It would also be a great possibility to make an ironic joke. I would never spread out how I feel and what it is that makes me feel that way. I just would work on a solution to feel(yes, feel) better afterwards. I do not want to appear like a stone, but I am a Thinker. Ask me what I think about recent politcal affairs, but not what I feel about anything or anyone. -- Anonymous
A21 A20: Okay Shrek. -- Anonymous
A22 Wish Feelers could tell teachers and professors not to ask what they think about cloud condensation or global warming, but only what they feel about clouds, rain and fairies. -- Anonymous
A23 A22: Why? I dont feel anything about clouds and fairies, but I do know something about global warming. At least with me, it is not I dont like being asked what I think, it is just being afraid I will not be given enough time and support to express what I think. -- Ezis (ESFp)
A24 My point was that both Feelers and Thinkers can't do without having to express what they think and feel. A20 doesn't want to be asked what they feel.. well thinking for Feelers is equivalent to feelings for Thinkers but expressing what they think is still important for Feelers just like expressing what they feel is important for Thinkers. Balance is key. -- A22
A25 A24: I see. As a dominant Se I actually like to be asked what I saw or heard most of all, more than what I think or feel, but I got your point and agree. -- Ezis (ESFp)
A26 You must mentally stimulate an INTj. I consider myself an self-aware INTj. Perhaps this is not so required for an NT with a lower T preference than myself, but this is the INTj emotional synopsis in a nutshell: We are thinkers and internal processors. We have just as many feelings as anyone else, we simply are not comfortable with expressing them because we too often experience them through our heads. When I feel something, I almost instantly think that feeling through, attempting to derive its source such that I might be able to react appropriately to it. If you want to impress us, stimulate our minds. Make us think. Give us time to consider what you made us think, and then listen attentively (I mean actually listen and consider what we have to say) about what you have sturred up in our brain. If we can qualify our emotions, we shall express them to those that we believe will consider and respect them. Make us think, and through our thought you can hear what we feel. -- Anonymous
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A27 As an INTj, I would have to agree that trust is the key. I only express what I feel to those I trust and to those who are sincere in expressing there feelings to me. -- Anonymous
A28 As an INTj, I would have to agree that trust is the key. I only express what I feel to those I trust and to those who are sincere in expressing there feelings to me. -- Anonymous
A29 We don't express our emotions. We really don't. I can only assume you're in some kind of romantic relationship with an INTJ, or perhaps a concerned parent. What can I say? We have a triple-whammy of internalization and emotional suppression with our I, N, and T. We don't talk through our feelings, we don't really express them. Where does that leave you? Well, it kind of sucks, I suppose. The person has to trust you, far deeper than you probably think is possible. I count the number of people I can trust on one hand, and I don't need all five fingers. Even still, I doubt I'd talk about my feelings with more than 1 or 2 of them, and the circumstances would have to be extreme. That's not to say we don't have feelings, and that's not to say there's no signs you might be able to observe. I'm assuming the only ones you really care about are the big ones. Anger, love, sadness. Music is probably a good window into your INTJ's mind, although I have to say it's not always the best indicator. I love music and sometimes I'll listen to stuff that's not at all related to my emotional state, even stuff that's the opposite. Indications that you have become your INTJ's project is a good indication that he or she cares about you. The signs may be subtle. Little surprises, sudden shifts in behavior (for the good), more attention to detail. If your INTJ shows he or she trusts you, that's a biggie. If suddenly your INTJ reveals a secret of some sort, which means he or she trusts you. Be sure there are bigger secrets in there, but even little ones mean your INTJ cares. I've suffered from depression three times in my life. Absolutely nobody in my life knew about it while it was going on, and I've admitted it to exactly 2 people, years after the fact. If there's some sign you can pick up on that your INTJ is sad, I have no idea what it is. Anger is probably the most obvious. Sarcasm in your direction, veiled contempt... Usually when an INTJ shows anger, he or she is truly furious. Mostly though, anger will simmer a bit beneath the shell, where it will often be intellectually deescalated. Most things won't offend an INTJ. We're our own worst critics, and we have very thick skin. What will get us mad is incompetence. If an INTJ suddenly wants to take over a project, he or she views you as incapable of the task. Illogical behavior will usually tick us off too. For myself, I tend to either call people on it, or I'll just roll my eyes and ignore you. It really depends on how much something affects me personally. Anyway, you definitely can't force your INTJ to do something he or she was not built to do. Push one of us, and we definitely will stop trusting you, and then you'll never get anything. Foster trust, and beef up your observational skills, that's all you can do. We like being seen as competent, we like being seen as valuable for our problem-solving skills. Do a little ego-stroking, but be subtle about it. Praise for the sake of praise, and praise that exceeds what we think of ourselves, does not go over well. But, if we feel appreciated for our skill-sets, feel you're an intellectual equal, we'll trust you more. If we really want to talk about our feelings, we'll come to you if you're trustworthy by our extremely strict standards. -- Anonymous
A30 As an INTJ, I prefer bluntness. Also, I am passionate about my intellectual domain (mathematics, technology, and psychology) and if you can appeal to that faculty, my emotions are at ease and the ability to express them becomes actualized. -- Anonymous
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