| Socionics Personals |  | Female
Straight
16-25
Oceania
Libra
ENFj |
|  | Male
Straight
16-25
Middle East
Sagittarius
INTj |
|  | Male
Straight
26-35
North America
Pisces
INXj |
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| Question #1193029720 | Monday, 22-Oct-2007 |
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| I am an INFJ female who is interested in an ENTP male. Our current relationship is one of friendship. I am having some trouble figuring out just how close the friendship is because of the different ways he acts when we are together. I guess I should add that things are just a tad bit more complicated than that...He is actually dating my best friend who is an ENFP. My ENFP friend and I have managed to overcome the obstacles in our friendship...mostly. We have remained close and actually grown in our friendship, but I feel as though I am forced to hold back when discussions of love ensue. I am very devoted to my close friends and would never want to cause her pain, but at the same time I feel distanced from her because she does not know that i haven't been able to stop loving him. I am rather young(17), so i was hesitant to use the word "love", but I don't know what other name to give these feelings. I had liked him (the ENTP) since about the 7th grade...just a little crush at the time. I continued to like him into the 9th grade with increasing feelings. By the 10th grade I was pretty much in love and had made myself sick wondering how he felt. Some events occurred that allowed him to discover my feelings. He is a very compassionate person when it comes to matters of the heart, so in the nicest way he could, he let me know that he didn't really want a serious relationship...never anything against me. He just didn't have the time and energy to devote to a romantic relationship in highschool. I came back to my senses and realized my mistake. I feared that I would lose small friendship that we had previously had, so I wrote him a note explaining that I must have been mistaken about the way I felt and that I really just wanted to get to know him better as a friend. As an INFJ I am a horrible liar, but I can almost pull it off on paper...it apparently worked this time. WEll he said he understood and we continued to have an awkward friendship, but I was just thankful that he didn't shun me =). Around this time I got to know my ENFP friend. I told her everything...including my feelings of undying love that had been in an uproar ever since I wrote the note to him. We immediately became fast friends realized the bond that we had. She(ENFP) was actually a very close friend of my object of affection(ENTP). She encouraged me in liking him and did what she could to help bring about my romantic wishes...little things like sitting next to him etc... Well apparently he remained oblivious and eventually came to be attracted to my best friend(ENFP). My friend(ENFP) and I were both devastated. She didn't like him at the time. She regarded him as a brother. She and I realized that we couldn't stand to lose the friendship that we had developed. We promised each other to do whatever we had to do to keep our friendship intact. WEll eventually she realized what a great guy he was and started to like him. She was afraid that if she kept putting off answering his questions that she would lose him forever. So I gave my blessing and said she should date him. I figured if i couldn't be happy, then she could at least be happy. I also wanted ENTP to be happy. She was opposed to my suggestion at first, saying she could never do that to me, but eventually she began to like him and they ended up dating. I was actually doing OK at first. I enjoyed seeing my friend happy. I developed a stronger friendship with ENTP and thought that I had really just wanted a close friendship relationship with him all along. I guess I sort of turned off some of my emotions...if that makes sense. I didn't want to feel the pain, so I blocked it out. I still struggled with the emotions of grief and loss, but I always managed to get over them. I just kind of "switched off" my love as much as I could. I think that may be one of my biggest mistakes. I didn't address my feelings after everything happened. I just wanted to stay friends with (ENFP). Don't misunderstand me. I still love my ENFP friend like a sister, but some feelings are starting to surface that I guess just never got a chance to earlier. I feel a little betrayed and slightly alone...now that I can't exactly tell her that I still love her boyfriend. I really would just like to stop loving him completely, but I don't know how. I am a Christian and I know that God has a plan for my life. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that God must be allowing my to go through this "storm" for a reason that I can not comprehend right now. I pray for strength and for guidance in dealing with my emotions and the people I love. But I don't know if I can ask God to take away love. It seems that He would place love in a heart for a good reason, not just so that it could be taken away later. So God must have a plan that's bigger than mine. I want His will to be done. This has sort of turned into a story instead of a question. I'm sorry I blew the whole question-answer format thing. Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated!! I don't exactly feel like pouring my heart out to my ENFP friend. It probably needs to be said, but I can't do that to her. It would end up weakening our relationship or weakening her relationship with ENTP. I don't want to break them up. I want them to be happy. Truly, I do. I guess I just want some hope or hearing from someone else that understands the complexities of type relationships. I would appreciate any advice or personal experiances from all types. THANK-YOU! -- Kat |
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| A1 Somebody please make a summary. -- Vlad - INTj |
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A2 Looks like this is a record-length question anybody has ever asked at this site  My long answer: Kat, I think this is something you should discuss with your friends because they know you best. In this case intertype relations theory won't help much. Just that according to it, INFj and ENTp aren't the best match. I can think of some advice, as I am Christian too and I went through something similar myself (don't want to sound rough, but many people did): It sounds un-Christian, but in this area it's better not to put everything in God's hands. I tried that about twenty times and the only result was that I was even more confused. You should decide what to do and try dealing with it yourself in the first place, just asking for His help on the way, because only then you can learn something from it. You will definitely understand what this experience was meant for, no reason to worry about this. But you will understand later and when you expect it least. There is a good saying: If it does not kill you it will make you stronger My advice is to do something interesting and not spend much time thinking about emotions. They exist and are difficult to deal, but simply put, working relationships are more important. If you are interested in reading something on this topic, there are good thoughts on being in love from the Christian point of view in C.S.Lewis's The Four Loves and Screwtape's Letters. -- Ezis (ESFp) |
| A3 kat god bless you, INFJ female deserve the best in this world... i did not read what you wrote because it is way too long but i do think they are the best people in the whole world -- G |
A4 Hi Kat, God sure has a plan for your life, he also has your best interest at heart. The verse God gave me for a similar situation (with the exception that my bestfriend isn't dating him, and I am quite a bit older than you are). God gave me Proverbs 3:5-6 "trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowlege him and he will make your paths straight." That is God's advice, my advice is Accept the love that you have (or affection of infatuation...?) and trust that God's plan is perfect. Have you asked God his opinon on this guy? I know that when I have asked God about a certain Guy the answer most often has been "he is not for you" sometimes, "just a friend" and a few times he has been silent on this matter. On this last one "wait and see". Also as dificult as it would be, you need to put some distance between you and this couple, you need to let them go(I am not talking about alienating them, just find something else to focus on, spend your time with...). You are not going to be able to move on as long as they are in your focus. This is interesting for me because my mother is and INFJ and my dad is an ENTP and my love interest is an ENFP. My parents love each other, but oh do they ever fight, they always have and they will keep on fighting. -- INTP
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| God told me to allow this one so that we all can have a crack at it, but to resist any further temptations. |
| A5 ENTPs are flirts. The end! -- ENTP |
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