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Question #1192028784Wednesday, 10-Oct-2007
Category: ISFp Relationship
How do ISFps behave in relationships? I suspect my last one was with a girl of that type, or perhaps she was INFp, but I doubt it. Long story short, no good. yet I find it quite stimulating to reflect back on the experience, understand it in all its facets. Are they normally hyper-emotional, yet hide the reasons for their moods? Sadly, I have few positive questions in this regard. -- MD (INTp)
Your Answers: 1+
A1 They're the best, sorry but you should never have finished with her -- ISTp
A2 As an INTP female in a relationship with an ISFP male; I agree they are pretty awesome but really hard to understand. Ever get frustrated with their inability to make an effort to do something??? Well, as an ISFP friend put it, they tend to have "No intention of ever working hard... ever" unless it's something they have dedicated themselves to. He holds all his feelings in... when it becomes necessary I draw them out in a VERY non-confrontational way and in a very quiet understanding tone. I sometimes feel as if it weren't for my part, the relationship would fizzle into oblivion. The thing is, despite this I know he really cares about me and is psyched that I keep showing up. -- Anonymous
A3 How do you define hyper-emotional please? -- Anonymous
A4 A2: Sounds roughly like her. Oh yeah I got the frustration part. Often I had the notion she hid a lot, and when she did hoose to talk, rarely did I understand her. On the converse side, as the situation worsened and I withdrew (as is the INTp way), she regularly accused me of being "harsh" or "hiding" (???). A3: Hyper-emotional, by my definition, is a tendency to display emotions to the extreme. Tears when happy, tantrums when not. I understand the contradiction in my post, but generally speaking she had intense feelings, just did not usually show them. -- MD
A5 I thought of the Electromagnetism and socionics article when I read about respective emotional currents.. -- Anonymous
A6 Do you mean FiSe or SiFe? -- Ezis
A7 FeFi Fo and Fum -- An ISTp
A8 A6: SiFe. What's up, Ezis? I thought you knew this stuff. -- Anonymous
A9 So in socionics it's SiFe and in MBTI it's FiSe. I tend to side with FiSe... -- Anonymous
A10 A8: It is always possible you underestimate someone But yeah, I know that in Socionics ISFp means SiFe, but it happens sometimes that some people use the MBTI terminology and the other Socionics terminology, which causes confusion. It seems to me, for example, that A2 is speaking rather about an FiSe. I just wanted to make sure if the question is about FiSe or SiFe, cause in case it was about FiSe I could give some insight. I dont know much about SiFe so I wont push myself forward any more here. Only it comes to my mind that perhaps she thought the reasons for her moods were obvious, but you didnt see them because you arent from the same quadra, i.e. you are "tuned on a different wave length". A7: I vote for FeLaFel, at least it is something you can eat -- Ezis
A11 A10: A8 was me, I seem to forget to put in my signature half the time. I believe it is possible she was FiSe, as I went and compared the two. ISFps are more likely to run aaway from conflict because they need peace, yes? It was more likely she ran away from me after fighting to make me feel guilty (and I am embarrassed to admit that it worked). Also I was involved in MBTI at the time, and we often locked horns over the validity of the subject, her making fun of the whole concept and me attempting to force her into a logical mindframe (and failing, as she thought I was the one being impractical). Lesson learned: the only logic a woman will listen to is the logic spoken by the knuckles... kidding, kidding. So, Ezis, assuming she WAS FiSe, what would be your insight? -- MD
A12 A11 I think you need to get over this obsession with this isfp girl - intellectual discussion is one thing but this isn't the first question you have posed about her - Clearly I have no control over what you do but the girl finished with you and its not cool to stalk or obsesse over someone who's made it clear they don't want you. With this in mind maybe the knuckle joke-albeit not a funny one-isn't really that much of a joke or more serious mmh? Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh to it but my intentions mean well. Ezis your word play is better than mine and a good follow up to my jack in the beanstalk giant feeling just that bit peckish hehe -- An ISTp
A13 A12: I understand what you are getting at, and I appreciate the kick. I guess it DOES sound that way, but honestly I already finished with the situation. My goal is NOT to obsess, but to understand. Remember, you ISTps live in the moment, INTps live in all of time. It was an experience, and I think on it to pick it clean of anything useful for the future. I also understand your suspicions regarding my character. I will say that you are admirably blunt, however badly you have misperceived. I have had run-ins with you before, no? -- MD
A14 MD we may have done-its in my nature to get to the point when talking-its perhaps something I should not do or tone down, its got its good and its bad points an you may not admire it forever! You are right about the n thing my apologies. -- Apologetic ISTp
A15 Hyperemotional? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. Well I'm an ISFP and if you asked every single person that I no I'm pretty sure they would all say I'm not hyperemotional. HOWEVER, I purposly and constantly hide emotions from everybody except those that I'm really close to and to them I'm pretty sure I'm not hyper emotional. AND about the whole hiding the reason for the emotions nope I don't do that either not to the people I'm close to anyway. HOWEVER I am only ONE ISFP and every single person on the planet is different and some people have mood disorders and some people don't. OH AND I'm pretty sure that in general ISFPs are pretty sensitive individuals!! HOWEVER I think on the whole most of us don't show it!! Anyway in my optinon the INTP ISFP combo is not a good one!...OMG WAIT ok the only INTP I know I really admire! I think ISFPs and INTPs could probably be really good friends! but when it comes to romantic relationships I think they're just too different to work out. -- Anonymous
A16 The problem is lack of communication between INTP and ISFP. Both are very guarded, true, but there is an S/N communication gap. An INTP will say something with open-ended meaning, usually more focused on the subtle hint. The ISFP's take it literally and speak literally, while the INTP is trying to figure out what it "means." I don't think he is being obsessive... it's not like stalking her, just trying to understand what happened. Actually, she probably just needs some time to sort things through and make sense of whatever happened. The ISFP guy I'm seeing also once ended the relationship after a fight, and I was resigned to give up. But the next time we ran into each other it was clear we were both sorry and had feelings. I'm using TiNe and he is FiSe. Also, an ISFP that is scared ****less of commitment might be less agreeable to sharing emotions with someone they are romantically involved with... just a thought. And I believe many ISFP's are averse to commitment. -- Anonymous
A17 A11: My insight was more or less similar to that of A15. I have many ISFj friends and relatives and all of them are much like A15 says (at least I see them so). I will better not add anything to it because actually, after reading your question and the discussion, I started thinking about them and realized that I did not know them very well, though I have known some of them for about 20 years...interesting. They are really not out-going. But definitely worth interest. -- Ezis
A18 to MD: when you posted this: "I believe it is possible she was FiSe, as I went and compared the two. ISFps are more likely to run aaway from conflict because they need peace, yes? It was more likely she ran away from me after fighting to make me feel guilty (and I am embarrassed to admit that it worked)." i believe you were incorrect. i am isfp female who has trouble controlling intense emotions with people i really like. when i snap at them, or lash out in anger, i will frequently retreat afterward--NOT to punish them, but because my feelings, ever changing, have turned to guilt or shame for my behavior. this is why we seem "happy when you return" as one person up there put it. we are sometimes too embarrassed to fix or give up. but if someone cares enough to remedy the situation then they become soooo important to the isfp... -- Anonymous
A19 @A16: ISFP here. About the commitment: Every ISFP probably goes about this differently but in my case I'm really picky about who I let myself get close to because when I get attatched I REALLY get attatched...so yes in one sense there is a certain fear of commitment but as long as the person is a "safe" person then I wont be afraid at all to commit and then when I do commit, I really really really commit. -- Anonymous
A20 to A18: I agree. I thought the same (that an ISFP was trying to make me feel guilty) but when it turns out he felt SO guilty that he couldn't face me, talk about it, or even apologize. I find ISFP's tend to have a dark side, directed at themselves, and also harbor a lot of guilt about their inadequacies and how it affects the people close to them. To all ISFP's: don't be so hard on yourselves. The people close to you care about who you are, not what you're not good at. -- INTP
A21 I was once in a relationship with an ISFp girl. She was a human emontion amplifier (very upset or happy), never admited she did something wrong (mostly blame it on outside conditions), get upset very fast, made a drama about it (have you ever listen to a 1.5 hours monologue?) and then forget about it very quickly. She was also very commited to the relationship. I tried all sorts of ways to get out but to no avail. Now we are hapilly married with a kid. -- Vlad - INTj
A22 I think that's the difference between male and female ISFP's. The females show emotion more freely, but even in a close relationship the male ISFP with hide just how strong the emotion is, and get cynical when he's upset. They're afraid people will think he's a pussy. -- INTP
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A23 Hmm...I once dated an isfp...she was very distant, but I never saw her as being overly sensitive. Whatever feelings she did have were usually warranted. -- Anonymous
A24 @A20: <3 <3 <3 -- Anonymous
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