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Question #1191136932Sunday, 30-Sep-2007
Category: ENTj Advice
I have a question regarding ENTJ and duality. I am certain from prior experiences, as well as researching the matter, that I am very compatible with ENTJ in relationships. However I am somewhat maladapted-that is to say, I have so many defense mechanisms hindering my ability to behave appropriately that I am not sure why I do the things I do anymore. I discovered this recently in an attempt to get closer to an ENTJ I met online...everything seemed perfect yet I somehow managed to screw it up before it progressed any further. MY question is this: supposedly dual relationships undergo rough patches at the start...but how do I know what to attribute to the natural hard-ships of getting to know each other and what to attribute to my own insecurities? I'd like to know before I put myself out there because I cannot tell from this ENTJs reactions is he is fed up with me already or just responding negatively to my neediness? I don't know whether to apologize, or how to if I do, because they seem so distant. Are ENTJ known to forgive? Or do they even really care? -- Anonymous
Your Answers: 1+
A1 You can only be yourself so if you've got insecurities then don't apologise for them no one is perfect and you are just you -- Istp
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A2 This is a topic I have thought about a lot myself, so here is my attribution: I heard many ESFps and ENFps had the same problem with INTps and ISTps, so you are not alone:-) Well, the only ENTj I know definitely isnt the kind of unforgiving guy. And when his girlfriend was leaving to study abroad, he got her every possible information about that country she might need. So he isnt an uncaring kind, either. But for us F ENTjs can be difficult to decipher. If you are a girl, maybe its advisable not to be like the easy to get and emotionally dependent kind, but otherwise I agree with A1 - dont be afraid to be yourself. I have noticed that the older NTs are, the better they can cope with SFs. (The same is true about SFs.) So maybe the ENTj you met online simply did not have much experience with SFs. I read an article about an ENTj guy (an architect) who fell in love with an ISFj girl (an artist) when he saw the affection and invention with which she decorated every detail of her flat. So I think it also depends on life goals and interests. Probably also subtypes - if you are e.g.an Se subtype, your communication with a Te subtype will be more difficult than that with an Ni subtype. I have read on the Lithuanian Socionics website that Dual relationships are like skating together on an uneven ground - its enjoyable, but sometimes you are higher, sometimes you are lower. So dont lose courage, keep improving your natural skills and interacting with ENTjs. Some day someone will appear who will apppreciate this experience of yours. -- Ezis (ESFp)
A3 A1 and A2, thank you for your input. As it turns out, you both seem to be right. After a few days of quiet reflection, I approached him again (btw I = ISFj girl) and we were able to laugh about it. And A2, you might be right about the intuitive and sensing functions. I do not have a very high "S" function and he told me his "N" is borderline as well, so maybe that has something to do with it? -- Anonymous
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