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Question #1189506211Tuesday, 11-Sep-2007
Category: ENFp ISFp Relationship Advice
I'm an ENFP female interested in a male who I'm 90% sure is ISFP. When reading the 'semi-duality' relationship description I was FLOORED - it described EXACTLY our relatioship and what's happening right now. I know we are both attracted to each other, but I'm just not sure to what extent, in what way, or WHY? Part of the reason I enjoy being around him is that I just quite can't figure him out nor can I tell what's he's thinking about me. My question is this - can this go anywhere? And more importantly - what is the best way to approach him? Is it possible to have a commited relationship or would a 'friends with benefit' be more likely and appropriate? -- Lila
Your Answers: 1+
A1 go with the flow. it is possible that u have mis-typed the __F_ (isFp) bit, ..cause u are a feeler, and it may seem asif this 'isTp' does not present with the 'tenous' __T_ bits. Which, lets admit, is a bit of a strain in a relationship when your ISTP is immature. my uneducated guess (cause like all of these posters, i am really self-educated and in 'full-leather-guess' mode till somebody can point out my error) is that your ISFP is really a ISTP fully educated in the _S_P information stream, therefore makin him seem so natural as to invite your isFp hypothesis. U can't really put a check on your feelings, it is the wrong thing to regulate, and with your worry now, u are looking for things unforeseen to go wrong, which never may. i am really clueless on the exact way to 'healthyly' differentiate a semi from a full dual. let's a semi-dual is estp, which means i am looking for places where the -t- balance really makes our relationship un-tenable*. looking at the article..on semi-duality on this site, seems to place your worry in the 'mid-relationship band' where u guys 'move' it is probably not something u can guess out initially. *-my own 2cents on the matter- how in this day and age is a -f- and a -t- really supposed to differentiate there mirrors on that function (semi-duality).. well i don't know possibly this is an internal clock with every type,... that is u either go with me, or against me as the leader of this -f- or -t- stream. and how do u really differentiate -f- from -t- where other streams like -S-P or -N-P tends to shaddow it (that 3rd function). Perhaps the '3rd' function is a mental behavioural stream, and not one of inner conviction or 'information metabolism'. So miss.girl ENFP, u would really have to discriminate in the relationship -- @sirac
A2 My partner of 18 months is my semi-dual, I am ESFj, he is ISTj. It is hard work, I still don't always know what he is thinking, which is compounded by his introversion. It can be very rewarding however. He is interesting, challenging and inspiring. I'd recommend it if you're willing to put in the effort. -- karen
A3 Assuming he's is ISFP, he will be difficult to get to know. If you really are interested in him, it will take him a looooong time to "let you in" and you'll have to be patient to let him sort his feelings about you on his own. The time and patience part might be hard (especially for an ISFP) but if you push it too hard he will push you away. One big mistake I made when being "friends with benefits" is that I didn't think he had strong feelings for me and so I kinda moved on... but it turned out he did but just never expressed it or treated me like a girlfriend. You also need to accept him the way he is and show him that you like him even if he is lazy, unmotivated, etc. ISFP's are attracted to things that show them unconditional love, like children, animals, and YOU. Unfortunately if this guy is like the ISFP I know, he probably is too shy/uncertain to invite you into his space... you have to invite him into yours...but only after hanging out with him enough to at least call him a friendly aquantance. -- Anonymous
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A4 I'm a male ENFP and I'm just getting into a relationship with a female ISFP. We really like each other, but she seems completely hot and cold towards me and is unwilling to reveal the reasons behind her sudden and drastic changes in emotion. And though we are both lighthearted and spontaneous we connect really well on a superficial level, but i find it difficult to engage in a conversation on any deeper level. As an ENFP who thrives on connecting with others and maintaining constantly growing and deepening relationships this is really frustrating. I'm also worried that with my ENFP tendency to move on from relationships that become frustrating and stagnant, that if this continues for too long i may become bored with it and move on. I was just wondering if someone has other advice on this topic with the male and female positions reversed. -- -ENFP
A5 Hi ENFP - I'm an female ISFP. I'm close with an ENFP guy - he's great - but I question the sincerity of his attentions sometimes - or actually the longevity of his feelings rather than his sincerity. Personally, I feel really flattered when someone opens up to me on a deep level, but I've learned that this guy does that with a lot of people and so I try to turn my feelings off sometimes with him because I'm afraid of getting hurt if he gets bored with me. I really care for him but as a self-preservation thing I don't want to show him just how much I care because I get the feeling that he doesn't place tbe same value on communicating on a deep level as I do. It seems to me that it's more about him unburdening himself than wanting to open up to me personally. You've got to understand that for ISFPS to open to someone on a deep level is a big thing and not something they're flippant about so you've got to make her feel secure enough in your affection for her to want to do that. I think persistence and consistency is key. Hope that helps By the way, I would appreciate your opinions about my situation if you think I'm off track in regards to how ENFPs operate -- ISFP
A6 @ At A4 and A5.... am ENFP male and i like a ISFP girl.... i like her from 4 yrs.... and i think she likes me too... bcoz the way she looks at me... its like she wants to say something to me bt equally scared... I can relate to da hot and cold thing... word of advice to ISFP girls.... we ENFP's are v deep if u meet us alone or in private... chatting on da phone or msges etc would be good... Its just dat we have an image of an enthusiast to keep in public dats why sometimes wud appear superficial and do things that unintentionaly hurt the ISFP... We ENFP absolutely love your grace... and da way you ISFP carry your self... find u mysterious dats why stare so much into ur eyes and try to reach ur soul... -- ENFP
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