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| Question #1188062128 | Saturday, 25-Aug-2007 |
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| I have a university friend who I strongly suspect to be ISTP, but he's not very happy underneath and told me recently that if he doesn't find a purpose in life by the time he's 30 or sooner (he's about 20) he'll kill himself. He's not melodramatic & wouldn't joke about that sort of thing. He doesn't come across as being miserable, just a bit shy, although I guess in face-to-face conversations he doesn't seem very motivated towards life in general (un-surprisingly, if there's nothing to live for). I know him through a mutual hobby so I don't know how he gets on with coursemates, but I'd say he has a few really close friends and people outside that get on with him well enough even if he is resistant to 'going out', preferring familiarity socially yet, I suspect, hating it at the same time. I know he has to find his life-purpose for himself, & I don't think he's looking to me to give him answers (although sub-consciously he could be, since he told me all that), but I wandered what people thought about how I might be able to help him? It's tricky because what I say is influenced by my INFP values (I live to enjoy life & to help others enjoy it, to try & benefit other people through my words and actions, to help myself & others grow) and they could be completely different to ISTP ones. So I also wandered what other ISTPs live for? -- Dee |
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| A14 The original person in question sounds like someone I know. I'm wondering if he's an ISTP. Which types struggle the most with setting attainable, personally rewarding goals and achieving them? He's struggled a lot with this in life, and is reaping negative consequences as of late. His first problem is not knowing what is personally "worth" pursuing for the long haul. When he does decide on a goal, after tremendous contemplation and talk (and searching for outside help and MUCH affirmation), his second complaint is always not having the resources to achieve whatever he has set his heart on. And if the goal is minor and if he already has what it takes to do it, his third complaint is to come up with "reasonable" excuses as to why the plan will fail, and is not worth wasting the effort on. When he commits to a task, it seems like he *can* work really hard at it, "going overboard" to excel. It has really hurt his relationships and career. And recently, he's subtly confessed that he's giving himself five more years to "get it together" or he's ending his life (and he's not the melodramatic type, either). How can I help him? -- Anonymous |
| A15 A14, he does sound very ISTp-ish. I have similar problems, but not to the extent of suicide like this man has. A few years ago, I was going for a bachelors in math. And I was very good at it. Never studied, never did homeworks, got A's etc. But this ultimately let to my downfall, as Real Analysis (proofs) I and II ripped me a new one. I found that I was not intrinsically motivated to work hard at math; it didn't excite me at all. I quickly made the clean decision to stop pursuing math and find out what I was passionate about. As an ISTp, I know that I can excel in nearly any field if I'm interested in it. I considered dropping the whole college degree thing and joining a trade school, for mechanics. Also a colonary school for cooking. But I had always done music on the side of everything else in my life, I realized that this was what I was really passionate about. I had always been skeptical of choosing a career in music because of its lack of practicality. But I am very gifted in this area and have a deep appreciation for it, so here I am, back in school aiming for degrees in music. For your friend I have this advice: 1)Personally, I don't do too well looking far into the future. I keeps it real and take it one step at a time. 2)Remember that as ISTps, we are talented individuals and are masters of practicality; no matter what we do, we will do it well and we shall reap the benefits of our hard work. And 3)despite the self-sufficiency we're capable of, having a friend to talk, or better yet a woman to love would be ideal. -- Shaq |
| A16 maybe he has a spiritual need. Like faith in a divine power (God) That's the way we were created. We need physical, mental, social and spiritual need to feel whole. Humanity has always yearned for answers...truth and purpose in life. Do you know if he has read the bible? -- infp |
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| A17 hopefully this might help? https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=22795 -- Anonymous |
| A18 hopefully this might help? https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=22795 the third post talking about dealing with overwhelming hatred we sometimes feel about everything and everyone in life and one thing someone said stood out to me: "5s often have a lot of hatred because of their lack of embodiment - that can make them feel powerless, and the sensitivity to intrusion can also connect to peace (peace and power being connected to the black latifa - http://www.ahalmaas.com/Glossary/b/black_latifa.htm )" "Actually, the thing to do is to step into it and feel it fully (this is where inquiry comes in). By allowing the hatred, rather than stepping back from it, you can work through the issues associated with it and come to some understanding of what it's related to. The understanding will chip away at it slowly. I don't mean act it out, but feel it, inquire into it, be with it. Don't examine it from a detached place." -- Anonymous |
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