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Question #1188062128Saturday, 25-Aug-2007
Category: ISTp Advice Success/Failure
I have a university friend who I strongly suspect to be ISTP, but he's not very happy underneath and told me recently that if he doesn't find a purpose in life by the time he's 30 or sooner (he's about 20) he'll kill himself. He's not melodramatic & wouldn't joke about that sort of thing. He doesn't come across as being miserable, just a bit shy, although I guess in face-to-face conversations he doesn't seem very motivated towards life in general (un-surprisingly, if there's nothing to live for). I know him through a mutual hobby so I don't know how he gets on with coursemates, but I'd say he has a few really close friends and people outside that get on with him well enough even if he is resistant to 'going out', preferring familiarity socially yet, I suspect, hating it at the same time. I know he has to find his life-purpose for himself, & I don't think he's looking to me to give him answers (although sub-consciously he could be, since he told me all that), but I wandered what people thought about how I might be able to help him? It's tricky because what I say is influenced by my INFP values (I live to enjoy life & to help others enjoy it, to try & benefit other people through my words and actions, to help myself & others grow) and they could be completely different to ISTP ones. So I also wandered what other ISTPs live for? -- Dee
Your Answers: 1+ 14+
A1 Probably some ENFp. Acting is wrong. It sounds like you really care about this person, so what then? INFp? Just say "Super-Ego Relations" and go totally nuts. Sounds like you're living up to one another, and you're loving him until he's blue in the face. And so are you, right? He's an ISTP probably? He's less of a promotional than you need, it seems. -- - The Sum-Total ENTj
A2 He's less of a promotional than you need? Just wondering what that means, its a friend not a commodity? INFp your friend is lucky to have you, and I presume it is just friends as its possible to have platonic friendships but if its more then take it slowly I would say. Try to get him to do other things..go to a hiking club, something sporty with him or even chess club! The reason why is the more things he has on the more pleasure he'll have in life and therefore have more things to live for..the simple day to day and week to week things. Hope this helps -- ISTp
A3 Wrong, i am going to think he is ENFP, he wants to give, if he is in the situation where he receives, that will fail him, so go with the mirror concept (A1 asserted). However, if A2 thinks the solution is to enjoy life, wrong, then i would go with advise that helps for ENTPs, be part of his circle, it's non-sexual, as an ENTP he manages that surprizingly well. in that case, an INTP relationship will help, so they can describe mutual growth facets, career development, internal movings or lets not call it 'internal'...lets just call it movings. If he is the GIVER (for which the receiver will fail strategically), he should find it on his own, he just needs his self-talk alone time, and the resolution of things which prevent him from being effective in this stage,... like, lets say, the purpose of your present relationship -- @sirac
A4 Sorry Sirac but if your an ISTp then most of your enjoyment of life comes from your immediate experiences and also the past experiences you can call up on, hence my advice. You seemed to have typed him everything, but lets leave that job to the person that actually knows him shall we? -- ISTp
A5 typed him, no. i was just going against A2, oh, that must mean u A4. For two drastic options are offered, and the reaction might..(might.time and space.)..and the wrong one might send the worst message. The girl needs to descide if he is a giver or receiver,...A1 puts him in the givers position, u A2 puts the guy in the receiver position (and imply that the girl goes for a relationship, which i would see with hostile intent, if that is the injunction u made to a girl who wants to help, not offer herself without limitation).. I only added a second givers clause, that is if he is an ENTP. But A2,A4, we all right, whatever pushes this girl to interaction mode, will soon sort itself out__for from this period, her head was open to listen for currents which may, or may not strike. Hey Mr. ISTp, lets not live in a testosterone dominated world, we don't have to destroy each other to co-exist -- @sirac
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A6 Sorry A4 no testosterone intended, some action better than no action when dealing with said issues. -- ISTp
A7 I latched onto the words "not very happy underneath" - as an ISTp who's been trying to pay attention to what other ISTp say about themselves, we seem to be pretty comfortable in our own skin. That your friend admitted this to you implies one of several things: 1) not an ISTp ... 2) suffering from an unbalanced mental state pushing person out of ISTp-ness ... 3) reacting to your INFp attention chameleon-like & blowing moodiness out of proportion. Can't tell with the amount of info given, but if he's ISTp he probably doesn't have much need of a purpose in life, preferring to find momentary meanings. I personally have a hard time clinging to any idealism; can't join causes because I identify faults too readily; feel like I'm stagnating if I haven't come across something new & intriguing in too long. That being said, if your friend is NOT ISTp, it might be counterproductive to suggest he be more in the moment! But no matter what type he is, tell him "I can't fix you, but I am your friend & on your side." - emphasize somehow that the responsibility for enjoying his life rests on his own shoulders, for both your sakes. -- iAnnAu
A8 u can't find many things to put on your CV to, i assume iAnnAu. i mean, that we know more than any, or could act more decisively than any commitee, does not matter... (got a Prof who told me that sad story implying that i should have done those things to get a sembalance at a CV... but then it is about laughing and tolerating till the tables are turned, multi-tasking with the mind will serve us elsewhere,..just not now starting up with CV). that said...i see many possibilities in how you post. The boldness to want to say something.. which is good, cause it means specific critical attachments can be made.. which is what the world of philosophy is like.. but seeing as this is a forum, we'll put that aside for now. That said, it seems u have very good insight into I__Ps (intp istp isfp etc.).. i'll just wait to see what sort of theory u string within 'your knowledge' to make it work.. and i might find something of critical interest within that. Good instincts. i would ask...are u intp or istp, but then thats a meaningless question... instincts like latching onto phrases is trans-type..and besides, the tendency to type such things will lead to heresy. -- @sirac
A9 @sirac - I missed the reference to CV - please elucidate. And as I've mentioned before, I have tested (3X now) as INTp on this site, but after extensive reading around here, I confidently self-identify as ISTp. I grew up in a heavily intellectual environment & the only friendships I can motivate myself to maintain offer me plenty of intellectual stimulation (which does mean that I can have non-intellectually stimulating friends; just that they have to initiate contact & activities!). So that might originate my "boldness to want to say something" - it's more of a "having taken several perspectives & rolled them around in my head, this is what synthesizes; now let's put it back out in the world to see what we get back for subsequent synthesis". I love to play, both in the real world and with ideas - but although I'll get tired of something and move on, I rarely feel like I got "everything" I could have. I'm a dilettante; I like when random parts of my life or random facts I incessantly gather unexpectedly converge, resulting in a totally unpredictable event or theory. In fact, that kinda runs back around to the original question (!!!) - Dee, what if your friend feels like his life is too structured/boring? I don't advocate changing lifestyles too drastically, but maybe he could allow his attention to branch out into new directions ... and wait for inspiration. For myself, the whole point is to not know what form it will take beforehand! Another thing that just occurred to me is that I got a lot happier when I started allowing myself to be sillier. However, I still have a hard time acting silly in public, so I mainly amuse myself during my alone times. I like to joke that it's the cheapest form of entertainment! Now that I've given advice, let me hasten to add that advice may really be the worst thing to give. Your friend may take a turn for the worse if he decides he's being manipulated by you (and again, in case this has anything to do with type, I get *incensed* if I suspect someone's not treating me on the level). So, return to the last sentence of my last comment! -- iAnnAu
A10 intensity. really feeling alive. a lot of us would have been soldiers in other times. the reason being that after a certain point we get tired of and disgusted by our humanity and the seemingly constant stream of crushing disappointments it offers. so for such istps joining the military seems like a good idea, because if they survive they get to be heros, and if they die, who cares, life wasn't all that great anyway. of course with the screwed up situation in iraq now things are different. i'm an istp and if i wasn't completely against the war i would for sure join the military. in fact i'm beginning to wonder if women break men's hearts instinctively because broken hearted men have less to fear in death, and soldiers who aren't afraid to die make better killing machines. meaning the women of a population are subconsciously destroying the souls of the men to protect it. -- jaded istp
A11 "not very happy underneath" - maybe he's more of an INTP? -- Anonymous
A12 A10 is ISTJ, not ISTP. -- Anonymous
A13 A12, Not necessarily true, i'm istp and I agree with a lot of what A10 said. He sees it the way I see it. -- Anonymous
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