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Question #1188045434Saturday, 25-Aug-2007
Category: ESFj ENFp
Why do I find ESFJs so damn annoying? -- An Anonymous ENFP
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Your Answers: 1+ 31+ 54+
A31 Hmm A30 from your answer you seem to have handled everything well. And while this is very little information to tell if it is a situation you would want to draw attention to or whatever, I would like to suggest some tidbits, that you may not find yourself relating to at all, from a book - http://books.google.com/books?id=WQ47Q3wEy7MC&pg=PA100&lpg=PA100&dq - with all due sincere respect to your parents and you. What I have found in interacting with parents personally (and all parents and children are different) that I found more mental peace when I forgave my parents for their mistakes/things they did that i did not find was best for me. I find it easier to take charge of my own self instead of having a resentment in the back of my head (like I used to sometimes) that maybe I wouldve had less life trouble and i wouldve been different (usually how i wanted to be or how i originally was) if they had done things differently, or had been different from what they are. Once I let that little resentment go, I was able to have a slightly better relationship with my parents, and it made me happier. -- Anonymous
A32 They're very easily offended. -- Anonymous
A33 I think its because the mixture between their need to be liked by everyone around them and their need of approval from others to feel good about themselves creates a horrible combination. I am an ENFP and i think the problem for us is that while other types can see the problem and ignore it, we cannot. We see it everytime it happens and it slowly picks us apart. Situations always have to revolve around the ESFJ and if they are not going that way than the ESFJ will do whatever it takes to bring it back to them. As ENFPs, as soon as we pick up on this once, well notice it everytime they do it. I personally am taking this as a challenge to hopefully grow my personality because if it does not change this could really be detrimental when i get an ESFJ boss. Another thing i find myself doing around this ESFJ is everytime she does attempt to manipulate a conversation (group or individual) so the attention can be turned back to her I will try and act against what she wants. For example, if someone shows her an awesome youtube video and she feels the need to 'one up' them i will purposely draw the attention away from the computer and try to get everyone on to another subject. the funny thing is that 20 minutes later she would probably still want to show the video to everyone. now for the record so ESFJs dont get mad, its not always bad to try and 'one up' people, but you all do it way to much. and us ENFPs can see through it. and its annoying as hell. -- ENFP
A34 Talking to a ESFJ is not unlike conversing with a brick wall -- INFp
A35 I am a ISFJ "traditionalist" subtype. I too find ESFJs really annoying, I don't know if thats because of the extinguishment factor, or that there are for some reason so many in my life my sisters one,my dad is one, i dated one for a year my aunt is one, my friend is one...they are all indidually different of course. but there are certain things i've noted and seen in all of these types: they are not embarrassed at how hard they try to be the "fun cool young" person...in some ways i adore it. in other ways, it annoys the **** out of me how bad they are social chamillions and will dress up for the type of people they will be hangingout with, or they will take on different roles and styles because they think its cool according to who they are hanging out with. can anyone else relate to this when observing esfjs? am i making any sense? ive been doing homework all day and my brain is frazzled..hahah. i also hate their mood swings. -- Anonymous
A36 I totally agree with A33, their need of approval from others to feel good about themselves is the most irritating thing ever. I'm friends with 3 ESFJ girls and they all feel the need to tell me that they are fat, and ask me if i think they are fat. The annoying thing is that they are all fairly skinny. They are a walking ball of insecurities and they pick out other peoples faults and say lots of back handed comments to others to make themselves feel better. On top of that Ive found them to be very bossy and patronizing. Whats not to like abiut them? -- Anonymous
A37 Agree with A4!! Instead of getting appreciation for your best abilites, they critize your smallest error. They don't kno your strongest points. But they are your benefactors, so it's better to just get over it! Haha.. -- ENFp
A38 they are very superficial - and manipulative. they want everyone to do things on their own terms.. and if everyone else complies.. then no problems.. but as soon as someone does otherwise... arrrgh. @A29 intps probably dislike you more than intj and infjs.. intps are just quiet and avoid conflict. -- snik
A39 wow, not all ESFJs should be stereotyped like this. It's the same as meeting a few ESFJs and putting it as a statistics. How ridiculous! Who needs affirmation anyway? Don't all types have the capability of manipulation? Well, we all know the answer to that don't we. -- an ESFJ.
A40 Fascinating read. @A38 - so true about intps. As a female INTp surrounded by many females of the ESFj persuasion, it's no surprise I spend my time at home trying to avoid any and all conventional habitats where I may encounter these specimens. -- Anonymous
A41 esfjs are like people who wear corsets, they look great at first like how they try to present themselves and their lives. They are actually OK if you just have occasional contact so you fall into category of being one of the people to "impress and kid on are normal" for. -- Anonymous
A42 I think the reasons ESFj's can rub other types the wrong way is that they are primarily social people that take their cues from others around them. They understand people pleasing is a necessary life skill and make it a priority to learn. If more introverted types see it as disingenuous (or flat out manipulative) it's because we resent the fact that these skills should even be relevant in the first place. The skills and values they place more emphasis on can seem very superficial at a glance. -- Anonymous
A43 I am an ISFp. I understand the frustration that many of you face when interacting with ESFjs. Honestly though, just grow a little guys. Interacting with ESFjs has taught me how to better communicate, be a little more sensitive, and lay down my boundaries in a proper manner. A disposition is what it is, but these types have a TON to offer the world too. If you really can't handle them, than do as A40 does - avoid em. Once you realize everything is the way it is for a reason, life is more beautiful. -- Anonymous
A44 Anonymous ENFP, look at the Article Section, 'ESFJ Uncovered.' That might help you. -- Anonymous
A45 They are irrational, manipulative, and just overall full of ****. -- -Intp
A46 To A32: ya I agree, they take offense based on social expectations without there being any real intention to offend them. -- Anonymous
A47 esfj's are the worst they are so petty minded, bouigoise, and narcissic with even sometimes having an "intellectual arrogance" espcially once they have been to university, i really dislike them and try to avoid them. -- Anonymous
A48 and also they are not truly "kind" (or the ones i have seen and there are plenty of them) they just make themselves feel good that they are so "altruistic" doing their "duty" eg buying anything without even caring if the intended person actually benifited in any way. they also backtalk friends and only care about those that they "respect" equal to their "intelligence" the lack of sympathy for or insight into anyone else is terrible. the 4 esfj's i know from both n european and middle-eastern cultures just stink. -- Anonymous
A49 A17- you are sooo true! I put a smiley face at the end of every sentence on facebook! I'm an ESFJ, and I am hurt by what some people on here have said- I never think that I am 'above or better than' anyone else... Actually I usually think the oposite I genuinly love helping people out and being caring, and I always worry that people will think I'm just being nice so that people will like me, or that I'm trying to suck-up!! I wish that people would see that I am genuine and not fake... -- Anonymous
A50 The ESFj is full of energy and loves to be around other people. This type can be very controlling who oppresses others lovingly. General Admiral Alladeen, the ruler of Republic Of Wadiya is a perfect example. See http://www.republicofwadiya.com -- jgbr
A51 my mother is a esfj and i also fully agree with a15 and a30. Im 27 and its been 27 years of trying to figure out how to deal with her and i still have no idea. -- tricia -entp
A52 ESFJs can seem like phony, materialistic, snobby drama queens.I know several intimately. Sometimes they act like they are big intellectuals interested in theory and philosophy then they turn around and make comments that are superficial and shallow. They seem to spend most of their energy gaining approval from doing social pursuits like care taking, joining organizations, attending performances and shopping so they and their homes will always look put together.Their self-serving behavior cloaked in concern for others is utterly transparent which repulsed the ENFP (even though there is quite a benefit to the numerous things they do). -- Anonymous
A53 I personally know about 15 ESFJs at the church I have attended for the past 25 years. I truly enjoy the company of one of them. It's sad, but true. I know many of them feel the same way about me. I choose to love them (and sometimes fail) although I do not naturally like them. I would say they are very insecure and co-dependent. For example, they are forever tearing others down, yet are sugary sweet to their faces. Another example: I heard one ESFJ tell her child, "Go tell Grammie, hi. (Grammie is also an ESFJ) If you don't I will hear about it all week." They constantly "fix" each other (tucking in that hair out of place on the 20-year-old daughter). They get irrated at me (I have heard via others) because I don't open up to them. Trust, folks. It's all about trust. They talk...alot. I have found it easier to endure them the more I learn about them. They act like this because they desperately need approval. Their world revolves around what others think of them. If they say something unkind, they apologize for hurting feelings and not for doing something wrong. I know my view of them is shared with others of the following types: ISFJ, ISTJ, ISTP, ESFP, ENFJ, INFJ, INTJ, ENFP, ENTJ,and ENTP. And to those one in 15 ESFJs out there...bless you! -- INFJ
*Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com*
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