| Questions & Answers |
| Question #1188045434 | Saturday, 25-Aug-2007 |
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| Why do I find ESFJs so damn annoying? -- An Anonymous ENFP |
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A1 Maybe it's because they happily encourage introverted thinking and structure. They make you feel like your most perfect moments are the ones when you show any Ti.  I'm saying that because that's the problem I often have with ENTps. They are the most pleasant and encouraging with me when I manage to calm down and just give them some Si, even though it's my vulnerable function and it doesn't come easily. When I just behave according to my strengths, they are much more indifferent. -- Kristiina |
| A2 Whoever wrote "ESFjs can be very hard to live with" is some absolute genius. Super-ego showdown? I'll show you an ego. -- - The Sum-Total ENTj |
| A3 I can't answer your question because I have no way of knowing, but I worked at the office from hell for the manager from a worse place than that and she was an ESFj. The first employee on the "team" to be fired was the ENFp. Studying the j-p difference might be the first step to answering your question. -- econdude |
| A4 benefactorial relations. the benefactor cannot hear the beneficiary ... even when the beneficiary is right. -- Anonymous |
| A5 maybe it's cause the ESF vector is so damn annoying when pointed in a direction, that with a rougher, dogmatic user such as the ___J, it becomes over-whelming, but with a ___P-user, the ESF vector is perhaps more hidden, and a qualitive factor of the emotion. Hence forth, i predict that the best way to deal with a ESFJ is to push the person into a comfortable emotional state, for that is precisely what hides the annoyance factor in a ESFP. good-day,.@sirsc -- Anonymous |
| A6 SJs have a talent for grating everyone's nerves esp. if you are an NF or an NT. I noticed that my fingernails find themselves into my palms after interactng with them. -- ENTP |
| A7 Is it that they're annoying or that you get annoyed easily? -- Anonymous |
| A8 SJ' in my experience are so 'bloody minded' and the only way to get on with them is if they think you are exactly like them, except they're a slightly better version of you. I work with a few and I just keep my mouth closed for the most part-that way they assume your like them so ok -- An ISTp |
| A9 Easy there, grumpy bear.. -- ESFJ |
| A10 you see, esfj and enfp... wow it becomes me(enfj), enfp can be playful and slightly imature and esfj will think that why cant they just be normal. -- Anonymous |
A11 I also find ESFJs annoying ... maybe because they are 'too' kind? I don't really know how to explain it, but that words - 'too nice/kind etc' can be the key to solution (overwhelming  ?). -- Chocolate ENFp |
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| A12 *shrugs* I live with an ESFJ (well, she might be S), and we get along fine. That said, I'm the one in authority. If she was, things would be different. -- RA |
| A13 ESFjs are great. =) -- Anonymous |
| A14 It's because they're evil!!!! Okay, seriously, it's because they're manipulative/controlling and try to shmooze you with their interpersonal charm. Because you're an ENFP, you can INTUITIVELY SENSE that this charm is only working for their own agenda, and might actually go against your own plan for your life. EVIL!!!! -- ENTp |
| A15 I get along very well with ESFjs as friends; I think they're very caring, passionate, genuine people with a great sense of duty and loyalty. As authority figures, however, they drive me nuts. Why? They can be incredibly petty and frivolous about unimportant details. Case in point: I had one ESFj history teacher who never took points off papers for factual errors (and I had many), yet gave me no points for my bibliography because "it wasn't attached to the paper indicated in the directions". It was perfectly formatted and attached to my actual report, but not to the paper that *she wanted* it to be attached to. They also adhere blindly to rules, even when certain rules are unnecessary or illogical and get in the way of finding an efficient, effective solution to a problem. Some also tend to micro-manage and tell you how to do your own work. They do not give reasons for their actions, yet expect you to obey them without question. It's this tendency that allows them to abuse their authority, because they justify giving people completely irrational orders by saying "I'm in charge, so what I say goes." They can also be incredibly self-righteous and moralizing when they have absolutely no right to be. So yeah, in a nutshell my biggest problems with them are their frivolousness and lack of respect for the freedom of others. Take what I said with a grain of salt, though; I just got into a heated argument with an ESFj, haha. -- - disgruntled INFp |
| A16 I LOVE esfjs. :] -- Anonymous |
| A17 Yeah, anyone who puts a ****ing smilie face at the end of their post is clearly an ESFJ. -- angry ENFP |
| A18 I am an ESFJ but I never do any sissy manipulating.Sometimes I am ESTJ.I am always perfect with my relationships and yet I find people not liking me.Too much love maybe? -- Anonymous |
| A19 A18, you're one or the other, unless you believe in Smilexian Socionics. There's another possibility, but I won't go into a bunch of theory on here. I live with an ESFj (my mother, actually), and I am _NFp. We get along well at times. Other times, she's teasing me and I'm telling her to behave. Or I'm being embarrassed by something she's doing in public (generally singing). She cannot stand my lack of motivation and assertiveness, and I cannot stand what I consider to be her lack of empathy in certain issues. I also cannot understand her wanting to redecorate rooms (pick one style and leave it!) But it's her house, so as long as I don't have to move furniture... I have other complaints, but I won't go into them here. Point being....*ahem* Obviously, not everyone gets long with them. I'm sorry you don't. However, depending on how your question is interpreted, surely you could answer it? What do they do that annoys you? -- Kanerou |
| A20 I have to guess that a lot depends on upbringing, background, habits, etc... I know 2 ESFJs. One is my sister and there is no one else I the world that I find so ridiculous and annoying. The other is my husband, and I absolutely value his abilities with people, his drive, etc... You be the judge. -- INFP |
| A21 A18- an ESFJs hidden agenda is to be perfect. Myabe you shouldn't try so hard? People can pick up on that. A9- comments like that are why people get annoyed by ESFJs. A16- :] <- that too is annoying. -- Anonymous |
| A22 @A17...I'm an infp. -- Anonymous |
A23 i'm enfp, dated one, yeah. annoying cuz he's a flake. so fakey..... that whole "perfection" thing maybe? lol yeah idk. probably the relation of benefit  -- Anonymous |
| A24 i'm an istp. my father is an esfj. he knows exactly how to **** me off... just when you think theres no other way, he'll find a way. we'll leave it at that -- Anonymous |
| A25 because they are annoying -- isfj |
| A26 they ask way too much of people. and they aren't perfect but seriously think they are the best. and.. they always do stupid things. no one likes them. they make unfunny jokes. they are clueless.. i saw one topic that said which is the most hated.. pretty much everyone said esfj. -- Anonymous |
| A27 if esfj's dont like you, they can be straight rude, and downright nasty. its actually devilish in a way -- Anonymous |
| A28 in my experience, they are either too considerate or too inconsiderate depending on whether people around them live up to their expectations or not (which seems go higher as time passes). it all depends on what kind of people they grew up with. they judge and stereotype people a lot. most people around them seem to disappoint and "hurt" them in some way or the other. and at least the ones i know seem pretty selfish and think they're the best. i'm not a fan of any of these qualities. -- Anonymous |
| A29 Wow- I am blown away by all the anger directed at ESFJs. Every other forum I read- I lurk, and I'm an ESFJ- are overwhelmingly infj/intj and the like. <sigh> I guess most of us ESFJs don't get into socionics and the like- but it is very interesting to me. For the record, not all ESFJs are simple minded manipulators. There are plenty of us out here that are social and smart- what a combination! Throw in the fact that we like to see the best in people, and I think we have a lot to offer. Typical ESFJ- Why can't we all get along? -- Anna |
| A30 A15's post is brilliant, my mother is 1 and that post summed why she annoys me. Personally I get on with her very well, we have a good bond. HOWEVER we differentiate in several ways and it leads to many arguments. She is very petty and likes everything in the house to be how she wants, if you disobey she will go so OTT and have a massive rant at you ie a perfect example is leaving a coat on the banister or doing a poo in the toilet she has said isn't the one where you go for the poo lol!!! Also she completely disrespects my freedom, and you can never question her or her rules. She also prides herself on being "head of the pack" - and I absolutely hate such arrogance, no1 rules me!! lol. However, she is very manipulative and tends to get what she wants through blackmail etc, she also has her husband always completely on her side, in affect he is her dog, he does what she wants. Also she is a perfectionist, she expects you to do everything perfectly and if your not (which is 100% me), then she will try and take control and tell you what to do. She will also take the moral high ground, how she had a really rough childhood, when you resist day to day chores. She will also sing her priases about how she was "popular". So she is quite good at making you feel small. I find it really tough to live with her, because I am not 1 who lets people push me around, I will do things for others for sure, but if others go over the line, I will have none of it. However, she has excellent life advice, is very charismatic, cares about us children immensely and we both have an excllent personal bond, I will stay in contact with her when I head off to uni soon. Overral she is a good ESFJ, but is a power, perfectionist control freak!! But then who's to see I wouldn't be in her position... They also hate shyness/lack of drive and can be very unempathetic when dealing with people like this. -- Anonymous |
| *Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com* |
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