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| Questions & Answers |
| Question #1185435851 | Thursday, 26-Jul-2007 |
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| According to the ISTP uncovered profile, it says that they may need to hurt those they love in order to understand that they love them becaue of the peculiar nature of their hidden agenda. INTPs also have the same "hidden agenda" function ([Fi]). I take this as "wanting to love/like people" but constantly being disappointed and then "hurting" them. Does this imply physical/verbal abuse? -- Anonymous |
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| A28 I posted on another question about my attempt at marriage; it was so long I'm surprised the moderator let it stand as is! Rather than reprise it here, I'd just like to mention that my marriage might have lasted longer if I had been less focused on NOT hurting my sig.other. That I wanted to hold myself blameless in that fashion kept me biting my tongue instead of bringing things to light that, while discomfiting to confront, needed to be rebalanced. My careful suggestions that we work together on his problems probably gave him the perfect excuse to not take full responsibility for himself, which by extension kept him from taking responsibility for anything in the relationship - up to the point where I declared "there is no relationship left". I've tried to take my lessons learned from each relationship to the next, so it's hard to say how this reflects on my ISTp type. -- iAnnAu |
| A29 A3: Non-conformity is more of an INTJ issue. -- Anonymous |
| A30 I am female INTP and have been surprised to find that most men i spend time with fall for me quickly. After hurting many feelings, I've decided to remain alone most of the time. I dont believe these people have real feelings, they just think they are in love like they never have been before and it just wastes all of our time. -- Anonymous |
A31 A29 Being and ISTP. I find it hard to be interested in anything for very long, but I am extremely detailed oriented when I need to get a job done I get it done and I do it well. Its just that nothing really stirs my blood. I can become interested in something but I have to really like it. I would like to get a degree but the thought of being tied down for years in study throws me off. Then I see everyone around me getting degress for nursing and they have been working on these degrees for years while raising a family. What the heck is wrong with me? Is this typical of an ISTP. I find it extremely depressing or limiting. I am not a depresed person or on meds. I feel though sometimes like I just exist. Any suggestions?   Thank you. -- Anonymous |
| A32 As an ISTP myself, I'd like to answer. The "hurt the one you love" rings very true for myself. I never noticed I was doing it until I looked over all my previous relationships and saw they all followed the same basic pattern. I don't know it should be called "hurt" because that's never my intention...my only intentions are to "test" where things are going. I'll usually disappear for a week or two and see how the other reacts. If they don't show an interest or even care what i've been up to, obviously they don't care that much about me so wah-la! I know where I stand. It's that simple. It's mainly the disappearing acts that I use to gage someone's interest in me and most of the relationships i've been in have ended because of this. I guess it means they never cared in the first place. People have to understand we have an extreeeemly hard time talking about our feelings and where the relationship is going and we don't realize (for the most part) that "testing" the other hurts them so much. It's all I know. -- ISTP-2 |
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| A33 @A32 You seem to be able to express yourself OK in writing. How about sending your S.O. an e-mail or letter explaining how you are feeling? Let them know its difficult to talk about and ask them to write you back instead. Make a deal not to discuss anything of a serious nature in each others company until the feelings are less intense. Just a thought. Ive been burned by an ISTP before and we were not even lovers. We are just two guys who happen to be working together. We became best friends and remained so for several years. I admit I initiated most of the contact but he went along joyfully. Then over a period of time he started to become reclusive and draw away. I dont know why really. Anyway he got upset at me when I confronted him about it so I left him alone. Every now and then he will indirectly try to get in contact with me hoping I will pick up the signal and resume our friendship. Im not going to even though I miss him very much. He'll have to come out of his comfort zone if we are to be friends again. I was probably the most accepting and accomodating friend he ever had. -- ENFP |
| A34 That's a bit over dramatic.... You may view what I do as intentionally hurting you but what I view it as is something totally different. ISTP's admire truth in any form. Quite often in relationships, people rarely say what is truly on their minds for various reasons - it's too painful, embarrasing, or shameful. Regardless of what you say about a particular topic, if you are not being absolutely honest and truthful with me, I can sense that. Once I sense that, I feel almost obligated to drag the truth out of you no matter how painful it may be to you. Again, you may view it as being hurt by me, I look at it as finding truth... Hope this helps - MWCOX -- Anonymous |
| A35 I'm an ENFP female (I'm pretty sure...although I'm having some identification issues) and my boyfriend is an Istp. We were together for two months when he suddenly pushed me away saying it was too intense. (I would like to add this is before I started looking into socionics) But after a small gap, in which for the first time in a long time I had decided to actually tell the guy how I felt and how hurt I was, and then I requested to take a break from talking, he came back and asked for a second chance. We're taking it steady but I'm already feeling so much more connected to him and I understand him better. All his friends like me and took the time to tell me in private that about a week after we'd split he'd been kicking himself and saying he really regretted it. To be honest, in a weird way it's always been a test of mine when someone breaks up with me to see whether they'll want me back or not....I know I'm not selling myself but no one has ever wanted me back in this way before. If I can believe it, deep down before I even knew my type and matching type, I was looking for this pattern of someone making the effort to realise their mistakes and try again with me...When I went through socionics and found my type, obviously out of curiosity I went looking for my boyfriend's type. Took a while and I kept getting it wrong, but when I landed on Istp I instantly regocnised it as him, and when I read the bit about them pushing away the ones they love, I just got tingles down my spine. I can't imagine my Istp getting at all violent or verbal, he just got indrawn and started purposely not getting along with me. He's a very loyal person which I love because that is how I am as well, but I know that in some ways he's afraid of being in love, that's what I slowly but surely am working towards bringing out of him, if it doesn't work, hey - he's still lovely for the now...I really really like my Istp, he's devastatingly funny and I adore the way when I poke at him with my typically affectionate gushy ways he doesn't quite know what to do with it, but when I pull away and play hard to get he comes seeking it in a bid for "I dont know what the hell you just did but give me more!" That really makes me tick and I like to think that's what makes Istp's click as well. Is the questioner worried about being physically hurt by an Istp?? -- Pennycat (Enfp) |
A36 ISTp-ENFp duality sounds like a lot of hair pulling  -- Anonymous |
| A37 ISTp's do resort to physical abuse with their partners, they regularly beat their ENFp's, you see the physical exercise is good for you and increases the appetite and it's reasoned out using , welcome to your dual seeking functions. -- Anonymous |
| A38 A37: Nice theory, maybe true for some ISTps, who knows. But the ones I know (and I know quite a lot of them) would never hit their partners. -- Ezis (ESFp) |
| A39 your confusing disfunctional behavior with intertype relations. ive known many istp's and not a single one who was abusive. -- Anonymous |
| A40 I'm quite certain that the A37 response was intended in a somewhat jocose manner; however, I would also like to register that I do not know of any abusive ISTps. In fact, I'm not aware that I'm acquainted with anyone, however loosely, who exhibits abusive behavior! Take heed, oh fellow socionics.com denizens, of this vital socionical dictum: if something doesn't apply to anyone you personally know, it probably isn't related to socionics type. -- zara |
| A41 Sorry for providing an amusing comment. -- A37 |
| A42 guess nobody was amused -- Anonymous |
| A43 I was, so guess again. -- Anonymous |
| A44 I still don't understand the concept of hidden agenda. A friend of mine which I suppose is ISTp is downright cruel to her beloved ones but just for the fun of it, and they know, it is a game. She is a bit immature for her early twenties, I think (so I dont know if it really is her ISTp trait). But all in all she wants harmony, she can easily get as hurt when there is real trouble and can lament on and on for hours, because she simply doesnt understand certain relationship concepts. she then is qick with shutting the door, but it is a drama inside of her. She is interested in theatre and cultural things, but as a consumer, as a critics, likes the role of being intellectual, but doesnt get the hang of many things, so she has kind of pre-modelled frames where she puts anything into. She likes cooking, can indulge in hourlong shopping-journeys for shiny, luxurious kitchen items. She likes architecture, and design but it has to be functional, the less fancy, the better. She can laugh about cruel things, likes horror movies, but doesn't get a thing if you are being ironic or sarcastic. If you then explain, she is feeling left out. I hope I am right with my attempt of classifying her as a ISTp... -- Anonymous |
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