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Question #1182262756Tuesday, 19-Jun-2007
Category: INTj Stereotype
I'm an INTJ and I am everything that generally describes an INTJ person. I've been aware that I'm INTJ for years and been pushing myself to be extrovert but always find it overwhelming to talk about my private life to others. My interests always are so different from everyone else's around me and it's hard to converse with people even if we both try to have a conversation. I get jealous of and ****ed off at people who can go on and on about their lives and just talk about stupid things. Other people seem to make friends with each other so easily. Do all INTJs struggle with this kind of problem? -- Crystal Bent
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A1 (raises hand) I understand. I'm sure there is such thing as a well-adjusted INTj who is capable of making small talk once in a while, even if it annoys them; I can't wait to find one. I think introverts are more inclined to listen and react to other people's conversations first. IJ's have an especially hard time with talking off of their heads because they need their sentences to be concise and relevant. As for the talking about your private life, I hate it ,too. I'm not sure if that's an INTj thing or a "me" thing. -- Anonymous
A2 Answer to A1 - you may have just found one in A2. To answer the original question, one of the problems I run into is finding common interests. I don't watch TV much at all and I don't even read fiction any more. Try walking up to someone at a social function and tell them how interesting socionics is, more often than not they will say that they forgot something in their car and walk over to the next person ten feet away and strike up a conversation. Seeing the big picture...intellectual interests that are often highly specialized or arcane...need to be alone...most people don't identify with that, but would you want to be any other way? p.s. It is not a problem unless you allow other people to define it as such! -- econdude
A3 INTp's usually find it harder to talk about their private lifes than INTj's. Although INTj's probably just give a simple and short answers to questions like that. But INTp's are more likely to lie, give joke answers, change the subject or do whatever to avoid revealing stuff about themselves. Ironically I have noticed that people ask less personal questions from INTj's than from INTp's. Anyway both types have the problems like what you described. -- INTp
A4 Not only INTs have this kind of problem. "Other people seem to make friends so easily". "Its hard to converse with other people even if we both try" strikes a chord with me. I have this problem, too, but from a different reason. I am an ESFp and differ a lot from INTs, of course, as I am gregarious and talkative and interested in other peoples lives. But with Se as my first function I find it hard to start a conversation with conventional phrases, I like practical or fun conversations more. Moreover, I come from an N family and am used to discussing things like Socionics or linguistics. So I get tired with small talk very quickly and I am always happy when I find an INTp in the group, with whom I can discuss this kind of things - its so refreshing. And as I am growing older, I am getting tired with talking that does not lead anywhere, so I understand you. -- Ezis
A5 I understand. I'm a female INTJ who is friends with a group of women-none of whom are INTP or INTJ. They always laugh and tell me that I'm a man trapped in a woman's body. I'm sarcastic and have a really bizarre sense of humor (big shock there, I know). I don't like to talk about the private thoughts and feelings that I do have, so I usually just wrap it up short and sweet. Thankfully, INFJ husband easily tolerates my snarky nature. -- Anonymous
A6 I (an ISTp) used to have a hard time with small talk, thinking it was frivolous & time-wasting. I read S.I.Hayakawa's Language in Thought & Action, and to paraphrase, he describes small talk as "making nonthreatening noises". Its function is to establish a basic pleasant atmosphere, not to exchange information. Once I understood it from this perspective, I didn't resent people asking about the weather ... although I still have a hard time tolerating gossip. As for talking about private things - I benefited from a realization that talking about myself doesn't actually give people power over me. I think my motivation for reticence was wanting to seem independent (therefore the aloof drama), though, so you might be struggling with something else. Now, I enjoy the perspective other people offer when I externalize my endless mental meanderings, and if I'm not in a mood to talk, I can always be a good listener! -- iAnnAu
A7 i really, just wanted to find any INTJ post today..and post my latest opinions and observations..about INTJs and a good general opinion for any Thinking type out there who would like to take on and learn from the asthetic (in other words: regulate yourself today, in your 20-30 somethings, and prevent Parkinsons later when your chemical balances can't take the insult your regular mechanisms embrace currently in thought mechanism and emotional acting branches),(ignore brackets now, and read from non-bracketed part and continue reading) which i feel INTJs particularily express well. In general, this forbodes well for my thoughts and opinions about J-types in general (except SJs or perhaps FJs, my bias in general,excuse me the coward, and attack with fortitude,maybe i'l develop a better diplomatic sense in general to the aforementioned exclusions to my J-case observation). in SA, i am fortuanate to have Muslim family (my mums family is catholic,but generally our family head is atheistically spiritual to elements of destiny and such divisions). so, my observation..i have an intj little sister and a Muslim cousin who is INTJ...and hence the following observation. From that muslim tradition (their growing-up and communial training)..INTJ are asthetically the most perfect people i know, when it comes to regulating the emotional/intellectual balance...contrarily..INTPs from this tradition are bankrupt..embraced about the traditional view-points they have embrace and preach for there 'social status in community-and growth of status division'. Contrarily to this, with Cristo-centric background..INTJ males seem rotten,whereas INTPs prosper more with the divergent views and cultural values they work in. (in proper sense then, in Cristo-centric backgrounds..intps are the true 'special forces ops' going in and destroying background logistics to practises they see as corrupt). So, what i am really saying, is that in our future Socionics governed worlds, that INTJs and INTPs will learn from this, and train themselves accordingly, for as one of my favourite philosopher commenters say...Foucault the frenchman..: 'develop you as the person',that is the heritage of us the mordern man. Cut insecurities and bull**** in general..we get too stuck with the present social contrasts preached by secular society in general..and our own reflex to interact on equal terms and find a mate. Proper duals don't require this, this is what socionics has thought us. Good-luck for u aestheticists of the person..your own person! -- @sirac
A8 I thought of another example to offer; again since I'm ISTp you might benefit from a different situation. But I learned a great deal in how to extravert myself when I managed a paintball field. It started as just a weekend gig because I was new to the area plus I used to play in high school ... but it became one of the most rewarding jobs I've ever had (even though it barely made me enough money to cover the gas back & forth!). Basically, as a referee on the field, I had a "god's eye" view of what's going on, and over time I was able to recognize standard strategies of teamwork - what works for paintball, and what doesn't (for example, once a team of Marines came to the field and got their asses handed to them by a team of teenage newbies: they were too agressive & didn't adapt their "real" combat training to the model of the sport). My main task was to keep players safe, but soon I discovered a secondary task was to ensure that players have fun. So I started offering my observations of different players' styles, and giving tips on simple stuff like flanking maneuvers. It became very rewarding to watch timid players suddenly climbing the learning curve, especially when they played a crucial part in helping their team win a game. Eventually, I got tired of barking like a drill seargant to fulfill the "keeping players safe" duty ... but helping players come together as a team weekend after weekend is an achievement that to this day amazes me to attribute to myself. Ever since then, I just haven't had to deal with much hesitation within myself in social situations; if a little female like me can order guys with guns around and have them thank her for it, what have I got to be afraid of anymore ? -- iAnnAu
A9 intuitives are idea people, as much as I'd like to be socially accepted, it's degrading to talk about meaningless things and gossip. Most of the time when they start talkin about that stuff I'm in my own head with my ideas. -- Anonymous
A10 if u r not comfortable with talking... you shouldn't push yourself to talk.... IF you are INTJ i am sure there are people who is compatiable with you... like me(enfj) and ur dual ESFJ would be prefect for you while u dont have to chnage yourself all that much and be yourself more... yes, i think most people would think INTJ are quite different than others in terms of social norms... but buttom line you live your life to be happy and your happinese shouldn't be judge by how others see you, i am sure there are tons of things you are good at that you can find fulfilling -- ENFJ
*Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of socionics.com*
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