Socionics Personals
Middle East
North America
Join now!

Questions & Answers
Question #1178200916Thursday, 3-May-2007
Category: ISTj
What does it mean when a ISTj type guy prefers his "buddies" over spending time with you? And even though you know he's "into" you very much so. I'm so frustrated with this, im about to say forget it and go on with my life without him in it. FRIIIIICCKKK!! -- Yeah..
Your Answers: 1+
A1 This does not sound like the behaviour of an istj in my experience. When an ISTJ commits to a relationship they work extremely hard at it, often when it seems to outsiders that it is going nowhere. They may not always pick up on their partners needs for intimacy, these needs should be pointed out to an istj, and repeated if necessary. Once they are aware they will do their best to meet them. Good luck. -- karen
A2 I disagree with A1. The situation posed in the original question was precisely my experience with an ISTj as well. All I can suggest is that you calmly and clearly tell him how you feel, probably several a few times to get it through. Make sure he knows how important it is to you to be able to also spend quality time with him. The more I hear about ISTjs and experience them myself, this seems to be a weakness for the type - not knowing how to spend quality time with people they genuinely care about, in a simply FUN way. Ultimately, it's up to him to realize and decide what's important to him and follow through, and that decision is independent of type. -- Anonymous
A3 Maybe you are just too possessive? -- INTp
A4 I have a few questions. On average, how much time does he spend with you a day? And how much time does he spend wiith his buddies a week on average? Is the gathering something that's there before he met you? Or is that a special occasion like a friend from other state has come to visit? I mean, before you accuse him, perhaps you can look at the big picture first. But of course, I can't say you haven't since you didn't state whether you had or hadn't done that already. And back to the question. I think you can tell him what you feel if he's spending WAAAYY too much time with his buddies and you feel neglected. I have no idea what the situation's like coz you dind't provide much info but the two words popped up "caution" and "clingy". -- Anonymous
A5 It means he's being a typical ISTj. ISTjs can be guilty of this way beyond the gender stereotypes. Most likely has nothing to do with you being "clingy" or "possessive." If anything, you probably need to raise your standards a bit and demand more. He can take it or leave it. He may take it, but you need to be clear about what you want, set a timeline for yourself to see some turn-around, and follow through on staying or leaving. Doing a rough time estimation chart is only natural, but it sounds like you've probably already done that and KNOW the numbers are preposterous - hence, the outrage in your original post. By the way, what's your type? -- Anonymous
A6 I'm not clingy or possessive! I haven't spent anytime with him in OVER a week (he works alot.. I PUT UP WITH THAT TO) I THINK THAT IS REASONABLE! My type is suposely a ENFj. Why does that matter though? Well, I hardly get time with him durning the week because of his job, but i'll get a phone call usually. So when weekends come I wanna spend time with him.. MY GOD who wouldn't, then he comes up with other plans to spend time with his buddies, so im supose to pretend to sit happily and wait till the next weekend to actually get any time with him? Sorry if I seem alittle annoyed... -- Yeah..
Bookmark and Share

A7 sorry. we're not blaming you or anything here. i think i made it very clear in my post that you didn't provide enough information. you desire to spend more time with him is VERY REASONABLE. seriously. i would have brought up this issue long ago if i were you. talk to him. ISTjs are reasonable people. stubborn, to be sure, but reasonable. if he cares about you, he will change. good luck. all the best! -- poster of A4
A8 Move on, you will be fighting about it forever. Unless you are being unreasonable and want all his free time. My son is an ISTJ and they want to know you are there when they need you. If you need more and you have been dating for more than 6-8 months, then find a guy who enjoys spending time with a girlfriend. That is not unreasonable if it is important to you, you just need to find someone that you will not need to change. -- Anonymous
A9 I don't see it as typical ISTj behaviour, but if he is doing it, I believe it means he sees his friends as more important than you. And I would imagine a "heirarchy" thing would matter to ISTj. Me what would I do? I would leave a relationship I felt was not giving me the return I required from it. The step you take, wether you stay, leave, approach fill your life with your own things also, that next is up to you. -- Anonymous
*Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of*
Page 1
Would you like to add anything?
(When posting, we ask you to make the effort to qualify your opinions.)

Name: (leave blank for "Anonymous")

10 Most recent
By category
All questions
Submit a question