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Question #1177616185Thursday, 26-Apr-2007
Category: ENTp Hidden Agenda
How do ENTps experience their hidden agenda? Why is it so hard for them to "be loved"? Also, how do ENTp-ISFp relationships tend to develop, particularly when the ENTp is a woman and ISFp, a man? -- anonymous
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A1 I am an ENTp! My experience of my hidden agenda is generally something out of my control. Have you ever seen the movie Paycheck? I am the main character. I see glimpses of the "future" (a possible outcome I wish to create by taking action in the physical world) and act consciously and subconsciously to live into that. Unfortunately (unless you happen to be the goal) that means everyone we interact with are simply colliding universes. Though I can see your greatness and weakness, your commitment to the world and are current desire at a glance I cannot form emotional commitment or attachment to something. Well, better yet to say I have not been able too yet. The secret to an ENTps heart is to get who they are and acknowledge them for the true task at hand. Support them as a pillar supports a building, unwavering without judgement. In return they will be loyal and passionate. An ENTp-ISFp relationship has a common conversation - at least in my experience. The underlying unanswerable question within the conversation is are you interested in me then do you love me? Both players dance this waltz by sharing odd facts or news, anything that evokes emotion. Often times, and ironically these relationships are quite short-lived as eventually the who's wrong and right mechanism beyond the high of love will be present when one of them does something that is beyond one of their comfort zones. Once again, these outgoing people are only this way becuase it is "safe for them". Oh, and has "being loved"...we experience love in a very different way. We can see what's authentic, passionate love. We know when theres a condition behind it. I have only had that experience of love a couple times in my life. I forgot what it feels like. Now remember, I am hot, popular and around people that love me but that experience of love has nothing to do with aesthetics and EVERYTHING to do with what's really inside. The question I leave you with is was he afraid to be that? Or was it you? I hope this helps! -- Anonymous
A2 @A1, a few things: #1) are you male or female, #2) how many ISFp relationships have you had, and have any ever lasted a long time, #3) how did your relationship develop without you running your ISFp over with your emotions (or perhaps he LIKED your passion?) Also, any tips on how not to scare an ISFp away, but always make them feel comfy? Or is this an irrelevant/unnecessary goal? My original question also still stands, for anyone who has more input: why do ENTps have such a hard time being loved? From what I've observed, ENTps pour their hearts out and eevn go overboard, to get little in return - like the harder they try, the worse it gets almost. What people may perceive to be a "need for attention" is just the ENTp's natural charisma combined with a deep desire for interpersonal connection which others simply do not reciprocate. More thoughts, anyone? -- Anonymous
A3 One sentence you wrote, A2, struck me hard, because I can totally relate to that: "What people may perceive to be a "need for attention" is just the ENTp's natural charisma combined with a deep desire for interpersonal connection which others simply do not reciprocate". I'm an ENTp, and that sums up my entire social life, almost. It's just so *true*. I don't know why people can't put down their defenses or open up their minds or just. . .well, whatever their resistance is to that interpersonal connection. I know everyone's different, and they want different things, but it's really aggravating sometimes. -- Anonymous
A4 In my experience with ENTp, they are not loved because they operate indirectly and can be subversive and cowardly in their day-to-day life. They tell everyone they know about what troubles them about someone else but never confronts that person directly, and if there is an opportunity, will seek revenge in an indirect way. They treat people they have power over like dirt and live in fear of those above them. Their actions often do not reflect what they say they will do; hence, people may never trust the ENTp. One needs to be trusted before he or she can be loved. They often think of others as peasants or beneath them, intellectually, monetarily or status-wise. The ISFp is the best type to live in the ambiguous and self-centered environment of the ENTp. -- I/O
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A5 That's definitely an exaggeration and a rather negative outlook on ENTps. You bring up some accurate points, but I think you might have been a victim of your own momentum when you describe ENTps as treating people they have power over like dirt. I am an ENTp and I definitely don't think of others as peasants beneath me. They're different, yeah, and I definitely feel like I don't fit in, but that doesn't mean I see them as inferior. Not all ENTps have developed less than ideally. . . -- Anonymous
A6 I agree the description is rather extreme and most ENTp will never reach the bottom. However, I think that is the slippery slope that an ENTp will tread, the path of weakness. I have met ENTp that are quite charming and I personally have liked most of them, but I rarely trust them fully because they frequently do the unexpected (not all bad) but contrary to what they said they would do. All the ones that I have met however have been elitists in some way. -- I/O
A7 I once dated an isfp...too emotionally distant. -- ENTp
A8 I am an ENTP and I can see your point I/O, all types however have negative characteristics and must make an effort to develop themselves in a positive way. I personally believe that generally ENTP's care a lot more then people realize and in wanting love and approval they can go overboard in expressing themselves which is a turn-off to some. It can be hard to strike a balance so that people can see the real "You". Yet recognizing one's weaknesses is a step towards rectifying them to get that balance. As far as ISFP's, we do like the type of attention given by the ISFP and they also appreciate that we meet their needs too. I am very close to a few ISFP's and they take a long time to know. Any ENTP should admit and realize that we enjoy a challenge. Also, I have been told that they like that I do not make them feel pressured to live up to expectations that make them feel uncomfortable. So I think over time ISFP's end up having a sense of ease they desire and perhaps didn't know they could experience in a close relationship. A7: If an ISFP has been hurt in the past it will take them a long time to trust someone, it would take patience from an ENTP and I admit that is not really our strong suit. ENTP's can be quite self-centered too. A word of advice to other ENTP's. If you have a good relationship and are generally satisfied with it if the other person gets upset with you, don't take offense and get in a fight even if you can't tatally see where they are coming from in your own "perfect" mind. Just take it to heart that maybe you are being a bit insensitive and go the extra mile to make the other person happy. -An ENTP -- Anonymous
A9 A6: You're dead wrong. -- Anonymous
A10 man I'm an ENTP ... I've been with this girl ISFP for a year... and... boy o boy, it was love at first sight and I love her still. We both have so much in common and feel very comfortable in each other's arms, everything is just perfect with her, she's definitely a dream come true. It's just that we're both afraid and not used to having commitments, so these one whole year we've been trying not to think of anything that leads to "forever and ever", afraid that we may jeopardize what we have, but hey .. one day at a time .. -- ENTP
A11 I have to say that of those that I have known, I have found ENTp's to inadvertedly shoot themselves in the foot when it comes to being loved, firstly by not doing what they say they will do. They also have look for revenge in the most unusual of places, where perhaps confronting the issue more directly would have resolved it. I therefore have to agree with I/O, they are quite pleasant people but over time they just demonstrate an inability to be trusted, which is a key to lowering your guard. Its put me in the position that as much as I have liked some of them, i've always had to keep my eye open to their intentions and possible next actions, which is a shame as its put a halt to deeper friendships forming. -- Cyclops
A12 A8, you have a wonderful point. I'm an ENTp and I rarely ever show my true feelings. I have a tendency to disconnect from my emotions and others to avoid painful feelings or to avoid being vulnerable. I'm more compassionate and easily hurt than I ever lead on. I feel like most of my friends don't even really know who I truly am. Oh, I am now close friends with the isfp I dated. We really understand each others thoughts and feelings. Really, at the core of our personalities, we're extremely similar. -- ENTp
A13 I am an ENTP and I have the same emotional description as A12. -- Anonymous
A14 What A12 said is true. I'm ENTp and no, I'm not narcissistic but I've always known I was different. Other types seem to get offended by lack of follow through or saying we'll do something but never getting around to it. It's a shame really because, at least in my case, I truly mean to do what I say I'll do but either forget completely or just never get around to it. People need to understand that it can take more to get us going on things that aren't particularly interesting. -- --jess
A15 Maybe lack of follow through is another reason why the ENTp/ISFp combo is a good one. I'm an ISFp and that's one of the things I battle with most, saying I'll do something and then not doing it. That's where me and a lot of ENTps can relate and we understand each others' weakness in that area. And like A14 said, it's the same with me, I truly intend to do what I say I'll do but then I just end up forgetting or not getting around to it. A simple reminder usually always helps though. -- ISFp
A16 @A8: You're compassionate? I've never heard an ENTp described that way. Makes me feel good because compassion is really attractive to me. (I'm an ISFp) -- Anonymous
A17 a16 I think he probably meant empathetic. ENTPs generally experience feelings though intuiting them from others. He just have a hard time being sympathetic in "acceptable" ways. -- JDS [ENTP]
A18 I'm an entp female and the first guy that i fell in love with was isfp. and by the way i dont feel like im better than other people. or live in fear of the people above me. just very unique -- Anonymous
*Please note that the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of*
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