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Questions & Answers
Question #1169087896Thursday, 18-Jan-2007
Category: Attraction Dating
Is it normal for a T girl to intimidate guys? I do that sometimes. It's also uncomfortable to me to be stared at by guys because of my looks, instead of my abilities. -- Fefe
Your Answers: 1+
A1 I think that people might wrongly believe both of these things about themselves. Are you sure that you are as attractive/intimidating as you believe(or wish to believe) you are? I don't think you are because I have seen this before. -- TeaCozy Squad IV
A2 I've never been intimidated by any woman, not T or F. That's just a feminist myth. If you'd go ask these supposedly intimidated men, they would say it's something else, assuming they want to give a honest answer. -- Anonymous
A3 So type doesn't usually play a role then? -- Fefe
A4 What do you think? If it is an asymmetrical or conflict prone type combination then there might be discomfort. Discomfort is most likely the key word here, not "intimidation" The intimidation is only a lopsided belief on your part. -- TeaCozy Suad IV
A5 I have a reticent personality, and I don't know if intimidated is the proper word, but interacting with the E-T combination can lead to discomfort. In the United States it has become more acceptable for women to be type A/drill sargeant or however you want to phrase it (in other words, not traditionally feminine). I don't like it when anyone does that, but it's easier to deal with men because men are socialized in the same way. Women want a relationship (for lack of a better word) when they interact with someone and it can lead to irritating, bitter conflict between women and men when women start the tongue lashings. We're not even programmed to handle that, it can be difficult for a man to deal with an aggressive woman . Some women will milk this if they know they can use it against a man. Also, it's confusing when a woman leading a group asks for input from everyone then throws everything out the window and just decides what she wanted before she asked everyone. Hell's bells, don't ask for my opinion if you're not going to listen to it! (None of my comments were aimed at you personally Fefe.) -- econdude
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A6 It's okay, econdude. You answered my question. But doesn't discomfort play part to intimidation in some cases? But I think it's more on an intellectual level that people find I have some type of presence. -- Fefe
A7 The aggressive woman can generate an illusion of an upper hand. Adler coined the termed "masculine protest" which is basically when a man or boy has the false belief that his opinions are more valid or worthy simply because he is a man. Doesn't matter how stupid they might be. In this day and age there is an emerging "feminine protest" If a woman wants to discredit a man she is arguing with(especially when her arguments are failing) she might say, for example "what kind of a man are you to be arguing with a woman, anyway?!?" even if the man simply regarded her as his equal. Such behavior is riddled with hypocrisy and makes communication difficult. Women can have a distinct advantage if they are aggressive and use this strategy around the right people. At this stage in an argument a man is on thin ice and had best back off. She doesn't act like a 'woman' but she still feels entitled to all priveliges a 'woman' would have. What man would want to deal with that? Now this might be called intimidation. -- A hot woman wearing a tie
A8 I don't know about the guys you speak of, but I enjoy the company of intellegent women. Of course stupid people irratate the hell out of me. As far as feeling uncomfortable about the stares, I can't help you. Guy's are going to stare at beautiful women, we can't help it. -- This Guy-ENTp
A9 I (an ISTp) would like to chime in that I have had a lot of guys tell me (eventually) that they felt intimidated by me, and I am not aggressive at all! When pressed for why, their responses range from "You just seem so self-contained that I was afraid you'd judge me as weak" to "You're so smart & analytical; I felt like I'd make a fool of myself talking to you". Pretty much, it had to do with their insecurities, in my opinion - 'cause in truth, I'm just as interdependent as any other non-hermit, and even though I am analytical, book-smarts only get you so far. If it gets too bad, I can use less polysyllabics and abstract notions in my conversations around them ... As for being stared at, I've developed a twofold strategy: one, I focus on hygeine and nothing else in my daily ablutions (no makeup, no jewelry, no elaborate outfits, I don't even brush my hair!) and two, I bought a $10 wedding band at Wal-Mart - when I get too much attention, I direct that attention to the ring, and that usually takes care of it. Tricky, tricky ! -- iAnnAu
A10 Mm i've always (no infact make that sometimes aargh lol!) wondered what it would be like to be a girl Anyhoo let me clarify.. I am ISTp and male. I tend towards the scruffier side of looks (although I am capable of scrubbing up quite well if need be if I may say!) I think as a male I can get away with not shaving for a few days clothes maybe a bit casual and relaxed hair sometimes a bit crumpled etc as its I guess its perhaps more socially acceptable for males. However I hear the girls I interact with and some of them litterally spend two hours in the morning getting ready (make up hair straightners etc) and spend countless supplies of cash on shoes clothes etc. and I think HOW DO THEY MANAGE TO DO ALL THIS DAY IN AND DAY OUT?! It would kindov get to me personally I reckon!, so I think that what iAnnAu is doing is quite correct and rather ingenious. Something else tho is where the sexes thing perhaps works to a females advantage. I have observed in the workplace that cool collected t type woman are given more respect, and space to perform, but oppositely pressure often on me (and my fellow males) to be more thoughtful caring open friendly etc Don't really know why or if this is a peculiarity to places I have been but in this context I think is it almost a gender reversal type of role -- Cyclops
A11 don't wear makeup or showy clothes then. -- Anonymous
A12 This question is old, but I'm going to chime in anyway. I am a female T, am relatively attractive (or so I've been told, at least), and have been cited as being intimidating to men. The gentleman that I recently broke up with told me that I'm the only girl that he was nervous to go out with and that he felt intimidated by. He never went into detail as to why, and since he is a very attractive, accomplished, intelligent, outgoing and goal-oriented person, I couldn't understand why I'd be intimidating to him. The only thing I can come up with is that we are both outspoken and confident people and maybe he was used to being the one chased...and I surely wasn't going to chase him. My best guess. Maybe female Ts tend to present an image that they do not NEED a guy, but that they CHOOSE to be with a guy. Of course, female Ts can certainly feel the “need” for someone special, but they may outwardly present an attitude of indifference. This has certainly been the case with me, at least. -- entpreter
A13 I can definitely see how a Logical woman could be perceived as intimidating by a Logical man. Since most women tend toward the Feeler-spectrum of things, I think most people tend to expect that from a woman. So when you start coming off as "on par" with your male interlocutor, he's caught off-guard (after all, chances are he's looking for the sensitive, stereotypically "feminine" types). To Feeler men however, a Logical woman is very attractive! -- Anonymous
A14 maybe your an intj and theyre intimidating m or f -- Anonymous
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